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Working on yourself doesn’t have to mean that you start to lose your practice or “fall behind”. Sometimes working on yourself is part of your practice. You have to heal yourself in order to better yourself and your practice. - Lesson/advice from Loki and Sigyn
The most useful CE for a long while!
Trust me on this! Get it and MLB it!
Dec 11, 22
Lessons Learned
today got a reading from my wife and i learned that i need to trust myself and stop seeking input from unreliable outside sources (not including research from properly sourced text)
so this is for my future self, when i reread this blog from time to time: my intuition is correct. if what i am doing feels right, is not hurting anyone, and ultimately helps me, then by all means i should keep doing it.
magic and spirituality, even working with gods is such a personal and individual experience that ultimately no one can tell me what I'm supposed to be doing or how it's supposed to feel but myself; especially when my practices and devotions are not harming anyone
i need to trust myself above all else, my voice should be my faith. i am powerful and ever developing my sharpening sense of intuition. where ever my path takes me, i will get myself there
i am also ever learning to be *private* with my practices because of how personal things are for the fact that everyone won't understand and some will even argue and adamantly say i am doing things wrong
i know myself
i am on the right path
Lesson Notes
I took a jumping lesson not too long ago at a barn I rode at as a kid. I needed some guidance on how to work with my body, current injuries, and imbalances. The biggest things I got out of the lesson were IT'S OK TO FUCK UP. You have to fuck up before you get it right. That's what practice is for. You'll probably fuck up for years and years and years. Some of the things I was screwing up I'll fix in a month, some I need physical therapy to fix and lots of riding hours. My instructor told me some things she STILL does to prevent mistakes. She has been riding for a very long time. You never stop learning with this sport. One of my injuries resulted in a rotated hip so we messed around with ideas until we decided dropping my right stirrup two holes was the solution and OMG it worked beautifully. I was able to keep pressure in the stirrup, which I am NEVER able to do with my right leg. It sucks to not have even stirrups after years of being told to have them even but it worked. IT WORKED. Years of having a rotated hip with no practical solution and all it took was a dropped stirrup on the right to make it easier. The lesson was a great confidence boost. It was only my fifth or sixth time back on a horse in a few years, with a few rides last summer that probably didn't count much, and by the end of the lesson we were doing small courses 2'3-2'9". I was proud because after my timber racer wreck in '08 I had huge confidence issues that seem to be pretty much manageable now. A 2' jump after that used to scare me, which is ridic because with the racehorses and in Germany I was jumping up to 4' reg, but I didn't even flinch a bit at this lesson. Not one hint of anxiety. Super fucking excited to get myself back into this. Maybe the show ring isn't too far off? There was way more to that lesson, I should probably write about the rest as well but that's about all I can handle right now. I still have some trust issues. I still get ahead or behind. I still have trouble putting it all together, though most of that is lack of muscle because my brain KNOWS what it's suppose to do and my damned body won't listen, or it will for a few seconds and then it falls apart a bit. Oh well. Point being I have lots to work on and solutions to problems I didn't think I'd ever find. Hooray!
In great attempts it is glorious even to fail
Bruce Lee
Indifference and Overthinking
There are just too many problems in this damned life. One moment you’re trying to solve one, then another problem pops up. And then another. And another. It’s like a virus taking hold of your whole being until you could only wonder, “Should I just break?”
What I think is that, sometimes, the only virus here is our mind. It’s not necessarily a virus that creates problems. Not really. The mind, if we let it control us instead of the other way around, could become a virus that would breed ‘illusions’ of problems.
I once heard an employee discussing her worries with her boss. “I just can’t take it sometimes.” She said. “I’m doing my best here, but some people just won’t mind their own business! They see me sitting once, and they tell everyone that I’m not doing my work!”
The employee was so exasperated, it seemed like she was going to burst into tears! But her boss remained calm and smiling. “Don’t mind them. I’m the one who would judge your work, not them. Those people, the ones who would rather criticize others rather than themselves, would never climb up the ladder. Never. Let me tell you that.” The employee was going to reply, I think, but the boss continued. “And anyone who lets himself be affected by those people would eventually drain their energy. I know it’s very difficult, but if you still can, don’t hate the people who make you feel that way. I’m not saying you should love them! No. Just—don’t mind them. Be indifferent. I tell you, even without you feeling bad or doing something terrible to them, nature will take its course, and those people would just fall.”
I knew it was rude to be eavesdropping, but I was finding the situation more and more interesting. I pondered about what the boss just said. It was a typical advice, something I would find in TV shows or books. And to be honest, I don’t usually take typical counsel seriously. Most of the time, people who say those kinds of things are only reciting from what they watched, or if anything, reciting the best-sounding answer they could come up with. But the boss seemed connected to what she was saying. And she did look like the kind of person who would ignore her critics—a lot of critics, in her case, since she’s the type who would always defend her points.
Quietly realizing my rudeness, I decided to walk away. I did, then again I heard the boss one last time. “But actually, I think you’re just overthinking.”
Oddly, that last sentence struck me the most. What if the employee was overthinking? If she was, then all those sob, all those words, all those bad vibes she was feeling! They’re all caused by nothing but her mind. What if the people she was talking about weren’t criticizing her at all? What if she misunderstood what she heard? It was crazy, thinking about it, especially when I gathered how worked up she was about the issue.
In the end, what the boss said were connected, I think. Never overthink. From what I gathered, the employee didn’t confront her critics at all. That’s the weakness there. If we don’t confront our problems, we would never find out the truth. We would continue to assume.
And if the critics really were criticizing her? There comes the indifference. It’s not so easy to feel bad of our critics if we know that we’re doing the right thing. In the employee’s case, if she knew she was doing her job, it wouldn’t really be so irritating that some people are criticizing her. The boss was right. She was going to be the one judging the employee’s work, not anyone else. Eventually, the truth that she was really doing her job would surface.
It was a simple lesson—a lesson most of us would ignore. And yet, I had the feeling that it was real—that it wasn’t just a ‘typical advice’. So despite myself, I’ve always carried those words in my heart. Maybe one day, I would be able to use it. One day.
2014 Expectations.
Sabi kanina ng Psychology of Learning and Developmental Psychology Professor ko (Hi Mam!) , ano daw yung mga expectations o mga bagay na gusto mong baguhin sa sarili mo ngayong 2014.
Nagtanong siya sa class kung sino ang gustong mag-Volunteer, kaso syempre nagkakahiyaan at siguro ay wala pang maisip na idea o gustong baguhin sa sarili kaya walang nagtataas ng kamay. Hanggang sa wala talagang nagtataas at tinawag niya nalang yung taong nasa unahan ng class list. At dahil nasa pangalawa sa dulo ang apelyido ko dahil late enrolled ako ay hindi ako natawag dahil nagbell na.
Pero syempre kung sila meron ay meron din ako:
First, sa family. Every year simula ng magka-isip ako at nagsimulang umalis ang parents ko ay ipinapanalangin ko sana 'Kumpleto' kami sa 'Noche Buena' at 'Media Noche'. Kasi lumaki kami ng kapatid ko na hindi kumpleto tuwing pasko at bagong taon. Yun yung isa sa mga expectations kong hindi ko binibitiwan. Ayokong bitiwan kasi hindi ako yung taong madaling sumuko sa isang bagay.
Second, sa kapatid. Alam kong kung ano ang ugali ng kapatid ko ngayon ay pwede pang magbago lalo na kapag pumasok siya sa buhay kolehiyo. Pero sana, yung pagbabagong mangyayari sa kanya pag dumating yung oras na yun ay para sa ikabubuti niya. Sana hindi siya mapahamak dahil sa ugaling magkakaroon siya. Sana maging mabuti siya pagdating niya sa kolehiyo.
Third, sa friends. Sana mas lalo pa nila akong pagtyagaan. Kahit na sobrang kulit, takat, ingay, at kung anu-ano pa ay sana hindi nila ako iwan hanggang sa huli. Sana sabay sabay naming maabot ang mga gusto namin. Sana maging maayos ang buhay namin lahat pagdating ng panahon. Sana mas tumibay pa ang pagsasamahan namin. Sana hindi lang hanggang college life ang samahan namin kundi hanggang sa magkaroon na kami ng mga sari-sariling buhay.
Fourth, sa mga taong walang ibang gustong mangyari kundi mapabagsak ako. HAHAHA Kahit anong tibag ang gawin niyo sa akin, hindi na epektibo yan. Tumanda akong matibay at mamamatay akong matibay kaya wag na kayong magaksaya ng pagod niyo, kayo lang ang mapapagod at kusang susuko ;)
And Lastly, sa sarili ko. Ano ba naman kasi Gracia, ang lakas mong kumain, sana bawas-bawasan mo yan dahil ikaw lang din ang nahihirapan. Hindi ka pa naman bibitayin kaya hinay hinay sa pagkain. Sana mas marami ka pang librong mabasa at sana maging successful din ang iba mong sinusulat. Sana maabot mo lahat ng pangarap mo. Tandaan mong ang pag-abot sa mga pangarap ay hindi pwedeng i-fastforward dahil ang mga bagay na ganun ay pinagsisikapan kaya magsikap ka. Hindi mo kailangan ng jowa dahil ayos ka na sa mga Fictional Characters. Sana rin ay hindi ka na malate sa mga 7am class mo dahil sobrang nakakahiya. HAHAHA
Siguro kung nagsalita ako ay ubos na ang oras sa dami ng gusto kong mangyari kaya tama lang na hindi na ako nagsalita kasi hindi din naman nila magegets ang sasabihin ko. :)
Bonus Lessons from The X-Files: Even the best jobs are not always as fun as it looks.
