Jul 28, 2025
There really is such a thing as picking at your emotional wounds, huh.
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There really is such a thing as picking at your emotional wounds, huh.
So I came to a personal realization...
I stopped writing fanfic around the same time that I was diagnosed with ADHD and began treatment, and it makes total sense.
Prior to my diagnosis, I had spent almost all of my time thinking of fanfic ideas, writing outlines, and turning out chapters. The problem was that I was doing that instead of paying attention in class and prioritizing it over important things. My brain was constantly just thinking of new ideas and stories. I started tons of stories, with only a fraction of them ever ending up completed. Looking back on my writing, it really showed. Lots of my stories read half baked because I was too busy running off on another ideas that the story-building and world-building that was going on in my head wasn’t getting put down on paper.
Now that I’ve been on my medication treatment for a few years, I’ve noticed that while I’m not writing much anymore or doing the same things I was doing creatively before, I do it in other mediums. I’ll admit I’m a lot happier now, because I’m not struggling nearly as much to get work done. Like I got through college without being utterly miserable and now I have a career that I truly enjoy where I can use my creative skills.
I don’t know how long its going to take me to realize SPN is really over...
But honestly its SPN’s fault...it shouldn’t have gotten me used to the idea that no matter what....they can always come back.
...and then it hit me...
I’m slowly becoming a dreamer of small to medium sized dreams. This is a direct contradiction to every fiber of my being for the last 30 years. I’ve always been a realist for every facet in my life. I’ve always taken the safe road to avoid any nefarious danger or unnecessary risk.
Now, I’ll need to abruptly change that strategy. I’ll need to dream of all the things I can, and need, to do. Then I’ll need to make most, if not all of them, a reality.
You might ask, ‘why dream now?’
Because everyone I’ve ever known to be a dreamer and take large risks, are currently eating a big reality shit sammich right now.
Learn to zig, when everyone else zags.
So I was rewatching one of my favorite movies of all time - The Prince of Egypt - when I had a personal realization.
See now, I have a list of films that I consider to be perfect. 10/10. As flawless as it gets. Rarely do movies get added or subtracted from said list. I think I’ve removed two in 10+ years, mainly because I think my emotions drove me to offer them such praise. Still think they’re good movies, just not 10/10. I also have plenty of films that I enjoy, but I could never give them perfect 10s for various reasons. Originally, Prince of Egypt was in the latter category.
But as I watched it for the dozenth time, I asked myself, “What exactly is holding this back from a 10?” And, after several minutes debate (with myself I remind you - quarantine is a helluva thing, huh?), I had no answer. Let’s briefly review:
The animation - absolutely flawless, with a unique visual style Disney could never dream of. Also no whitewashing; every principle character is a believable PoC, with distinctly non-white features.
The voice acting - amazing. Everyone fits their role so well, with compelling and emotional performances. I’m especially fond of Val Kilmer as Moses and Ralph Fiennes as Ramses, though I’ll forever be confused and disappointed that Val didn’t do his own singing for the film even though he has before, and he has (had) not too bad of a singing voice. Good thing the guy they got to sing for Moses sounds almost exactly like Kilmer, lol.
The music - Stunning. Beautiful. Not a single dud in the bunch. When You Believe may have won the Oscar, but any other track would have been equally deserving.
The story - A famous one to be sure, and with many artistic liberties taken, but they acknowledge that immediately, and despite that, they still managed to get the approval of a lot of important religious figures across many faiths (specifically of the Christian, Jewish, and Muslim variety, seeing as how the story is shared through all three of their holy texts)
And, most significant of all, how preachy is it? This is a big trap that A LOT of religious films tend to fall into - they focus on giving you a sermon as opposed to a story. Prince of Egypt avoids that pitfall with style and grace - not once did I feel like the movie was trying to convert me or even convince me that its ideas about religion were best. They just tried to tell a cool story.
With that final thought, I knew what I must do. So congrats, Prince of Egypt, on your (long overdue) entry into the 10/10 club. You join such illustrious titles as 12 Angry Men, To Kill a Mockingbird, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and The Good The Bad and The Ugly. Sorry it took so long for me to realize how truly perfect you were.
The lines in Conor’s face
tell the story he’s wrote. And his crow’s feet and smile indents become more defined as he grows older, which makes him more and more breathtaking.
I think I just need to accept that I’m just not the kind of person people want to be in a relationship with. Whether it be looks, personality, or just people’s general outlook or perspective of me, I just think I’ll be better off if I just accept the fact that people just aren’t interested in me at all.
Just a thing I noticed recently.
So when people say, "I have a type." It mostly comes as a horrible revelation of sorts. I started thinking about the people I've been with and have been attracted to lately and now have come to a startling realization about something that I can not ignore...
3 out of the 4 people that I had been with physically (yes, sex) and the 1 person I have a crush on currently are all non-binary.
THAT'S NEARLY ALL OF THEM.
That is a startling statistic in my brain that I can not really ignore. I have considered myself bi-romantic in the past, but I'm not 100% sure that counts anymore based on the shear probability of having the hots for that many non-binary people (regardless how each of them leans).
Just a strange realization I came about recently and I'm not sure how to feel about it precisely.