Entry #78
Hi there. It’s me. A lot has happened. I stumbled onto my old blog when I was looking for something else, so I thought I should post an update.
There are a lot of things I wish I could tell my 18-19 year old self. She was very depressed, had trouble controlling her emotions, and didn't understand why relationships were so hard. She thought she was ugly, dumb, and annoying. This blog was a way for her to deal with her emotions in a way that didn't burden others, and she hoped that at least someone else could relate to her feelings, so that the emotions weren’t wasted.
At 20, I found out I was allergic to gluten. The gluten was affecting my hormones, which was causing the constant emotional imbalance I was experiencing, and it was making me bloated, which was contributing to my low self-esteem. Within a week of not eating gluten, I started crying a lot less. Within two weeks, I had lost four inches off my waist without losing a pound, due to it all being bloat. I became happier, confident, and more well-adjusted as a result. I have no desire to ever eat gluten again. My mental health has majorly improved.
At 21, I started dating the love of my life. I had already met him when I wrote the last post for this blog, but I didn't realize how much he’d mean to me yet. He’s made me realize that I was never the reason for the failures of my love life. My expectations for a partner weren't too high; those guys just weren’t good partners. My man is amazing, and I’m constantly overwhelmed by his kindness, patience, and loyalty. He aways puts me first and goes above and beyond to be the best boyfriend, even though we live so far apart. We’re currently talking about getting engaged soon and hopefully married late next year. I couldn't care less about the boys I used to post about on this blog.
At 22, I started my master’s degree and moved to New York in order to do so. Through the program I’m in, I’ve met so many wonderful people and have had so many incredible opportunities. I’m so thankful and proud of my achievements, and I can’t wait to graduate and start my professional journey.
My 23 year old self is much happier. But don’t get me wrong; it’s not all been roses. I still struggle to control my emotions sometimes, there are days when I don't feel good about my body, I sometimes worry (irrationally) that my boyfriend will leave me, and I get scared that I won't be able to find a job after I graduate. There have been a lot of dark days, and there will continue to be, but my mental health is at a much better place than it was when this blog was written.
If somehow you found this little blog, and you find the words of my past self relatable or familiar, I want you to know that things can get better. I can’t promise you that they will, but if you work on your physical and mental health, keep an open mind, and be willing to make good changes even when they’re scary, there is a very good chance that your life will improve. Know that you are loved and you have yet to meet so many of the people who will love you.