Saw a post about crossdressing this morning and also got a message that warmed my heart, and that got me thinking about a moment where I had some gender related euphoria. So now I'm gonna tell you a story.
So about a year or two ago, my parents were out of town on a trip while I stayed home to care for my brother. And in that time, it snowed. Now, I'm a bit out of practice when it comes to shoveling, we don't get as much where we live now, but I knew I had to go shovel it so the driveway didn't become dangerous. So I went out and took care of our driveway and sidewalk. And I noticed, I was late, everyone else had already done theirs. Everyone, except for myself and my neighbor. My neighbor is an older lady, she can't get around so well. So once I finished our property, thinking I was all alone, I went and got her sidewalk cleaned up.
Well, I was not as stealthy as I'd thought. She ended up coming to the door and called out to me in thanks. And she asked me if I was my father's son. I guess she remembered that her neighbors had a son, but not that they had three daughters as well. We'd never met before, she probably didn't know I existed. Now she does, she sees me taking photos in our yard of my dolls at the very least. But there I was in my winter coat and pajama bottoms, my long hair a mess under my hat, slightly sick with a cough, being mistaken for an eldest son. When my mom called to check up on us, I told her this story, and she laughed and said she was sorry. And I couldn't help but be confused. There was nothing to be sorry for. If anything, I rather liked being mistaken for a gentleman. It likely wasn't a comment on my presentation, it was more likely a case of piecing together information incorrectly and my performing of a task that typically (but not always) a man might do. But I'd like to think maybe I was convincing regardless.
And that was the first time I really came to terms with that for myself. I don't identify as a man in the slightest, but I like being mistaken for a man. I like occasionally dressing in a way that's masculine, hell, I have a character for cosplaying that makes me feel hella handsome whenever I put him on. I aspire to voice more male characters, I have this deep voice for a woman and I want to flex it a little, push it to see what it can do. There's a friend I voice some OCs for that happen to be a couple, a man and a woman, and in this one skit where they're together, so many people don't catch on that I play both characters until they get to the credits. That is such a good feeling! What a funny thing, to be excited that you couldn't identify me as me, but genuinely, I love that just as much as I love being recognized. I have range, baby! I like feeling like a shapeshifter, that I can be anything I want, be that masculine, feminine, neutral, over the top, whatever. I've got the power to do that. There's something really freeing in that. I still feel like a woman, but it's nice to know that being a woman doesn't limit how I can present or how I'm allowed to feel about myself. I can truly be anything.
