OMG, SHE'S STILL THE GIRL BEHIND THE RED DOOR, BUT SHE'S A WOMAN NOW.
I REALLY LIKE BEING THE WOMAN BEHIND THE RED DOOR.
#SophiaBush #Easy #3x03 #thegirlbehindthereddoor #BrookeDavis #OneTreeHill #Netflix #wlw #ladyboss

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Sade Olutola
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
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will byers stan first human second
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art blog(derogatory)

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@haughtchef
OMG, SHE'S STILL THE GIRL BEHIND THE RED DOOR, BUT SHE'S A WOMAN NOW.
I REALLY LIKE BEING THE WOMAN BEHIND THE RED DOOR.
#SophiaBush #Easy #3x03 #thegirlbehindthereddoor #BrookeDavis #OneTreeHill #Netflix #wlw #ladyboss
A reminder to to those who need it. Those who are struggling with depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. You are enough. Please reach out to me if you need to talk. ∆ To the sh*ttickets: Karma is going to bite you back hard for the crap to all those that are hurting my tribes. Get the fuh outta here. #EmFit #strongcapablebadass #superhero #motivation #inspiration #positivity #support #Earpersupport #karma #help #journey #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness
Part one of The Body Awareness Project is launching at the end of this week! #healing #skin #bodypositivity #bodyawareness #acne #skincare #guthealth #nutrition #selflove #naturalhealing #natural #diet #Repost @bodyawarenessproject ∆ To learn all there is to know about the skin and truly get to the root of how to heal, I reached out to experts who are doing incredible work for others. My guest @rachaelpontillo and I could have talked forever; the videos we have for you involve talks on herbs, cystic acne compresses, finding your dosha, Ayurvedic medicinal practices for the skin, and so much more. Read more about Rachel Pontillo below. . Rachael Pontillo is the bestselling author of the book Love Your Skin, Love Yourself, and co-author of The Sauce Code. She’s an AADP and IAHC Board Certified International Health Coach, licensed aesthetician; and natural skincare formulator and educator. She’s the president and co-founder of the Nutritional Aesthetics™ Alliance, the creator of the popular skincare and healthy lifestyle blog, Holistically Haute™, as well as the much-loved online course, Create Your Skincare. She’s an avid herbalist, self-professed skincare ingredient junkie, and lifelong learner. So grateful for her to be a part of this. #bodyawarenessproject #lovetheskinyouarein
Oyster - Water: Patient, secret keeper, hiding inner treasures When in balance: feels blessed, generous, masterful When out of balance: reluctant, gripping, 'clams up' To bring into balance: share something ∆ 'The focus and determination of the oyster is unmatched. Anything an oyster personality puts their mind to, they achieve with grace and charm. The only problem is, oyster types often take their inner gifts for granted. They become shy or doubtful, and this can lead to withdrawing or protecting their deepest desires and life's work. When the oyster card appears it's important to reveal your inner treasures. What is it you've been hesitant to share. The world is waiting to see.' ∆ This couldn't really have come into my life at a better time. It's true. There are many ideas I want to accomplish. Things I've held close to my heart, waiting to share, waiting for a good time. It's official. I see the signs. My heart is bursting. #herbalelement #thewildunknown #animalspirits #spiritanimals #oyster #balance #water #gratitude #motivation #inspiration #cards #hope #love #thankful
Holidays
The last two months for me this year have been extremely tumultuous; not only for deeply personal experiences, but also for specifically the holiday season, Thanksgiving and upcoming Christmas. Anyone who knows me remotely knows how much I love Christmas. There is something I find so magical about it, and I still cannot put words to how much joy it simply brings to my heart seeing decorations and lights come out.
But let’s start at the beginning of the holiday season first: Thanksgiving.
Driving back from work, I think the day before Thanksgiving, I began crying and when I finally parked my car, I bawled my eyes out. I realised over the course of the night as it slowed down and everyone was inquiring about people's plans and spending time with each others' families, I simply had not spent a Thanksgiving with my own family for a decade. Not only that, but also I was not even asked by my parents over the course of those years about doing anything together for Thanksgiving at all.
My family has never been big on holidays at all. So it's not surprising really to not even have Thanksgiving to ever been brought up, but this year I realised how much it truly struck a chord with me when asked by co-workers or new friends what my plans were or what I 'usually' did. Hah what I usually did.
Every year is completely different; sometimes I would spend it with a friend, other years if I happen to be in a relationship I would spent it with my partner's family, one year I spent it with a family whose roof I was living under. And I'm extremely grateful for the people who take me during the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas included, also Easter or even Fourth of July, whatever holiday.
This is the same for Christmas. Over the course of the last ten years, I was gracious enough to have spent Christmas in London, Bruges, Paris, Florence, and Hong Kong and I'm forever thankful to have traveled and seen the beauty within those cities. But a few I knew I took for granted and I regret that, but something always seemed to be missing.
I love Christmas and love the traditional nuances that come with it that I remember from childhood. Actually, my favourite Christmas to date has been the one in Hong Kong, my birthplace. It was a revelation and an experience of introspection and self-respect. I confronted my parents on how abandoned I felt when I left for college and they moved to London and I no longer had a home in my hometown of Harvard, MA amongst apple orchards in the United States. I learned more about where I came from and my own childhood.
2017, I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I'm extremely grateful for the people (whom I can call family) whom have come into my life and have taken me under their roof under kindness within their own warmth of their homes to celebrate the holidays. This Christmas I chose not spend it with my own family and while that has not been the first time and I'm sure it will not be the last time, I realise it is personally the most impactful decision for my head space I have made for any holidays over the decade.
Over the last several months, I have struggled with anxiety and PTSD and the last two months it has gotten a lot worse. Worse to point where it has affected me at work and daily life. I recently had an anxiety attack in front of the owner and all my co-workers on the line. I realised about two years ago in therapy, I was and am a victim of domestic abuse. And now, I'm realising triggers; vocal tones, personal space issues, why I stopped wearing necklaces are some I recognise.
Last Christmas with my family, the first couple days were everything I could have ever wanted: warming, inviting, loving, joyous. And suddenly, criticism, cynicism, and judgment followed me everywhere and soon I sunk in that hole of depression, self-loathing, utterly low self-worth, I felt when I was berated and abused by my own father when I was a child.
While I addressed my issues with my family and working to move on, I did not realise how difficult this Christmas would be, in terms of how significant it is and how emotional I would be. I'm very grateful to even have to the option to chose to not spend holidays with my family as I know there are people in this world who do not have that option. I truly hope that everyone who reads this is able to spend their holidays with people they love and are in a SAFE environment. Please don't take the little things for granted.
The best Christmas stockings ever. Period. And will forever live on my wall when Christmas is over #Christmas #Christmastree #holidays #holigays #Shortys #Purgatory #PurgatorySheriffDepartment #WynonnaEarp #Earpers #NicoleHaught #WaverlyEarp #WayHaught
Insecurity, part 1 of a series of vignettes
(This is going to be a bunch of vignettes that I'll probably write late at night after work. I have a lot of thoughts. I hope that it'll help organise my ideas for my book and somehow help someone. Also the first draft off this was a lot better, but there was an error and it got erased, go figure.)
Insecurity.
It's not a word I often resonate with. In fact, I could gladly shove it far away, because I feel I am quite bold and assertive and have an uncanny quip that can make feel someone feel stupid unfortunately.
Even today, I kicked ass in my morning prep, with my food, on sauté tonight, and I prioritised the orders, I got an amazing sear on the haddock, and l felt I owned my position and did the best out of my anyone who could've been in the position.
But when the calm begins to settle in my thoughts, then the restless and doubt slowly creeps in.
Recently and often during low points in my life though, I find myself comparing myself to others. Why could I never assimilate myself into the inner circle? And why is it I always seem to have one foot in the inner circle and one foot out in the outer? What sets me so apart that every group of friends I have had I'm still the outsider?
Was I not trustworthy enough? Why was I not asked for advice? Why wasn't I invited to go out? Was it because I didn't drink? Why wasn't I texted first? Hell? Why was I not texted at all?! Was I not thought of at all!? Why do I have to text first? What qualities did mutual friends have that I did have that allowed them to be part of the inner circle? More and more, I found I compared myself to others lately; nowadays it is even more detrimental with every social media outlet like Twitter and Instagram, scrolling through all the likes, the retweets, and the comments.
And. It. Is. Intoxicating.
There's a quote from Grey's Anatomy: "She's my person. This is not about getting her approval. It's about telling her... if I murdered someone, she's the person I'd call to help me drag the corpse across the living room floor. She's my person." ~Cristina Yang
I value close, honest, loyal, personal relationships. Sometimes I feel that it is lost nowadays. As logically as I think, I have abstract thoughts and it is difficult to connect with people for me. That's not say I feel superior about it; it's rare to connect with people who feel similar empathy and admittedly, emotional turmoil. However, I truly love making connections and people. But this tug of war is draining.
I think I have a person. Do you have a person?
I wait for the day when it's not one person, it is multiple persons. People. A network. A family. To call on for support. For help.
Not only for that, but for good. For joy. For love.
But until that day arrives, a little part of my soul will always question why is it not enough? Why AM I not enough? For you? For anyone?
When will my inner circle come? But will I even welcome it? Because if I'm on the inside, then someone else is on the outside like I was.
I feel inexplicably sad right now.
I can't shake this funk. So many things feel off. Things I can't control. Things I probably could control. My body feels worn. I can't catch my breath. I feel faint. I wish I could sleep for more than three hours at a time.
Baby steps are needed to improve to help feel better. And I'm trying, but it doesn't feel like anything is helping.
I've cried too much this past week. I've drank more in two days than I probably have in at least three years. I feel like literal shit, especially treating my body like shit, giving it so much alcohol and undereating unintentionally.
I question my self worth to shocking extent and unfortunately, started to compare myself to others. I almost deleted my Twitter because seeing everyone else's connections is driving me crazy. Instagram sort of makes me feel better because I can put words to artwork, another medium. But I think I still don't understand Twitter at all. And it makes me feel like an outsider on top or already feeling like one outside out that medium.
I want to feel at least slightly whole again. Not even slightly or remotely, but completely. I don't feel like anything is enough. I want to feel enough for myself, for others.
My mood is shifting and flowing back and forth like waves of the ocean working through a storm. One thing that I'm doing to try to help myself when I can't really go to anyone is using podcasts. I think now I really think I want, I need a tattoo, this emblem, to keep with me all the time. I keep imagining it and it feels right. If there's at least two things I want tattooed on my body next it's definitely this.
But maybe somehow putting this out there will help. If it doesn't then, I don't know if my thoughts are translating well. Then what can I do?
You also don’t know that I protect my team, and you, Danvers, you’re on my team. And I promise you, we’re not gonna let what happened to my sister happen to yours.
I'm trying to become more comfortable opening up in general to people, whether that be in daily interactions, personal ones, or even ones with fleeting strangers. I empathise greatly, I feel intensely, and often I have no idea how to express myself, especially in the moment. Writing and photography for me go hand-in-hand in helping convey my inner self and I can only hope that my stories may help others. _ To outsider's, I have a strict diet. To me, it's my lifestyle. I don't think of it as restrictive or I'm boxed in. My diet works for me and I love it. I have achieved the results I have wanted through daily macro nutrition and fitness, I feel better about my body and what I am ultimately put in it and that is why I choose to not consume dairy, gluten, grains, bad oils like canola/corn/peanut, refined sugar. That and I know what my body cannot tolerate. Everyone's body is different which is fascinating. _ (Trigger warning: depression, self-harm, abuse, suicide) With that being said, today, December 1st marks the twelfth year since I last self inflicted and I attempted suicide. Since that day, in 2005, I stood in my shower with a box cutter staring at my right wrist, seeing my vein completely exposed, mere centimetres of being able to be punctured. Something inside of me stopped; realised and hoped and desperately wished for something better. For a better life and period to come. _ Today, I break a lot of my nutritional ideals and celebrate life and my existence by eating cheesecake that I do annually this day. I don't care about the dairy, gluten, bad oils, sugar. I'm going to eat ALL the butter today and go right back to my diet at midnight. _ There are plenty of crappy days among the great ones, but I take them in stride now. I surround myself with positive people, people that I know support me and have my back, ideas, and items that fill me with joy. Make sure you take time to celebrate and appreciate the small pleasures in life. _ Remember, respect, and empathise with others stories and listen without judgement, because NO ONE has lived in someone else's experiences. #motivation #inspiration #empowered #positivity #awareness #love #respect #empathy
Monday I could feel it. I even said it out loud and admitted to myself and a friend that I was mentally drained and exhausted. I had spent the whole day in and out of sleep that I felt I 'wasted' the day, even though I ultimately knew I need the rest, knowing full well I was, will, and had been working a lot of hours. _ Wednesday night, I reached that point. One word could describe that moment: vulnerability. I thought embarrassing. And while yes, it was embarrassing, possibly humiliating, a huge kick to my hubris to have an anxiety attack in front of my boss and my co-workers seeing my emotions boil over in a moment during service; I took it in stride and dealt with it the best I thought I could at the time, even though I still have no clue how to deal or cope with my anxiety when it arises. _ I push myself to the point of breaking, a fault I always have to work on, because I always want to account for every increment of my time. I have goals I wish to achieve and I want to manage my time well to fulfill that. But there comes a point, you need to step back and take care of yourself. I know my stress levels are high, my cortisol is through the roof, and the build up to how absolute crap I have felt this week is tremendous. And although this week was crap, I'm still never been in a better point in my life. _ Flashback to almost two years ago standing atop a peak (ironically called Lover's Rock) looking over Hong Kong, I felt free, but aimless, heartbroken, lost, insecure. Now, I have goals, inspiration, a tribe. I feel freer from my past experiences and issues and my heart fills so full now. _ Respect the journey. Respect the process of finding yourself. _ #motivation #inspiration #journey #fitness #traveling #HongKong #respect #vulnerability #vulnerabilityisstrength #life #positivity #positivevibes #anxiety #coping #love #respect #selflove #vulnerable #humility (at Bowen Road, Hong Kong)
This is beautiful and heart breaking
My gay heart
I don’t think straight people even understand we have this fear
🎶🎧
I've been waiting to post this photograph, because I feel like it is one with the such a genuine smile. This was taken over a year ago. A lot has happened since then. My body has had many changes that I'm so happy about, but today I'm happy. I'm letting go of the past as best I can. I addressed issues from my past this week. Today, I officially came out to my parents. I didn't want it to feel like they thought it was a phase or experimenting anymore. And I feel a huge sense of relief, overwhelming joy and love from friends and strangers. I'm done filtering myself and being me. #motivation #inspiration #love #LGBT #comingout #gay #queer #nofilter #empowerment #LGBTrepresentation #Earpers #WynonnaEarp #community #tribe #positivity #positivevibes #bodypositivity #bodypositive #fitness #tattoos #modeling #photshoot #overcomingdepression #overcoming
I don't take the time many days to make a nice meal for myself. I eat a lot eggs and not enough veggies, even though I love veggies. I struggle with the decision of eating meat because I don't enjoy it as much as I used to and I feel I'm more in love with flavour profiles when it comes to cooking and eating hand in hand. But today I made a meal that I came up with in school. I would go to the salad bar at my college; but me being a person who's not fond of lettuce, I would load my container with garbanzo beans, hard boiled eggs, spinach, mushrooms, grapes, feta. Later I'd stop by a Wholefoods and buy a package of ground lamb, then cook that up with a bunch of herbs and spices. Then I'd basically dump my 'salad' in with my cooked lamb and let that simmer until the flavours came together. Today, I took the time buy each ingredient I wanted, weighed it, and decide on the flavours. I prepped each item and set it aside, so I could put them in at the right time. I was so hungry and the whole meal hit the spot for my nutrition and macros. And of course, I put microgreens on top. This is the meal that I crushed for this week. It simply reminds me how I love to create and be inventive. I don't eat dairy anymore, so I omitted the feta. It's a recipe that can easily be adjusted to fit macros and proves it doesn't have to be challenge nor sacrifice flavour either. Ingredients: Bacon, raddichio, vidalia onion, garlic, sun-dried tomatoes, ground lamb, garbanzo beans, red seedless grapes, rosemary, oregano, cilantro, salt & pepper @emilyschromm #macros #lamb #bacon #fat #greens #herbs #spices #flavour #microgreens #sundriedtomatoes #grapes #garbanzobeans #cecibeans #greens #spinach #eggs # salad #creations #dairyfree #glutenfree #motivation #inspiration #EmFit #MacroswithEm #foodmacros #food #foodphotography #chef #cheflife