empathy is so damn confusing. i get it in theory, but in practice ? like i sorta think of myself as low / flux empathy but am i really ? how much of that is actually low sympathy and compasssion ?
cognitive empathy is understanding why someone feels a way, and ive read and researched and trained myself enough to be very good at that, but its all logical analysis. is that still empathy ? what if i can connect all the correct logical threads but when it comes to the conclusion i just cant wrap my emotions around it because why does it matter Really ? is that still empathy ? sometimes people are a curiosity, a fun little puzzle to analyze. certainly thats not empathy ?
emotional empathy, feeling what others feel, thats definitely not there too often. secondhand embarrassment maybe, and i used to not be able to look at people who cried but im not sure it affects me anymore
sympathy. i dont always feel that either. sometimes i still help because i feel compassion but sometimes compassion is also gone and its just to save face. reputation is especially important to me, without it id have nothing: power, support, admiration— theyre all intertwined.
sometimes its because i know i will or might care later so i better act accordingly to secure the future i want. or maybe i care about the relationship with the person as a whole if not whatever bullshit im having to deal with at the moment, so i do what i must to maintain their love and trust
sometimes its just base morality, my ideas of whats right and wrong, that stop me from being as cruel as id like. or reputation. it always comes back to reputation when im that far gone. the fun of burning everything to the ground just isnt worth the effort itll take to rebuild it all again yk ?
