#personal confusion

[ruielthecreatorofideas]

I became an author so that I could be able to discern my reality from my imagination. Otherwise, I would live in my imagination and never be able to tell it apart from reality.

But I still sometimes get them mixed up... Which is both frustrating and confusing for both me and others involved.

[helluva-pilot]

i just feel like i can’t say im bi because i’ve never actually liked a girl but....at the same time i have been aggressively telling myself i’m straight my entire life and grew up in such a strict christian home and girls are a++++ so it is just overall confusing.  

[rantsnomore]

Matthew

"You accept the love you think you deserve" This quote is my life... And always will be. I can't tell you how many times I come home at night thinking, I need to end this before he does, because if he ends it it'll be harder on me. But if I end it then I have no one to blame but me.. I think it'll be easier. Because I'm stupid for constantly agreeing to do everything for him, I'm 99% sure he's using me so I can take care of his job or just agree with whatever he says. Today I got thinking though, maybe he's so freaked out by me is because I remind him of hanna or I actually have things in common with him. I know that it's going to be over in 30 days and there are moments I'm 100% in at with that... Then other moment come and i get sad, I'm not even sure why I'm sad about it... We really don't have much of a connection. I think I'm intrigued because he would call me back time and time again even though I wouldn't sleep with him. Maybe because I like that he's straight forward and doesn't tolerate bull shit. I can tell you right now I don't love him and I never could...... But there's something that makes me think of him if I try to think of someone else. When I picture myself trying to hook up with someone I see myself crying and saying sorry I can't do this like I'm cheating or something... But I wouldn't be, so why? Because he kisses me perfectly? I mean that's all he goes right Sooo is that it? If that it then why? It makes 0 sense and I'm scared to never see him again after this semester. But I'm gonna let him do him... When he leaves he leaves, maybe in 5 years I'll run into him again, maybe... Do I accept this shitty treatment because I was never really treated right? Because I grew up very independent, and my first bouquet of flowers came from my aunt got senior graduation? Because my dad never told me I was beautiful... Is that why I can't accept it when people say I am? Why I don't believe them? I never had a relationship with my parents... Does that cause a factor? I've done everything everyone always asked, is that why I continue to do that today? Why I don't stand up for me because I was taught to just do it and deal with it. Is that why I'm attached to Matt? Because he doesn't treat me like a princess but like someone he's not gonna text the next day? I don't know and probably never will, but the question why will always remain

[nireidi]

Gender confuses me sometimes, like I kinda go with female for myself cuz everyone said so when i was a kid, and i have no real connection to my gender, like i used to get mistaken for a boy as a little kid, and i just kinda went with it, like it didn't bother me at all. So sometimes i feel like a really bad ally cuz, i thought for years that everyone just kinda went with it? like i still don't really understand why anyone wants to change sex? cuz like, a body is a body? i don't know, i mean ill use whatever pronouns the person prefers, but like its just so strange, like everything is so arbitrary, maybe I'm also kinda overtired.

[possum-princee]

How do you explain to your parents that your a princess with no gender?

[dogeyobogey]

What does it say about me that one of the most common comments said to me in jest is "I want you to bear my child/want to make you pregnant/when I make you pregnant" or some other variation thereof. Like... Do I give off some sort of maternal aura? Am I good parent material? Was I a seahorse in a past life?

[iputthekinkapow-blog]

Is it weird that i'm kinda nervous about using the tag #morescott tonight? 'Cause like what if I use it wrong? Am i supposed just tweet "hey this episode sucks. give us "#morescott"? Or like tweet all the ways the episode could be better with "#morescott"? OOOOR am i just being ridiculous??

[mci-reloaded]

It was two years ago. Why do people think it was last summer.