#personalmemories

[miss-paulakay]

#christmas #tablesettings #personalmemories #kodakmoments #eclectic #shabbychic #makingmemories • so much love always • #bittersweet #sayinggoodbye #iloveyou @jillbarringtonroberts • sound⬆️ (at Sea Point, Western Cape, South Africa) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6gR-YqpZ-3/?igshid=rpcl61z1bqei

[travellingwithmyself]

Of Trails and Tales

I cannot remember the very first trail I followed. But, I do recollect the first trail journey of the very first time I travelled alone. For those of us who love to travel with themselves, the reminiscences from solo journeys’ are evermore heightened and clear to the erstwhile memories which become fairly muted.

Trails. I find them fascinating and I’m certain so do many before me have and after me shall. They have the ability to make you feel on an adventure – an a off-road-like adventure you visualise as the walk begins, where you conjure up scenarios, collect smells, sights, feel a sense of place and make memories of your own - even when a muddied and broken path is laid out in front of you. There is a visceral joy and intrigue to follow a trail.

There are a few books on trails one can find - Robert Macfarlane’s Lost Ways being one of them. It explores forgotten trails and in a way a lost way of seeing and experiencing beauty and, life. It was when I journeyed through various parts of Kargil and Ladakh having the sculptural mountains by my side each day, I began to imagine how immensely satisfying and breath-taking the trails people created and followed for Silk Route must be. The beauty they would see, the silence and stillness they experience as they made their way through the intimidating yet gentle peaks. Surreal, no?

And, then there are other trails I find deeply healing and moving: the ones which the novellas gives us. It can be traces of Marquez’s Macondo, Chile through Neruda’s words, Ruskin’s laid-back stories and more.

The time I savoured Museum of Innocence* (in written word) I was (and still am) enormously captivated by the vivacity of the museums - celebrated and unknown, Kemal, the protagonist, visits (5723, worldwide) while subconsciously gathering inspiration for his own: his life, family, city of Istanbul where he was born and raised and, largely as an ode and memory to the woman he loved and learned for years’, Füsun. It is a trail I want to follow one day. Go to as many of those museums I can. See, feel and hear the immensely personal stories they tell and delights of everydayness they offer; the latter which many of us have forgotten with the recent narrative of Seize the day or Make each day count, as though ordinariness is a disease.

The life and journey of Bakharwals’ is another trail I want to fill my lungs with. The fictional voyage of Lalla Rookh, civilisations alongside the Nile and closer home, wild & the life which accompanies Brahmaputra, and a much daydreamed of motorcycle expedition of languages, cuisine and sub-cuisine, art and ancient kingdoms through the Hindi-heartland.

It doesn’t matter if the trails I venture onto have been explored by many a people, have been photographed or, written about in detail; I, nonetheless, want to follow them and make them my own: with personal memories, the patch of flat land from where I lost my way, the stones which I recognise, the tress who were my markers and much more.

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*Museum of Innocence is a real museum in Istanbul. In a manner of speaking, it is an ode to book by the it’s author Orhan Pamuk, the characters which make the novel and, for many “it is a stunning blur of fiction and reality”.

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P.S - I feel that this blog entry, in bits and parts, reads quite similar and sounds familiar to the one written previously – Foreknowledge and Travel. Familiarity and similarity is not a detail I am embarrassed of or shy to admit. I believe that if a certain way of thinking visits again, it is time to rejoice; because those thoughts are growing-up with you - year on year, piece by piece.

[haytin69]

First of May 2000 & 16

It’s 12 22 AM.We are watching Lucifer the TV series.And why did we decide to write this post..... well loneliness. We have dealt with loneliness before , this is not new. Don’t know what happened but i just felt soo relieved after that previous sentence. Maybe it is true of what they say about writing, It helps get over “things”.Lets think of our supposedly bright future, What have we got.A happy family, A semi clear path, I don’t know?? I’m not clear of what i’m gonna do. What is that i want my future to be like.Blank, I am blank.We are more of ‘live in the moment’ person, I guess.Hope has fueled us so far and will fuel at least for the next few years.Our future certainly looks rich and desirable from a middle class wanna be rich and secure point of view but i really don’t know what is that i really want. Is this what i want in life, I don’t know.Supposedly i’m also getting married before 25, according to mom.How confused am I? Anyways nothing matters as long as we are happy.Life is weird in its own way, It is ambiguous that we certainly know.Got exams from 4th.But maybe we are thinking of Meena a little more than required. We really had a connect i accept that. We didn’t have the courage to say that nor did we have the clear mind path.We’ll get over her it’s a matter of time.I feel relieved, maybe a little.It is a good thing i’m writing this blog. These are moments you’ll never remember but i can re live them now. It’s certainly confusing. Let’s sleep it off. Hope tomorrow is less lonely and as usual hope we study for the freaking exams.Peace 

[haytin69]

27th April

Its been generations since did a post.What happened? A lots of trivial shit.My mind is pestering about Nidhi. Let’s put a dot to that thought, we told her what other people think of her and she got mad and started talking big words like attitude and shit.I said fuck this shit and unfriend her. Simple and clean.Coming back, this blog was a punching bag for us during our first proper crush Meena days.She has set a benchmark now on how a girl should be. She has her own downsides which we don’t consider.I fear i’ll one day regret that i never had to say to Meena that i liked her.Hope we meet someday, And i’m pretty sure i’ll say that to her.All the fake conversations we have are golden, I wish my brain had a hard disk that saves all these conversations.Collage is almost over, Exams should be cake walk for us.Looking forward to our new phase of life.New people, New friends,New place and for the first time we’re going to live on our own,spending our own money,making our own decisions. OMG the thought itself excites me.We deactivated our facebook account and i hope it stays that way for ever. Camon we were using it more that we should. The one sad thing is we don’t have any contacts with a lot of our friends(by this sentence what i’m trying to say is that i lost Meena’s contact as we have also deleted her phone number).I just had the thought of what she’d feel when she reads this blog by mistake.I expect her to laugh.This blog is the existing proof of how childish our thoughts and feelings are.I’m surprised how quick we decided to deactivate our FB account.The whole thing took us just like 2 minutes, a flash thought and we instantly decided and immediately deactivated our account.No last status, Im leaving FB status.One thing we need to accept is lately FB has been causing a lot of mood changes in us,we’re spending quite some time in FB. Suddenly you’re happy, you use FB and you’re sad the next moment.Not good at all.You expect everyone(This means Meena(most of the times)) to comment, like and do shit.But they don’t. That makes us sad.Our social skills are zero and if i continue using FB avoiding real contact it’ll only get worse.Everything that happens in our life is for our own good.Its high time we did our post on Meena. We’re certain that she’s not interested in us so chill and do the post.She was rare in one aspect.We never wanked keeping her in our mind for a long time(more that 4 months).Our average wank off period for a girl is 2 days or max a week.What does that mean....maybe respect,maybe we way too amazed to find someone soo similar to us.I don’t know...Fucking laptop lost internet i have to copy this shit to word and ten again post it after restarting my system.Oru flow va poitirundhadhu ....en da ipdi panringa.  

[haytin69]

8th April

Its been a long time since we did a post. Maybe we were busy with life. We had our project. Our project, What do I say about it. Worthless would be the word. We had fun doing it. Dealing with dead lines, the risk of them finding our plagiarism, we just finished our project by copying, remixing, and making Ani do the work for us. Engineering is indeed shit, And our collage is supposed to be in the top 50 collages in the country. Everything in life happens for a reason. ‘Steal it like an artist’ was a good book that we’re applying for quite sometime in almost everything. There is always you wanna talk about. This post would be about our failed adventure of finding love, though its not the appropriate word to be used. Today we have decided that this is not the way to proceed and we got better things that can be done. Why do we think it wouldn’t work? This is confusing to write. It’s making us think a lot, Are we not good enough, I don’t think so, Its just we didn’t find the proper girl that’s all. For the past few weeks everyone was a prospect and suddenly today we are out of the game. Yes this was a very different energy filled experience that I accept. It was filled with so much energy, anticipation, skill, hard work, dedication and what not. For us till now in life has come in our way. We have never chased for something in our life or changed path for a certain thing. And we will not do for love too. So we have decided in destiny. Believing in destiny is more brightening and also exciting that’s what happened for us with Meena. Destiny is what defines us, don’t you think. Yes and this blog is turning out to be a brilliant thing that we are doing. OMG it is making me to explore our deeper depths of mind. We might have just decided our tag line for life. Of course inspired from Meena. There are certain failures that are sweet that we don’t wanna forget, she would be one. She has paved way that led to understanding the real me. At least, a part of me. If someone else read this post, I’m pretty sure they’ll think that I’m mad. So we have decided not to go after every possible love prospect and leave it to destiny. We should accept one thing we saw every girl as a prospect. Every fucking girl. Its true you hear what you wanna hear, you see what you wanna see. That was a random bullshit our mind is manufacturing right now. It’s trolling us. Fuck. Collage is ending. And we are going to play our farewell dota tournament. I know we’ll lose but let’s try making the experience a fun and something at least our dota buddies Sarvesh Puppy will remember when they think of dota or me. Too much to ask. Shit we always start missing when a part of life ends. Happened in school, now in collage. I rate the collage above my school, Hands down. Randomest post today, but accept, it is what our thought process is and has been. Have fun bro Harsha, you don’t love to be happy, actually we don’t need anything. Scene…. I’m ending.

[haytin69]

March the 29th

Where do we start.Kuruksastra got over. Just like every other year we enjoyed the music but did not dance. We even learnt dance moves but we are not a dancing person. Our socializing was just such a failure. It was real bad. We met Nidhi on the second day of KS (25th). And let us thank her for making time for us, making us meet her .We realized socializing was not our thing and it’s not really fun. 28th we sent her our previous blog posts regarding her. We really did a mistake today by not talking to her when she went past us. It’s OK, we don’t care. We have learnt lots of things about our self in this past 3 months. Huge thanks to Meena. We have realized how awesome we are. What makes us happy. Now our four years of engineering is getting over. That fear of forgetting our friends has come. We make all these awesome friends and just forget them. I hope it’s not the case this time. This week we are planning for a small tour and that’ll be fun. Hope we go. Let’s talk about our sharp mood changes. Why does this happen to us. One moment you’re happy the next moment you’re sad. I’m sad or don’t know how should I call this mood, that I experience. You’re just not happy. Well it’s not loneliness or sadness. Probably it should be the recharging time. Our discomfort of talking to people is slowly fading. Now we should do some meaningful posts. The frequency of uploading posts has been slowing down. It’s OK we can’t simply write every day. MS Word is such awesome software. This is best way to learn English writing. This thing just identifies all your mistakes. It’s just awesome. We watched Deadpool such an awesome movie. It had so many things that we wanted to see in a movie, which made it way too awesome. Our craving for a girlfriend has finally ended with a huge learning and understanding. It’s real what they say about solutions to our problems. We should search for solutions inwards. Understanding yourself is the only solution for all our problems. A lot of philosophy coming out of our brain. We should try drawing some of our ideas or thinking. Let’s try it. Enough for today. When do I think I’m gonna read this post again?.....

[haytin69]

March the 24th

Well i think it’s time we did our post on Meena or it might become late.How was yesterday? We had one of the most embarrassing moment in our messaging career(wtf career).Firstly i was boring.Why was even boring? It could be because i was not really interested but still wanted to be a gentleman and continued the conversation till its end. Noob Shit from my part.One thing is right, everyone has unique messaging ethics, we have our own.Lets see our ways of messaging.Just realized i think like i am taking a class, Funny .....if we think, Why? No idea.First we don’t message more than one girl at a time or concentrate on only one girl.We always want the conversations to have proper endings or we’ll just keep thinking about them till the next conversation.Proper endings are very important.We take time and research on the person we’re messaging.Why did i tell this?,Well Shrinidhi’s ethic was not to end a conversation even if it was booring. Anyways she said lets talk about something in the class and i sent her what i was thinking that im not really confident around girls.I said hi to her in the class but did not talk to her.We just couldn’t muster the courage to talk to her in the class but it was fine.We are who we are,Fighting our demons ,for that small happiness we get in the process.We’re meeting her this saturday.Let’s see what happens.KS host show was just like everyother year. Oru moolayile ninnu we enjoyed our music.Short post exiting days ahead.

[haytin69]

My 22nd Birthday on 22nd of March

How did it start, We were in Sengi’s room chilling,12 08 sengi realizes its my birthday, My two closest friends wish me ,that would be vishvak and sengi.Don’t know what i was thinking ,as i was about to go out of the room and sleep suddenly i tell them to ask me any question they wanted and i’d answer.I dont really answer any question straight i often avoid tackling the problem by avoiding it or going around it.Sengi wanted to know what i thought of him.It was Vishvak’s question that made my day(birth).He asked me about why i liked Meena and why do i think i am friend zoned. That was good we were able to atleast share a little part of our trouble.I am pretty sure he was able to understand.We should probably do our post on meena and move on with our life.The only thing we wanted to have this birthday was her to remember our birthday and she did not.That was not sad but such a let down.The reason why it was not sad is coz i knew this was gonna happen.She is 99.99 % out of my life.This makes her another crush.Makes me sad.Cool, happens.Teja gifted me the cup.It was pretty good,It was a pleasant surprise.Tomorrow is going another important day.Let’s see what happens.If shrinidhi is going to talk to us.Or is it just going to be just any other day.We have started to get a clear image on how to proceed with our project.And don’t know is it cause meena didn’t remember our birthday or is it something else.But were finding shrinidhi as a serious prospect.Now we wanted someone who was ambitious but considering how all these ambitious people act i’ve started to think its better to go with someone who loves to travel and doesn’t want to give up her dreams for me.We have time to think about it.This is not the time for this.We had a peaceful and satisfying birthday.We have learnt a lot in our 22nd year and it was the most successful year of our life till now.Let’s hope our 23 rd year be filled with happiness and success.