The Amazing Digital Do-Over: Chapter 1: If I Could Turn Back Time...
“What would you do if I abstracted tomorrow?” “I'd move on. And probably forget about you.”
That wasn't true, but then again, a lot of what I say isn't. The last thing I remembered was her arms around me. Then a bright light. Then, I was back in the circus. Out of my mind, out of the labyrinth of my own hell, back… Not where everything started for me, but far back enough that… Well, that things are different. Welcome to the Amazing Digital Do-Over. Hope I don't !@#$% it up as badly as last time.
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Hi, I'm Jax.
That's not actually my name, but !@#$% it, I don't know what my real name is, so this'll have to do.
Jax.
Jackrabbit.
Jack’s Rabbit.
Jax the Jackrabbit.
Whatever. A rose by any other name still has thorns, right?
I thought everything was over for me, right up until whatever the hell this is happened.
I !@#$%ing cried, and made a wish as she hugged me.
“I don't want to go.”
I haven't had a lot of second chances in my life. I thought I could do something with the thousand odd bucks they offered me to test out this…
Whatever the hell this place is. I think they called it a “Mental Environment Simulation System.”
The acronym seems appropriate.
Anyway, I woke back up on the day things started for me in this “Amazing Digital Circus,” blinking like an owl and wondering why I was seeing things normally.
Granted, I’ve never abstracted before, and I’ve never come back from it, either, so I’m not sure what the hell this was supposed to be like, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t like this.
You ever drop into a state of sensory overload? Like that scene of Superman seeing and hearing everything all at once, that’s the best way I can describe it, that’s what it was like… Until she jumped in…
Then a white flash, then I was staring at a pair of yellow-gloves hands at the end of a pair of purple arms. When I looked up, I spotted four unusual-looking creatures. Two of whom I hadn't seen in a coherent form in…
Yeah, I don't want to think about that.
But there they were. Kaufmo, Kinger, Ribbit and Ragatha. In the digital flesh, in the digital circus tent.
“Uh, okay.” I said uneasily as I felt across my face. “Am I dreaming or something?”
I still wasn't processing what was happening to me yet.
“Nope.” Kaufmo declared. “You're wide awake. Maybe.”
“Well, that's comforting, thank you.” I replied as my eyes darted around looking for Caine. “If I'm awake, and I'm seeing all of this…”
“Then that means you're in The Amazing Digital Circus!” Caine's obnoxious voice declared as he appeared with a POP and a shimmering sound effect.
Am I really doing all of this again? I wondered. What the hell did I do to deserve this?
Oh, I get it. This is some sort of Groundhog Day thing, where the only escape from the cycle is to learn from my mistakes, isn't it?
“Alright, and what's your deal, you denture-headed Willy Wonkalike?” I asked like I didn't already know what his deal was.
“My deal, my pouncing periwinkle pal?” He asked. “Why, I'm your ringmaster, Caine!”
“I'm Jax the Jackrabbit, nice to meet you.” I retorted, extending a hand.
Whoops. I thought as he raised a toothy brow at me.
“What?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“Nobody else has remembered their name.” He stated, rubbing his gums with one hand. “Curious.”
“Can't imagine why, Jax has been my name as long as I recall.” I said with a confused shrug, and threw my hands carelessly behind my head.
That wasn't strictly untrue. But I only remembered names as far back as the first time I entered the circus.
“So, you're running the show around here?” I asked, continuing as though nothing unusual had happened. “You here to keep an eye on us, or are you just another test subject?”
“I'm your friendly neighborhood master of ceremonies and adventures!” He declared with a flamboyant flourish as Bubble emerged from his top hat with a bizarre sharp-toothed grin.
“And I'm Bubble!” The creature declared in a voice I've never gotten used to.
I squinted at Bubble and cocked my head.
“Creative name.” I commented, then clapped my hands, and strutted towards the others, as though to introduce myself. “Let's see, if Captain Teeth up there is Caine and his pal is Bubble, that must make you…” I hemmed and hawed as I cast my index fingers lazily across the foursome until I settled on Ragatha, Kaufmo, Ribbit and Kinger in turn.
“Raggedy Anne, Nickelwise, Froggit and Kingpin.” I'd briefly considered using their real names, but they'd already be suspicious enough from my first slip-up about my name.
“Couldn't be more wrong!” Caine declared with too much enthusiasm.
“I'm Ragatha.” Ragatha said with an uncertain wave.
“I'm Kaufmo.” The clown replied with a thumbs up.
“Ribbit.” The green frog replied. “Still pretty obvious, though.”
Kinger stared those lopsided eyes of his into my very soul as I shook the hands of all of them right up to him.
I heard him muttering something tuneful under his breath.
“Bad, bad, bad, bad.” The chess piece sang to himself.
I recoiled enough to be comical to the others as my eyes went wide.
“That's Kinger, he's a little…” Ragatha hesitated.
“Strange?” I asked. He hadn't done that last time.
“Bad, bad, Leeroy Brown.” Kinger said at full volume as he clapped his hands in time to a non-existent beat. “Baddest man in the whole damn town.”
“Oh, he's singing.” I said flatly. It's Kinger, Jax, his brain is more chaotic than I ever could be.
“Let's get you back to your fort, there, buddy.” Kaufmo said as he ushered Kinger back to the pillow and blanket fort.
“So what's his deal?” I asked, pointing a thumb at Kinger like I didn't know.
“He's been here the longest, so he's gone a little loopy.” Ribbit replied.
“In this place?” I asked, looking around like this was the first time I'd seen the circus. “Seems like a nice place, what's there to get loopy about?”
“I'm glad you asked, Jax!” Caine exclaimed as he snaked his arm around my shoulders and yanked me into an uncomfortable side hug as reality warped around us, and we appeared outside of the tent.
“Here we have…” I could practically see the AI channeling his inner Tim Curry with the antici… pation he exuded. “The Tent! This is where your living quarters are, as well as all sorts of other activities! These activities may include…”
Caine's eyes flickered, and an ethereal piano noise sounded as the Blue Screen of Death appeared in the ringmaster's strange floating orbs.
That was just as unsettling as it was the first time I saw it. Probably a little more, now that I'd seen this guy go mad with power.
His eyes switched back to normal, and he continued in the middle of his sentence.
“-ring toss, ball pits, mini-golf, and more!”
“You okay, dude?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
“Never been better!” Caine exclaimed enthusiastically, and snapped his fingers, causing us to reappear in the air above the island.
“And here, we have…” I wonder what he was trained on that he wound up like this. “The Grounds! Drown yourself in the Digital Lake,”
“Why would I do that?” I asked incredulously.
Caine continued without acknowledging my commentary.
“or engage in ridery at the Digital Carnival! Night, day, it's all okay! The choice is yours! A cosmic buffet!”
“Alright, let's go there now!” I exclaimed with a fake smile.
“No can do, Jaxie boy!” Caine declared as we warped yet again. “There's still more!”
We appeared in The Void, a purple, ethereal realm beyond the island.
“Yeah, that's a lot of ‘more,’ out here.” I commented sarcastically as I glanced around. “Is this ‘the void?’ or do you have a ‘more’ unique name for it?”
“Nope, it's called ‘The Void!’” Caine replied.
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Isn't that what I just said?”
“You didn't capitalize the first letters of the words!”
“How would you know?” I asked irritably. “We're speaking out loud!”
“The ringmaster has his ways!” Caine declared. “Try not to wander around out here, even I don't know everything about what’s out in The Void!”
Suddenly, we were back in the tent, and I was spinning a little, but not as much as I had the first time through.
“Are we gonna have to redo the theme song now?” Kaufmo asked.
“Theme song?” I asked. “Like a TV show? Cha-la, head cha-la?”
The others gave me blank stares.
Good, nobody recognizes the weebery.
“Exactly like a TV show, Jax!” Caine exclaimed.
“Does he just announce everything like he's introducing the world heavyweight championship?” I asked Ribbit with a questioning gesture at the AI.
“You'll get used to it eventually.” She replied with a shrug.
“How long is ‘eventually?’ I asked.
I genuinely didn't know the answer to this one. Time passed so strangely in the circus that while I was sure I'd been there for years, I wasn't entirely sure how long. Time runs strangely when you're in a computer, and even though I'd grown a little numb to Caine's shenanigans, he's not the kinda guy you ever really get used to.
“So yeah, what's that about, like a show?” I asked. “Breaking Bad, The Twilight Zone, The Office? If this is a show, where are the cameras?”
“You don't have to worry about that, my bunnyful buddy!” Caine bellowed. I should find a thesaurus if I'm gonna have to find a new adjective for his particular brand of semi-scream speaking every time I have to describe it.
“I have eyes everywhere.” The ringmaster concluded as his bugged out at me.
“Comforting.” I replied sardonically. “So really, what kinda show is this? Has to be a comedy, right? Some kinda kids’ cartoon? Not sure I signed up for this, think I’m gonna have to talk to my agent, cus I gotta make sure I’m getting residuals from this.”
“Oh ho ho ho, Jax, if that is your real name,” Caine said the last six words with a suspicious glare he shot my way, “I’m not getting paid, why would you?”
“Wishful thinking.” I replied, placing my hands on my hips.
“So were you a rabbit in real life, too?” Kaufmo asked.
Uh.
Damnit.
“Probably not,” Caine commented loudly. “If a rabbit did enter the circus, their body would be less… Anthropomorphic, most likely. Though how a rabbit could get that headset on…”
“I’m a furry.” I interjected hastily. “This is my fursona.”
Genius, now they think you’re a weirdo.
“Hm.” Caine said as he floated around me, examining me in altogether too much detail. “Well, you are quite furry. And who am I to judge you,” he asked as he floated up to my eye level to stare at me altogether too closely, “other than the closest thing there is to a god in these parts.”
I smacked my lips at him.
“Gotcha, your holiness.” I replied uncomfortably. “Say, would you happen know today's date, Caine Almighty?”
Caine froze, and raised a toothy brow as he darted backwards, doffing his top hat and pulling a calendar out of it.
“Gooooooood question!” He bellowed as he flipped through the pages.
“It's September eleventh, twenty-thirteen.” Bubble interjected through a mouthful of digital clock the little creature hoisted up from a corner.
“Egads!” Caine ejaculated (shut up) as he smacked his hands on either side of his face, dropping the calendar comically. “The anniversary of a national tragedy!”
Four years I spent in this place, and I'm going to be spending another four years in it, maybe more. I thought to myself. Well, my mission, whether I choose to accept it or not, is probably to keep Ribbit and Kaufmo from Abstracting. Which means I probably need to be a better friend to them… Knowing what I know, if I can keep four years of this bullshit straight, I'll do my best.
“You guys got a place I could grab some coffee around here?” I asked as I strolled in the direction of the coffee shop. “I could use some Amazing Digital Caffeine.”
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I strolled away.
“Let me guess,” Ribbit began as I examined my reflection, “stupider than you thought you'd look?”
“No.” I said as I snapped my suspenders with my thumbs. “I'm looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.” I turned to look at the others. “Kinda thought I might wind up as some kinda,” I wiggled my fingers and made a goofy expression, “weird horse creature with a bunch of eyes all over me.”
Caine stared at me, narrow-mouthed.
“That's an… Odd thing to say.” He concluded.
“This is an odd place.” I retorted. “So, with a name like Kaufmo, you gotta know where I can get a good cup o’ Joe, right?”
“Oh, yeah!” He replied. “Ribbit and I go to the café at least once a week. Stuff there's so good, you can't even tell it's not real.”
“‘I can't believe it's not coffee,’ huh?” I asked as Kaufmo led the way
“I like the hot chocolate myself.” Ribbit said as she fell into step with me.
“Maybe I could put ‘em together, see what happens.” I suggested. “So, you like clowns, Kaufmo?”
“Not really.” He admitted. “I don't mind being one, but they kinda freak me out, especially girl clowns.”
“Well, you'll be thrilled in a couple years.” I muttered under my breath.
“What?” Kaufmo asked.
“Nothing.”
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
So in this instance, a literal plot bunny by the name of Jax jumped into my head and decided I needed to get to writing something. So, here we are. I'm quite fond of the Peggy Sue story as a fanfiction format, as anyone I've talked to about Harry Potter can tell you. Oh God, Not Again! is one of my favorite stories, and I love Groundhog Day, and other such time-loop stories, like Window of Opportunity from Stargate SG-1, Cause and Effect from Star Trek TNG, Source Code, Edge of Tomorrow, Mystery Spot from Supernatural, The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask, and, of course, Undertale.
What with Jax being my favorite character in The Amazing Digital Circus, I feel like this was well due as an exercise for myself and a means of using some of the jokes that have been living rent-free in my head since the series finale.
Also so I could promote the FunnyBunny agenda, but that's not important right now.
