I hate you for what you did (and I miss you like a little kid)- post tlo percabeth oneshot
The night of August 18th, camp half-blood was quiet. So quiet you could hear a pin drop. So quiet that it was scary, unsettling even: ‘cause camp never was and never had been quiet in the slightest, not until the night of August 18th, at least.
The campers and so the nymphs and dryads, even the birds up in the trees were silent, for one night only they all stood still: the adrenaline and hysteria from the victory of the battle of Manhattan was fading away, leaving behind only destruction, grief and loss.
Endless bunk beds remained empty, out of owners; the Apollo cabin was sad to look at: not a glowing ray of sunshine anymore: just dark and hollow. Nearly empty. Everyone understood that those missing souls deserved a little peace and quiet…even the chirping birds.
After the faint celebrations and laughs, after Clarisse and the others threw them in the lake, calm had settled…and that unescapable air of death had dawned onto the whole hill, brought by the night.
Annabeth was quiet too, laying still in her spot, her hair and clothes wet from the dunk in the lake, her lips salty from the kiss. Awake and mute: much like everyone else.
She’d dreamed of this night since the very first time she held her dagger: the time she was going to win, the one where she would get all the glory she deserved. Annabeth licked her lips again, balancing herself off the fact that they tasted like Percy’s…she got all the glory she wanted; she was a hero, she was a savior. Nothing could’ve prepared her for this moment, no fantasy of her child self could ever give her this emotion: Annabeth didn’t feel like a hero was supposed to, no, Annabeth felt like a murderer. She rubbed her palms on the sides of her shorts, still sensing the warm red blood that had stained them the same morning.
Luke’s blood. Luke’s blood all over Olympus, all over her clothes, all over her hands. She couldn’t seem to let go of the feeling of it, in the faint light of cabin six she could see they were clean and pristine, though it wasn’t enough. Annabeth wondered if she would feel it on her palms forever, if she would have to rip away her skin because of it.
She wondered if Percy felt it too. The blood on his hands. If he could see it splashed on the ground every time he closed his eyes. She ran her hands through her curls, trying to shake off the shivers that were running over her body: probably because she was soaking wet and hadn’t bothered changing into dry clothes, though Annabeth wasn’t sure that was the only reason.
He did it himself, Luke killed himself, she kept thinking, while asking herself if that really was the only possible option, after all. Maybe she could’ve saved him, maybe if she’d agreed to join him he would be well and alive now. No, you couldn’t- her own mind retorted to her thoughts, she tasted Percy’s lips again and shut her eyes close.
If she’d loved Luke like he wanted, maybe everyone would still be here…Annabeth’s brain reeled non-stop, endless scenarios started playing in her head; but the salt on her lips got stronger by the second, invading her own mind, Percy calming her with his memory.
It only had been a few hours since that underwater kiss, still she wanted more, Annabeth longed for the stinging salt on her lips: it almost made her forget about the burning sensation on her palms. As she put on her yankees cap and sprinted down to cabin 3, not a lot went through her head but the fact that she so desperately needed something to remind her that loving was worth it, that it didn’t always end up with blood stained blades.
The cabin’s front door easily opened, startling Percy in the process, who wasn’t asleep, like the rest of the campers. He sprinted to his feet, riptide in hand and eyes wide open, when he spot her standing she could see every piece of his body relax, he started whispering: “you-”
Annabeth, not wanting to break camp’s silence just yet, cupped both sides of his face and kissed him, quickly, a little awkwardly maybe…they still hadn’t discussed what they’re relationship was at, but their lips meeting again seemed right, even if it was shy and short, it was better than anything they’d ever felt before.
When she pulled away, their cheeks were flushed, it took Percy a few seconds to finish what he was saying: “...scared me, you scared me bad” his words were as low as possible, a little smile started growing on his lips.
“I’m sorry” was all she replied with, making herself at home and plopping her cap on the nightstand, "I'm sorry" she muttered again, more to herself this time, while tasting more salt on her lips. "I- " she tried to put it into words, and Percy said it for her:
"I know" he wore deep dark circles because of the insomnia and he kept his voice just a low breath, she knew he was trying to help out, but it somehow managed to make her even more anxious: she didn't want him to know. She'd hoped he wouldn't understand.
Percy put a firm hand on top of her shoulder, Annabeth noticed just now that she was still shivering from the cold and exhaustion, “do you want to um-” Percy sighed, preparing himself for what he was about to say:
“do you want to lay down?”
Those words hung up in the air for a few seconds too much, Annabeth had never been in cabin 3 this late at night, and even though technically they weren’t dating, it felt more than two best friends laying next to each other on a mattress…if you consider that the best friends in question enjoy kissing from time to time.
It was something they’d never done before, but just like the kissing part, it felt okay, it felt right. Annabeth didn’t say anything as she quietly plopped onto the right side of his bunk bed, he followed a moment later and laid next to her, pulled close by the small bed, their faces facing the ceiling.
She quickly discovered that the beds in cabin 3 were more comfortable than the ones in 6, laying on them was like being lulled by the warm waves of the night, whereas in the Athena cabin the bunks were lazily pressed to the walls, with hard and narrow mattresses…her mother’s message was clear: sleeping isn’t important.
His side pressed onto hers to fit on the bed, Percy’s body stiffened in awkwardness, but then quickly noticed that Annabeth wasn’t even noticing the closeness, she seemed to be on the lookout for something he couldn’t see, distracted by visions, she was rubbing her palms on her jeans as if her hands were really, really itchy.
With little thought, Percy grabbed her wrist, “don’t do that” he stated, his voice wasn’t mad, just concerned: her skin had a reddish color and looked irritated by the constant stress she was putting it in. Pushing through the embarrassment, he squeezed the hand in his, just to stop her from hurting it, Annabeth’s brain cleared out from the fog at his touch, she opened her mouth and quickly closed it again, realizing she didn’t have much to say. The silence was nice enough, why ruin it?
Percy might have thought the same, because they stayed quiet, the only sounds being the ones of their breaths itching close, him fidgeting with the covers with his free hand, confused on why she’d burst in at night with no explanation but, on the more honest side, not caring that much about it. She’d kissed him for three times, all in the same day, it was a win even bigger than the one they had in the morning.
That was when Percy’s brain clicked: Morning. War. Win. Luke. Shit.
He felt his heart drop to his stomach. She watched Luke die that morning, of course she was acting weird. Of course she couldn’t sleep like he couldn’t, of course he hadn’t thought about it because he was too busy noticing their arms slightly touching. Before he could even begin to figure out what to say, Annabeth talked for the first time in 30 minutes:
“I didn’t love him” she clarified, out loud, as if to get that out of the way: as if her bursting in and kissing him on the spot wasn’t enough. Annabeth shut her eyes, embarrassed by her own words, by her feelings, “but until he was alive some deep small part of me thought-” her voice quivered, she tightened her eyes shut trying to keep the tears in, Percy finally let go of their barrier and reached out to hug her close, she let him do it and pressed her face in the crook of his neck, silent tears started falling on his shirt, “I thought he could change” she mumbled, he whispered in her ear: “he did change” but Annabeth shook her head “he changed too late” her voice was becoming resentful, angry.
“I hate him so much, Percy” she sightly pulled away from his embrace, meeting his eyes and wiping away some tears, “I really do, but-” a deep sigh, “-but I also miss him” she covered her face with both her palms, trying to wipe away the sadness “I miss him more than I would like to, and there’s nothing I can do about it”
“but I don’t love him” she re-stated, Percy unconsciously took a sigh of relief, not really helping it, “that’s okay” he muttered, picking her hand once again, with their faces itching closer, she looked down at her tangled fingers…this wasn’t like her, going on talking about her issues and troubles: but this night, the night of August 18th, it was too much to bottle inside, she’d felt his death hover her, forbidding her to sleep.
Silence fell over them once again, Percy stared at her, the only light being the blue hue coming from the water fountain, her hair was still damp and she still had that warrior aura that had came over her that morning during battle…come to think of it, Annabeth always had it around her, to him, she was like one of those greek princesses that traveled with a dagger beneath their gown, only she wore it proudly on her belt; Percy’s throat dried up at the sight of her, from the fact that he could actually feel their hearts synchronize because of their closeness, he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to push away the nervousness.
Annabeth kept fidgeting with his hand, in her own way, she was avoiding his eyes, so he knew she must’ve been nervous too, feeling more secure of herself, lighter from the earlier confessions, she asked, out of the blue: “are we dating?” he wasn’t expecting her to ask, but instantly replied, with no hesitation whatsoever: “I hoped so” his tone was more fragile than Percy wanted it to be, he felt her squeeze his hand tighter, “good” she mumbled, a small smile appearing on her lips, the first of the night: “I think-” she got closer to look at him better and he mirrored her, finally meeting her yes, “-I think that’s the only thing I’m sure of right now” Annabeth finished, not letting go of his hand, her palms still red and scratched: only now she’d stopped sensing the blood on them.
Percy stopped in his tracks, thinking that it was a good place to start: being sure of what they were to each other after years of pining, they both stared into each other's eyes for a rough minute, Percy’s gaze casually slipping down to her lips eventually, Annabeth cleaned her throat after a while, “can I…can I spend the night?” she asked, trying to break through the quiet, he answered on the spot: “of course” he said, beginning to get up from his spot, “I can sleep on the other-” “Percy” she cut him off, her hand still grasping his, pulling him to her.
“oh. oh, of course” Percy mumbled under his breath, a deep blush spreading all over his face as he re-adjusted himself next to her, “I think we can sleep together” she went on, showing an amused grin at his reaction, “It’s not like we haven’t done it before” she whispered, draping an arm over him, sinking deeper into the covers, “we’re still best friends, after all”
Percy felt his chest warm at her words, when she finally laid her lips back on his, it was better than he could ever expect it to be: the awkwardness had melted away and the kiss was slow and laid back, when he pulled away he was more red than before, if that was even possible.
“best friends don’t do that” he mumbled under his breath, not breaking eye contact, Annabeth’s smile got wider “we do” she declared, Percy kissed her again, she pulled away almost laughing out of happiness, which to him felt like biggest win of all: considering how upset she’d come in, “thank you” she said, “for being there, you know” Annabeth’s face heated up, he kissed the top of the hand he was holding, “we’re best friends, after all”
She rolled her eyes at the mimicking, secretly flattered by his ability to remember every single one of her words, he went on: “we’ll get through this war” he sighed, “or better, the ending of this war” she hugged him and finished: “hopefully this time they’ll leave us alone”
Something tingled at the back of Percy’s brain, deep down, he knew that wouldn’t have been the case, they both did. But this wasn't the time to worry about it, they needed their time to heal: the new prophecy had to wait. He took a final deep sigh before drifting off to sleep: “hopefully”.
