#perfectassists

[dapperfvck-arc]

“I need to break a curse. I didn’t know who else to come to.” - [notyourprodigalson/Ward]

    “Sure, but it’s gonna cost ye.”

[forwardnevcrback-a-blog]

[text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [claire - magnetfordisaster]

[ text @ Claire ]: Did you trip over a new superhero?[ text @ Claire ]: Or find Captain America half dead in an ally?[ text @ Claire ]: Can he be hurt that badly for that matter? [ text @ Claire ]: Hmm. [ text @ Claire ]: Anyway, text me when you’re on the way home. Do you think you’ll be hungry? I’ll make you a midnight breakfast.

[aliasinvestigate-blog]

[text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [trish - morethanlipservice]

[Text: Trish] I almost want to ask what you were doing to chip it, but really I don’t want to know.

[Text: Trish] is he paying for a new manicure?

[aliasinvestigate-blog]

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [trish - morethanlipservice]

[Text: Trish] You’re fine because you’re not human. You look ‘slouchy’ hungover.

[Text: Trish] When I’m hungover, I look like I got hit by a god damn train. Twice. 

[aliasinvestigate-blog]

[text] When was the last time you wore pants? [trish - morethanlipservice]

[Text: Trish] I own jeans, not pants

[Text: Trish] and jeans are classified as optional at Alias.

[dapperfvck-arc]

[text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [trish - morethanlipservice]

[ text @ Hell of a Left Hook ]: Honey, I’ve looked the literal devil in the face, smiled, and told him to eat shit. I don’t need to prove to you or anyone else of the existence of me brass sodding balls.

[forwardnevcrback-a-blog]

[text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [trish - morethanlipservice]

[ text @ Trish ]: Yeah that sounds about right. [ text @ Trish ]: How deep in is she?

@morethanlipservice

[dapperfvck-arc]

[text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [college!Foggy - vegetableatbest]

[ 🌫 🌫 🌫 ]: That sounds awful. There’s no reason to be covered in lube unless you’re having a much better time than a slip and slide.