I’m Back.
The lobby of the ship hangar was nearly empty, with a few receptionists behind the desks at the far corner, and a couple chatting down one of the halls. The grey tiled floors and ceilings brought back memories as you stepped further into the large room. You could see several large doors that lead to where the ships were kept. You were excited to see the Enterprise again.
“Kaity`?”
You turned to see a familiar golden-haired figure, grinning ear to ear at you.
“It is you! You’re back!”
Suddenly you were swept up in a tight hug, your nose pressed into his shoulder, the smell of his familiar cologne sending a wave of nostalgia over you.
“Hi, Jim,” you squeaked, giving him a tight squeeze back.
He let you go, but kept you at arms length. “Last time I saw you, was at the bar where we docked for shore leave, at Chekov’s birthday party. The next day I was told you took a leave of absence and they wouldn’t tell me why. How are you? What have you been up to?”
You smiled at Jim’s quick-speaking ramble, you’d missed his talkative nature.
“I’ve been good. Better,” you started, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving. It was too hard. Too emotional. And I couldn’t deal with any extra emotions...”
“Hey,” Jim said sunnily, but with a gentle concern, “you don’t need to explain yourself. I’m just glad to see you.” He paused, his expression changing just ever so slightly. “You’re going to be back in the medbay?”
Your stomach churned nervously. “Yeah,” you responded, “I’m excited to be getting back to what I love doing. I miss it.” It was true. You did miss it.
Jim smiled, “I’m glad.” He slapped you on the shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Well, I’ve got to run, got a meeting. But we definitely need to catch up sometime soon, okay?”
“Of course,” you agreed with a half-smile.
You grabbed at tray and moved to stand in line for food behind a person with vibrant yellow hair and an engineering red shirt. The mess hall in the ship hangar building was much larger than the one on the ship, and much louder as everyone was returning to work.
“о Господи! ‘Karu, is zat who I think zat is?”
You spun at the familiar accent, face to face with exactly who you expected.
“It is! Kaity!”
You were once again tackled into a hug, soft curls brushing against your cheek.
“Hey, Pav, don’t smother the poor girl,” Sulu said from behind.
Chekov released you, pressing two quick kisses to both of your cheeks, making you laugh.
“Hey guys,” you smiled, stepping in to give Sulu a soft hug too.
“Are you back to vork on ze Enterprise?” Chekov asked, looking like a hopeful puppy.
When you nodded, Chekov whooped once, drawing looks from those within earshot. Sulu placed a hand on Chekov’s shoulder, but was looking directly at you.
“Glad to hear it. We’ll catch up later, I’m sure,” Sulu said cooly, with a soft, reassuring smile. He indicated that it was your turn to get food.
“Yes, absolutely,” you agreed, turning to order.
When you went to sit to eat, you saw them get their food to go and leave the mess hall together, Chekov happily talking Sulu’s ear off and you smiled at the familiarity of it all.
“Kaity?” Another accented voice made you turn your head once again.
Soft whiskey-brown eyes looked down at you from under a wrinkled brow.
“Oh! Scotty!” you half-exclaimed, smiling up at one of your closest friends.
He quickly set down his tray of finished food on the table and dropped to sit beside you, pulling you into a quick side hug.
“Ye’ve been gone a’long time, lass, I’ve missed ye,” Scotty’s grin made his eyes scrunch up at the corners.
“6 months isn’t that long...” you teased. “But I missed you too, Scotty. I already feel so welcome.”
Scotty looked at you for a moment with a curious, yet soft look in his eye. Suddenly, he seemed to snap out of it and took a glance at his watch. “Agh, well I best be getting to the engine room, but come by sometime and I’ll make ye a drink and we can watch a movie, li’ ol’ times.”
“For sure,” you nodded.
He stood, took his tray, and bobbed away.
You entered the empty, dark medbay, the soft tapping of your shoes on the floor the only sound you could hear. Though even with the calmness, your heart still pounded and your head filled with memories of this place. Good memories and bad memories.
You rounded the nurses’ station, looking for the file that you had been instructed to pick up.
“Kaity?”
You jumped at the sound of a deep voice. You spun back towards the direction of the entrance and your heart skipped a beat.
There he stood, the same dark, brooding face; the same thick, tousled hair; the same broad shoulders clothed in the same blue uniform. But something was off. Something was different.
“Leonard,” you breathed. “You scared me.”
He shifted slightly and his face caught the glow from one of the emergency lights. His eyes. His eyes looked different than you remembered them. There was a sadness to them, a hardness, and you couldn’t help but feel that it was because of you.
“You came back?” He asked, his voice cautious, as if you were a deer that he could spook.
“Yes,” you responded, resting your shaking fingertips on the counter of the nurses’ station.
Silence. It was the worst possible response he could have given you. It rang out around you and felt like a knife in your esophagus.
“I should have told you I was leaving.” The words spat out of your lips, weak and watery, as if you didn’t have any control over them. “I’m sorr-”
“I don’t need an apology,” Leonard snapped, taking two steps forward, now only a few feet in front of you, fully illuminated by the few lights on above the nurses’ station.
“But I need to give you one,” you started, taking a leap of bravery and emerging from behind the counter, your heart thrumming in your stomach as you stepped closer to him.
“No,” he said, raising a hand to stop you.
He took a breath and you could see a slight tremor in his hand as he lowered it. “I just need to know one thing.”
He paused, waiting for you to respond. You barely had enough breath to get the word out, “okay.”
His face contorted into an expression you’d never seen on him before. One of pain, anger, and sadness.
“Did you leave because of me?” he asked, his voice shaky.
“W-what?” you sputtered.
“Was I the reason you up and left?” His eyes grew sadder and his whole posture was vulnerable, like he handed you a knife and was waiting for you to stab him with it.
Your mind was racing, memories of the two years you spent on this ship flashing before your eyes.
“No,” you breathed, tears catching on your lashes. “Of course not, Leonard, why would you ever think that?”
“Because you never told me otherwise!”
“I couldn’t tell anyone! I didn’t tell anyone! It wasn’t just you. You were the first person I would have told, if I was in the right state of mind to do s-”
He cut you off by closing the few feet between you and wrapping you in a tight hug. You were absolutely shell-shocked for a moment before wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him back.
His face was buried in your neck, his arms like vices around your back. You were smushed against his chest, soaking in the warm, familiar scent of him.
Facing Leonard after you left was always what you’d feared, and this was the best possible outcome you could have imagined.
You’d been away from this ship for a long time, and the idea of returning, given the way you’d left so suddenly, always made you anxious to think about. But standing here, being embraced, made you feel okay for the first time in a long time. It made you feel safe. It made you feel happy.
You were home.
