May 18
oof the unpleasant adult experience of thinking “SURELY someone skimmed my credit card, I don’t remember half these charges and this bill is much larger than I anticipated” and then going step by step to realize hmm. the villain was me.
seen from Australia
seen from Netherlands
seen from Macao SAR China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from Kuwait
seen from Singapore
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from United States
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Netherlands
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
oof the unpleasant adult experience of thinking “SURELY someone skimmed my credit card, I don’t remember half these charges and this bill is much larger than I anticipated” and then going step by step to realize hmm. the villain was me.
I never know how to say this because I don’t want it to come across as anti-women’s sports and I’m sure it’s not an original observation. but why does every team have to be named like The Ennui instead of a cool sounding plural noun. it feels uncomfortably like everyone agreed on this trend to make sure no one would ever mistake a women’s team for a men’s even for a second, like they’re totally separate enterprises. and also like. women can’t be Wildcats or whatever cause it’s Violent and… individualistic? rather than the Abstract Collective. I dunno it’s not always the nicest thing but sports is kind of good for processing aggression and strong emotion in general, right? at least it was for me. genuinely nice inspirational commercials about how good these teams are for the community but like. so do we get to yell mean funny chants at these games and do they get to hate the other team when they score or do they have to be Better Than That.
anyway women’s hockey is live on youtube which is cool. I haven’t watched sports in awhile. I wish there was a team around here. they’re extremely good!
the trouble with trying to engage more in creativity is that I desperately, desperately want to create. so when I let myself open a new document and go, then it’s 3 am and I’m on wikipedia for the History of Tea and I have work in a few hours. it’s always immediately 3am and I always have work in a few hours so I shouldn’t write and I desperately want to.
i am DONE with paperwork for THREE DAYS
God every year it’s like “huh, mother’s day doesn’t hurt as bad this year” and then I experience a fugue state for several hours and then by evening I am like one of those eggs in vinegar where the shell has all dissolved off
really not a big fan of what seems to be the current situation of needing to lower my steps goal for the next few days and hoping I can fix whatever is going on with my feet. walking regularly has been the thread my mental functioning has been hanging by this year and I really tried to keep my daily goal low so it would be sustainable in bad times because it is so, so hard to restart a habit once it’s broken. I feel like I’m mourning it and it’s only been a day.
made it to an in person queer kink social thing and I’m very proud of myself especially since it was on a weekday. and it went well! people were so nice! I forget that I’m not actually terrible at socializing when I’m in the right setting, and likewise if I’m in a setting that feels safe the anxiety calms down after a bit.
weird to have to add “maybe I’ll spend ten years in prison for doing my job” to my list of anxieties about the next ten years