Learning to Do Things by Yourself
Or, how not to appear touristy.
At a certain point in everyone’s life we wind up somewhere new, on our own, completely lacking any friendly faces. And if that hasn’t been the case for you, well...I’m very. Happy. For. You.
For the rest of us though, it’s a very normal part of merging into the traffic jam that is adult life. You may even have some friends where you’re moving, but chances are your jobs will keep you from spending too much time together. After all, this isn’t high school we’re talking about. You’re not going to be seeing the same 20 faces from 8am-3pm every day for 3/4 of the year (instead you’ll be seeing the same 10-15 faces every day from 9am-5pm every day of the year).
Still, you’re young! Hip! Full of life and energy! You gotta get out there!
Alone.
Yeah. It’s scary. Who does stuff alone anymore? That lonely guy at the theater? Sad. And that woman in the Italian bistro with her poetry anthology? Hopeless. And that poor boy wandering aimlessly in the park? Well, he’s orphaned and might actually be a rabid feral child, so avoid him.
Seriously though, it sucks to do things alone...at first. Admittedly, it takes a bit of willpower to force yourself to go out into the world and to experience it solo. After all, life is much more fun when you’ve got someone else with whom you can bask in the absurdity of it all. I won’t deny that I’m people-dependent. Generally, if I’m alone, I’m probably not in a great mood.
But that’s not a healthy attitude, dammit! Do as I say, not as I do!
Solitude isn’t a claustrophobic experience, nor is it as vastly lonely as being lost at sea. When you’re doing things on your own, you’re actually doing them with the most important person you’ll need to get to know in your life: yourself.
Day after day we live out our lives without really knowing who we are, what we fear, why we fear it, etc. etc. Mostly, that’s because we’re distracted by the people around us. And I don’t mean that in the way a teacher says a cell phone distracts you from learning about history or whatever. I love being distracted by the people around me, because I get to know them so much better. And they get to know me. But in the process of socializing and meeting people, I never really get to know myself.
This was something I realized just by staying up late at night past the point of people being awake to “Like” things on Facebook. I was alone in my own little world, and all I had were my thoughts and the internet. The internet is mind numbing, but your thoughts are terrifying. When you’re thinking, you’re realizing all the shit that’s worrying you and that’s scaring you and you think about your inadequacies and your faults and you criticize yourself and it gets overwhelming. You know why those last moments before you go to sleep are full of all your anxieties? Because you don’t take the time to face them during the day. And you don’t do that because there’s so many THINGS to do during the day, and so many people with whom to do those things.
So next time your friends are working and you’ve got the day off, don’t just lock yourself in your apartment or drink until you pass out. Get out there. Take a walk downtown and watch people who need to be places from the perspective of a person who’s already there. Get a table for one at a new restaurant and gorge yourself, free from the judgment of friends. Catch that new Ryan Gosling movie, because you don’t need a whole party to appreciate that dreamboat.
Learning to do things by yourself is the first step in learning how to be your own friend. And that’s something you deserve, because the rest of us think you’re pretty great.
