#persistent depressive disorder

[cryptidsaints]

still thinking about how no one could believe i was mentally ill up until my diagnosis.

the talented kid. the responsible cousin. the eldest sister. the hardworking student. apparently being able to keep up with the curve meant i was healthy and stable.

but who knew wars could be quiet? the soldiers scream their battle cries, gunfire ricochets in my skull, and white phosphorus spreads its fog across my brain. for years and years and years, i have persevered through this famine of quietude.

i am tired of being praised for being resilient. i have been waiting and waiting and waiting for a moment of temporary weakness. for the permission to fall apart. for the glass to shatter, for the melody to turn dissonant. if i am damned to never bask in normality, then may this twisted tapestry of guts and thoughts and insanity be allowed to unravel.

[godblessdoppo]

I'm exhausted, mentally, physically, is probably the damned humidity or july that's taking an eternity to end, and i have stuff to do before the day ends. Listen, i try not to show that on face but today i meet my brother at his job and he told me "you look destroyed", i'm so very grateful it is obvious

[amadeusinabsentia]

dearest userbox community i have summoned you again............are there any pdd/persistent depressive disorder userboxes.......or just depression userboxes overall..........i keep finding mdd userboxes 💔 (also i love texting like this it's so funny to me)

[persistence-despite]

Blog intro:

This is for us with persistent depressive disorder/chronically depressed folks to share experiences, put them into words, joke, and maybe exchange some advice.

This blog is not primarily for venting or about recovery. It's about living everyday life with pdd and general pondering on it.

Do send any pdd thoughts in asks and submissions! :)

[nothingd0ll]

no antidepressant can mask the fact that i live here, on this planet.

[godblessdoppo]

I'm trying to find one entry saying how horrible is to know depression made you dumber, or so, i'm paraphrasing rn. Because i'm in those moments where i realize how it consumed my brain for years i could've spend doing some enrichment for myself. I'm not sad, but the acceptance of it is not nice to digest

[erratic-meowmeow]

i think one of the most under-discussed symptoms of PDD is the death of desire.

i see a lot of posts about desire. About doing the things you want to do, about reaching for things you like. and i agree with these posts on the surface, i am a very materialist person.

but the problem is. i dont want things. i dont care about surviving, i dont feel the need to eat, i dont want to talk to friends. Im not against these things, and they do make me feel marginally better. but the sense of desire is completely missing.

idk. PDD sucks bad.

[doc-jim]

Helplesss. helpesss. helplesss. helplessssss.

I live to be in torture and to torture by mere existance in this body, with this brain. Im insufferableeeeeeeeee I never deserved happiness 🎉🎉🎉