#personal tw.

[lunaferrous]

/Probably won't be here much later. Headspace is really bad today.

[lunafaeris-archive]

/I’m low-key debating whether or not I should move blogs.

I know that’s mostly my depression talking, but at the same time this blog is backed up and cluttered and hard to navigate. And for as much as I cherish the good memories I’ve made here, there are some things other than that I want to separate myself from.

I’m tired of being taken for granted. I’m tired of feeling used.

I love my characters and the world I’ve built up for them and I don’t want to give that up. If I do set things aside here and make a new blog, it will be centered around Luna with the rest of my cast (Anton, Lucca, Elliot, etc..) being available on request. I would like to keep and transfer most of my bonds/ships over to new said blog, after contacting people and letting them know if they’d like to continue or not.

This is something I’ve been mulling over for a few days and it hasn’t gone away. Part of me knows it will just put more work on me and I don’t know whether or not I should because I’ve been feeling so low, and me even making the tiniest of mistakes sends me spiraling. I keep trying to remind myself that things will get better once I’m healed, but even that doesn’t help in the short term. I know this might feel like I’m coming out of left field for some of you, but I’m not used to talking about things like this, not without feeling ashamed and like I’m fishing for pity points and then delete anything I have to say less than a day later.

I appreciate the people who have reached out to me and if I’ve dropped the conversation suddenly... it’s on me. It’s my fault. I don’t know how to talk about these things without coming off selfish or angry or both, and I don’t want to push that on people.

I haven’t made a concrete decision yet as to whether or not to move and start fresh. I’d have to gather most of my writings, bios, headcanons, etc... and transfer them onto Google Docs, hopefully in a way that makes them more easily accessible after some tweaking. Make it dash only because I’m not bothering with theme graphics, they’ve never been my strong suit.

I’m still thinking about it. I might just start compiling all the important info I have on my characters and world lore as a fail safe if nothing else, and start from there.

[lunafaeris-archive]

/I have to be honest... I’m not doing okay. If you've noticed how sporadic my activity has gotten, that’s why.

For the last few years, the holidays around Christmas time have just been... rough for me. And this year especially, my depression surrounding it has just gone downhill. I know, I know it’s mostly just my mind playing tricks on me, blowing things out of proportion... but sometimes, it’s not. Making me feel useless. Worthless. Like everything I have to say is just getting stomped on or trampled, like I’m talking into a void. Which makes me even more hesitant to talk about it out loud, because deep down I feel like no one is listening.

I’ve lost family around this time of year, I lost my dog only a few months ago and still find myself crying over it. My birthday is tomorrow, and I’m actually dreading it. I’m just... I’m not okay right now. My mind is here and yet it isn’t here, I don’t know how else to explain it. Anything I do, I feel like I’m doing something wrong and half the time I don’t know what, and it makes me lash out at people if I’m not careful.

Until Christmas is over, I’m going to be quieter and my presence on the dash will be less. Still lurking from time to time, unless it just becomes too much for me. I may even wipe my drafts clean just for a fresh start... so if we have a thread going on that you would like to keep, let me know. Otherwise, I just don’t think I have it in me right now.

I also don’t think I’ll have those Christmas drawings ready in time. I’m sorry... if nothing else, I just want to put my focus in drawing what I want, instead of what is expected of me from other people. It’s a way for me to visualize something rattling around inside my head or simply relieve stress... and right now, I need that more than ever. I know it probably sounds selfish, and I’m sorry. I still hope you guys have a wonderful holiday outside of this.

If... If anyone does need me, I’ll be on Discord. Replies will be slow but... I’ll be around. Just not as much here.

Thank you for understanding.

[lunafaeris-archive]

          /Real, possibly stupid question: does anyone with more than half a brain cell take NFTs seriously?

[lunafaeris-archive]

.

[lunafaeris-archive]

          /I’m glad that I was able to take a mental health day. With everything happening between work and home this last week, I felt like I was going to snap like a rubber band from the pressure and it was putting my mind in a really dark, disgusting place. My anxiety/depression hasn’t been this bad in a very, very long time, so taking the time to mentally and physically recuperate really helped and put me in better spirits. And I was able to get a lot of online Christmas shopping done and out of the way today, so bonus!

          I didn’t get any drafts or ic writing done, but that just means I’ll be able to come back over the weekend and get stuff done at 100%! So long as the last two work days this week aren’t a total clusterfuck (I just prepare myself for the worst at this time of year since it’s our company’s busy season asgkjgkjh). Anyways, I may drop some longer drafts that are months old at this point and have done nothing but collect dust just so I can start somewhat fresh and maybe even post a starter call sometime this weekend! We’ll see! Have a lovely night, as always!

[lunaferrous]

I'm going to keep this short, as this is not a political blog by any means. But given the current situation here in America, I feel this is one of the only safe spaces I have to express my feelings on the matter:

To put it bluntly, I'm scared. I'm not even remotely close to where the worst of this is happening, I'm in a small town in a red state. By those qualifiers, I should be considered 'safe'.

But with the radical actions of our current president, I honestly don't believe that alone would be enough to save us if he decides to push his agenda even further. The only reason Minneapolis is a target is because it's a 'sanctuary city' in a blue state. ICE isn't going down to Texas or Florida, to states sitting right along the border where the quote 'problem' is arguably worse.

It's just a nightmare on all fronts. And it's on our soil. Innocent people are being terrorized and killed by federal government agents. And even when there are several angles of video footage showing what happened in explicit detail, the powers that be still try to spin it and make themselves out to be the hero. It's disgusting. It's terrifying.

And the worst part is, there are enough people who are buying it at face value. Without actually looking at the physical evidence. Because they consider themselves on the 'right' side, i.e. republican.

The rift is growing wider and wider, and that's what our president wants. I firmly believe that, and I know with where I am, geographically and politically speaking, I can't voice my opinion openly without being ignored or shut down in seconds.

My heart is with the people of Minneapolis. I can only hope that things don't escalate further, and that protesters and their families stay safe throughout the winter. Even when our rights and our Constitution are being trampled on by a bigot billionaire who wants to become king for life.

[lunaferrous]

/Sorry I've been radio silent the last few days. I know that I don't owe anyone an apology or an explanation, but here it is anyway.

Just a weird, off-putting depression spell that's hanging over me like a cloud at the moment. Really kills my motivation to do much, but I'm pushing through it because that's the best way to beat it. Even when it gives me a stress headache and makes me want to sleep away the afternoon.

Anyways! Still hanging in there, not as bad as it could be admittedly. One draft a day isn't too bad. Just taking things slow. The 'chronic' in chronic depression is not fun.