I perseverate. I literally cannot remember a moment where I have thought about a moment, an action, an interaction ONLY once and dropped it. I consistently go over in my head of my interactions and words, because of this, I overthink everything even the most minute circumstances and even events that occurred decades ago. I wish to make something the best it can be; I want to be the best; I want complete perfection within everything I do and my surroundings. I'll beat myself up about burning food, because I shouldn't have done that because I'm better than that, thinking I have offended someone in a quick retort or worst of all not being myself in a moment. This has harvested into depression, transitioned into anxiety, and manifested into PTSD. Therefore I take risks, but even then I will still feel I overstep the boundaries I established in my head, whether it be at work, home, interactions with people I know or those I passing, etc. That being said, I believe everything has a purpose. A mentor once told me that when he watched me work, I always move with a purpose. Every little detail and movement has its purpose one way or another and I strongly believe that people should move with a purpose, interact with a purpose. I think chit-chat is inane and I hate it. The weather changes all the time, that's not new; it's not a very personal conversation. But when you can take details about someone and apply it, it sparks a light in me. Oh you hate mushrooms okay, I'll remember that. You're a vegetarian, cool. You like that TV programme, I do as well. I'll remember. I'll always continue to strive to learn more about friends, people, and pretty much everything, because I want to improve everything in this world. I want to help as much as possible. That's one of my motivations. I thrive on integrity, morality, creativity, and purpose. And I'm going to continue '[making] a tiny universe out of a great big world', despite the doubts. #motivation #inspiration #latenightthoughts #positivity #purpose #improve #perseverate
