went through old journals dated 2014 with Clark’s father (he knew me best then) and it occurred to me that I’ve changed. no dramatic moment, specific event or big thing happened since — just life, yknow.
but somehow between then and now I became. I went from being an idealistic romantic with blind faith in ‘meant to be’ and genuine belief in ‘love conquers all’ to this painfully real, experienced human that has had to swallow so many truths — choked down hard times; recovered from badly broken hearts. these experiences have diluted all that I’ve been, all that I was.
once upon a time I was a dreamer, a writer with a warm beating heart with a strong desire to become a working journalist. my happily ever after to that story came and went — now I’m a full-time editor who listens extra carefully in the dead of night in hopes of hearing my heartbeat (just making sure it’s still there).
today I find myself at a crossroad — is this who I want to be? maybe somewhere deep inside of me the wide-eyed hopeless romantic with rose tinted glasses still lives — maybe she can make peace with who I’ve become. maybe she can talk me down; bring me back. say that one thing that makes me see things differently — edit my perspective.
I’m craving a shift. I need it.