seen from India
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Awkward Adventures
Currently I don't have anyone in mind that I'd like to text or go out with so that's progress right. I'm neither stuck on you nor am I trying to distract myself from you. NOICE. Gonna spend some time with the VS > Poly guys on Sat then the BVD dudes on Mon so that's wicked. I miss bro time. It's such a release, lots of fun and always carefree. I still miss the whole VS atmosphere basically. Ah well.
Awkward Adventures #???
I think I'm the happiest I've been in awhile, at least, I don't think I'm as sad as I used to be. I believe my decision to care less about /those/ matters could be the reason behind it. I still check from time to time but I don't let myself get too affected anymore. Progress right? Yes. Yay. I love you.
Did you even mean that shit. Or was it just another lie to keep me close by. Yeah that's probably it right yep so done with you la.
HBD Dan
Yknow what fuck it why am I sugarcoating everything that party sucked. I couldn't spend time with people I wanted to, I had to try so hard to fit in to the scene and I smoked my lungs off for no fucking reason. I'm frankly sick of everything. And Dan wtf oh what just because I know you love me and shit I should be okay with just hanging around while you jump about no fuck it I won't continue being taken for granted. I'll stay out of contact of everyone related to sch for the rest of the hols. So fucking sick of it all. So fucking sick of feeling like shit. Done.
HBD Dan
Just got home from Dan's party. Girl looked great wah srs dayuuum. But then she got high/drunk zz. Take care Dan.
Was a shitty party though. At least for me ah. Not my scene I guess?Cringy part~ Wished I could've spent some proper time with Dan but I guess that's selfish eh. Girl was a busy host. But the time I envisioned to have been spending with burdenenielle ended up being replaced with cigg chaining so that sucked. Aw shit we didn't get a pic. Oh fucking well.Anyway it was good fun chilling with Sif before the thingy and crashing Faris' crib. Been awhile since we saw him. Hasn't changed one bit, that kid.
ah well, average day.
Wtf
Am I doing. I can't afford to feel that way again. I know that. I can't afford to trust my fantasies, my visions, my feelings. So what was I doing. It was nice being close. The movie didn't matter much with She in close proximity. But I can't afford to go through those months again. Still love She. Still foolish. Still pathetic. Wake up. "Bruh"
Tell you the truth, I’m tired of trying so hard to fit in with the clique. I still feel like a burden and that the only reason I’m there is because I just happened to have been with them when poly began. Wish I knew how to downgrade the ties. I wouldn’t mind leaving the ‘clique’ actually. I’m okay with being alone now I think.
"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams
Fate.
So I was in madrasah and ustaz was explaining one part of Islam that has always puzzled me, the knowledge that Allah already knows every choice we're going to make and the paths we will take. It was a daunting concept, that our futures are already decided and we can't do anything to change it. Like we're constricted to our fate. That atheist matrix guy once said that he didn't want to believe that we can't decide our own fate as what it seems when one's in a religion. But it's not really the case. We are given the opportunity to make the choices in our lives. We choose what we want to eat, where we want to study and who we hang out with. Allah knows what we're going to choose but He doesn't force anything on us. Our fate still rests in our hands. I find comfort in this enlightenment.
