#performing is hard

[pandora15]

I just got roped into doing a singing performance and I haven't done that in probably three years hELP

[crazychoirkid-blog]

I learned a ton today

This is generally how it goes when I go to perform. I get up there I freak out and self analyze as I go and I feel like I'm awful and then in turn I sound awful and then it's just a hot mess. Well of course that happened today and I just knew I missed some pitches but I felt overall pretty good about it. Well later I found out something. That they were speaking of me and they're worried about my recital. In turn I totally get their concern. If I can't do it in a private setting how can I give my own recital? I'm asking myself that same question. But I know I have a ton of people who believe in me and know that I am capable of doing so. So this of course knocked every form of confidence I had about my voice down. I feel like I suck and should just quit. But I've just got to get up and keep going. I went along the rest of my day and felt better after I talked to my loving professors. They were incredibly encouraging. I am just so frustrated with myself because I have completely lost it probably 8 times today. Why am I so emotional? Why do I feel the need to cry over everything I say or do? My prof said I had pitch problems so I broke down? Who cares?! I should be able to take that. But no I didn't. I cried a thousand times today. Why? I feel so weak and helpless. I just wish I had more control over my emotions but I really don't. It's incredibly frustrating. But I also learned one more thing today. I am a fantastic teacher. I got the opportunity to direct women's chorale for a whole hour and it was amazing. Sure I messed up. Sure I wasn't perfect but that was okay. I was able to direct them in such a way that was a productive rehearsal and I was also able to bring some classroom bonding together over my silly stories and gestures. Yes. I needed more confidence but I did my best and I was happy while doing it. I had the best time. That hour absolutely flew by. I loved it. So it was a great way to end a hard morning I absolutely love teaching and I believe that was gods way of telling me to keep swimming :)