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I know in my heart of hearts that modern verse lambert and jaskier are banned from making drinks at house parties because their pours are HEAVY.

the things they turn out are NOT mixed drinks. they are just prolonged shots.

#pen posts #if you ask jaskier for a vodka cran #you're getting a solo cup of vodka and he thought about cranberries while he made it #you're getting lacroix but evil #even a bartender at a gay club would look at their ratios and shudder

okay but i'm cackling about the first time yen hears burn butcher burn

she and jaskier aren't friends, per se, but more than anything she's still pissed at geralt, so she hears the slam song of the century aimed at their mutual ex and just

#pen posts #game respects game #WE'RE IGNORING CANON WHEN SHE'S RUNNING FOR HER LIFE #SHE DESERVED TO SAVOR THAT SONG WITH A GLASS OF GOOD WINE

jaskier as a child

#jaskier #pen posts #or claudia in trouver verse

okay but i'm laughing about the idea of a drunk jaskier getting lost as FUCK one night because he saw a cat's eyes reflect in the darkness and just. fucking. thought it was geralt.

does he know WHY geralt is leading him into the woods at a quick clip and pausing now and then to look back at him before darting ahead? no. but sure why not. he'll follow.

meanwhile: geralt already back in their room and waiting because jaskier said he'd be right up is just ???? where the FUCK is the bard???

#pen posts #geraskier #just jaskier's ass seeing the reflection of eyes in the dark #and not considering that like. that's not just a geralt thing.#because he's pretty sure he saw geralt come out here earlier #and geralt isn't chatty anyway #so the silence isn't THAT odd #just jask on an accidental drunk quest #followed soon by geralt trying to follow the path of a spooked cat pursued by drunk bard

no thoughts head empty just soft, domestic geraskier of geralt enjoying watching jaskier read because jaskier is so expressive and geralt likes to imagine what's happening in whatever book he's reading based on what the bard's face is doing

#geraskier #geralt #jaskier #pen posts

okay but given how different jaskier's look is after the mountain with his rockstar jacket and his feather hat, i'm laughing about the idea of him having looked at clothes in that aesthetic before only to have geralt say "you won't like them for longer than a day" because he knows jaskier's tastes and preferences

and jaskier is furious but FINE! FINE! ANOTHER LOVELY DOUBLET IN THE MOST WITCHER-EYE-WATERING COLOR IT IS.

so after the mountain, he decides FUCK IT and gets his godsdamned jacket. geralt doesn't know anything. geralt isn't even around anymore. geralt is-

aaaand jaskier does not like it

god it's so bad

he's so RESTRICTED

yes the drama of the spinny tails is fun, but it's SUCH a bold jacket that it only goes with like. THREE LOOKS. and it's too big to carry around so he HAS to wear it.

the reason we keep seeing jaskier in the jacket after he gets back together with geralt is PURELY as a subtle fuck you. LOOK AT THE JACKET, GERALT. HE LIKES IT SO MUCH. HE'S STILL WEARING IT. BECAUSE HE LIKES IT. YOU WERE WRONG. IT'S SO GREAT.

HE LIKES THE JACKET, GERALT.

#pen posts #geraskier #geralt #jaskier #pfffft he keeps wearing it in the hopes that SOMEONE will steal it #it's the reason he never got his hat back after his performance XD #he's just slowly strip teasing his way through his revenge wardrobe that he bought AND DOES NOT LIKE #HE BOUGHT IT OUT OF SPITE AND NOW HE'S PAYING FOR IT #BUT NO ONE WILL TAKE THE FUCKING JACKET #IT'S TOO DISTINCTIVE #A HAT OR A SCARF (THAT HAS A HORRIBLE FEELING AGAINST HIS SKIN THAT HE HATES) SURE YEAH #LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE THOSE #NO ONE'S THAT WORRIED ABOUT BEING ACCUSED OF STEALING LATER #BUT *EVERYONE* WOULD RECOGNIZE THE FUCKING JACKET #just jaskier stuck with this jacket forever because he canNOT admit he was wrong and get rid of it on his own #but it's also such a statement piece that no one will dare steal it no matter how hard he tries #oh my GOD he shoved it at geralt when they reunited #partially hoping the witcher would be bitchy about it and throw it in the river XD

I was always told that hiccups are caused by someone thinking about you, so I used be real sus about my parents being responsible..

I can see little Jask screaming at every single Witcher, because obviously they're thinking about him!

pfffft

eskel in passing trying to reasure grumbly babby with, "it just means someone's thinking about you"

but now babey is on a WARPATH >:(

no think him!!! stop it!!!!

anyone who looks like they're thinking about him too hard is getting CHOMPED

#asks #pen posts #selkie!jask verse

no thoughts head empty just baby selkie jask with hiccups

whole lil jiggly body jolting

OUTRAGED squeaks!! >:( how dare this happen to himb!!! someone!! someone is responsible!!!!

#pen posts #selkie!jask verse #too smol to remember having hiccups before #so this is the worst thing that has happened to him in his WHOLE entire little life >:(