#personal shtick

[here4dragons]

[gemlh]

Trying.

I am trying to be better with my mental health. I am trying to be better with my physical health. I am trying to build better relationships and conversations with my friends and family. I am trying.

But.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, trying isn't enough. Sometimes trying means half of the time (at least!), You fail. Sometimes it means you succeed - but do it wrong. Sometimes it means you unintentionally offend or hurt someone, and have no easy way of doing better so that it doesn't happen again. Sometimes it means you intentionally hurt someone, only to regret it (or not) the moment you do.

Sometimes it means, the people who matter the most, only ever see when you fail. Sometimes it means distancing yourself from them when you aren't doing so well.

Sometimes it means forcing yourself (myself) to do something I don't want because it's better, in the long run, if I do.

(Like eating, exercising, writing out my feelings, talking or not talking with people, etc...)

But mostly?

Mostly, it just means living another day. It means finding something (anything) to smile or laugh or cry about. Even if it is fleeting. Even if I really do need to work on staggering it with homework. Sometimes, trying is the best I can do.

I just, wish the people I love, could care about that, too.

[gemlh]

Personal Note?

Sometimes, we hate ourself. Wishy-Washy, useless, Depressed, fear-filled. Literally riddled like Swiss Cheese with Anxiety. We never seem to do anything right, and existing can (as some know?) be the hardest thing to do during any given day. We're not a hero of any kind. Not like Deku, or Odd Thomas, or Anita Blake, or even Harry Potter. Certainly not Spiderman. We're just... Nothing. Not No One, not Overlooked, Forgotten, or really even Ignored. We're just... Nothing. And we hate it. We hate "nothing"... And we never truly understand how we can, not be, nothing... And maybe, be a something, even a small something, instead. :) Thanks, if you read this. :)

[indication-of-greenness]

welp, I've got surgery tomorrow morning -____- time to die

[indication-of-greenness]

i just? love my girlfriend so much? the concept of physical distance is homophobic

[indication-of-greenness]

why am i here

i have a midterm in less than two hours

[indication-of-greenness]

mmm smell that tasty sads

smells like... laying in bed for 2 hours with the lights off but not sleeping

also weird appetite

[indication-of-greenness]

Callout Post

@planetary-plantpunk -Is rly gay -For me and in general -Saved creepshots of me napping taken by my brother and encouraged such behavior -Denim -Total lightweight -Way too cute??? It should be illegal to b that cute???? Gotdam -