#persy stance

[apparentlyaperson]

I deeply believe in the radqueer beliefs. I deeply want to continue in this community to help improve it and make it better. but it's becoming increasingly clear that my heart is not aligned with the core of the community

and honestly that's okay. it doesn't need to be. but that does mean I can't stop searching for the community that is where my heart belongs. I can't just exist here and here alone, hiding away in case I run into antis

and I think that's what radeviance can lead me to

"Radeviance is a new political and philosophical concept. It is an attempt to explore the meaning and the potential of deviance – deviant identities (orientations, including gender-based and paraphiliac ones, genders, neurodivergences, and more) and deviant presentation, which is very likely but not inherently a means of expressing an identity."

The approximate purposes:

To let deviant individuals explore their identities both separately and in an interconnected manner. Nobody should be forced to choose whether they participate in a community for one part of their life or for another, nobody should be harassed for finding parallels or causation between their identities, e.g. drawing some links between being otherkin and being transgender.

To de-purify those deviant identities that were given a "protected status" by exclusionist communities and are considered above being compared or mixed with something else.

To disconnect being disordered, perceiving one’s experience as hurtful, from the concepts of treatment and elimination. Those with identities caused by illnesses and trauma are equally allowed to celebrate and be proud.

Similar to the above, to lift the stigma around identities, understood through sex or pornography.

To stop the process of fragmenting and exclusionism, to prevent groups that may gain more social acceptance in the future from aligning with the majority and using their increased visibility for hurting the less lucky ones.

I need to bring all of the disconnected pieces of me together. not have them all split out on different blogs and communities (unless for basic safety like nsfw sideblogs, or convenience like archival or moodboarding)

the fragmenting and exclusionism is killing us all. and I just can't stand by it

[apparentlyaperson]

because I personally don't appreciate the lack of nuance contact stances allow, I will be using this post to clarify my personal lines in the sand (and to help others help find where exactly their lines are too) instead of just saying "non-harmful contact" because that's become a nothing burger of a phrase that means something totally different to everyone

youth edition

mostly it comes down to respecting potential power dynamics so I don't use it against someone, and being careful not to lead anyone on in a way that gives them hope for something I can't personally fulfill

when it comes to youth:

though this entire section is just how I treat everyone

I am careful to always be aware of potential power dynamics, and if I ask a question that could be uncomfortable I offer a way out. I do not ever apply pressure or utilize coercion

I do not pester for attention regardless of how I might desire a conversation

I mostly just vibe and talk to them like anyone else unless we get around something mentioned below

I will absolutely decimate them in video games (oh what you thought I'd go easy cause I've got more experience? nah, get good son!)

relationship dynamics

this is generally how I interact with anyone who couldn't keep up with me in a partnership. even if they're my same chronoAge. ngl its incredibly rare that someone is actually able to be a quality match for me

I tend to take on a more one sided mentor role, I don't heavily vent or put anyone into a position of needing to comfort me. but I will share and be honest about the more mundane things occuring in my life. and remain open to any questions

I don't enter into any (queer)platonic or romantic partnerships. friendships are always welcome though, and I'll consider a professional partnership

if there is ever a point where there are mutual feelings shared (I would never admit it first tho), I would likely still have to wait until they had quite a few years of legal adulthood under their belt before exploring any partnerships + have a very in depth conversation in the meantime about what behaviour is and isn't okay between us, so that we can be careful not to feed into the crush in a way that inhibits their ability to continue exploring other relationships in their life

platonic/familial and non-exclusive mentorship/caregiver/personal coach/etc roles considered in very rare circumstances

I am generally open to light flirting

sexual content

this one is hard for me because I'm not fully sure where the line is between sexual content and contact? this section is why I dunno if I count as non-contact or complex or pro

I don't initiate discussions around sexuality, nor do I shy away from them if they're brought up

I will gently shut down conversation that imagines us as a couple/engaging in any fetishes together (this is really the only bullet point in this section that is specific to chronoyouth interactions)

I do not engage in sexual roleplay

I am always open to hear stories of sexual experiences they have had and might have questions around, and in response I may share in general/non-explicit terms any experience I've had or seen (to help give examples of safe ways to navigate or to normalize and share in something I know society can be weird about)

I freely offer sexual coded or "18+" resources to allow for exploration if they come up in convo. this includes games, fiction, educational sites, ethical porn sites, etc

I decline to recieve any imagery taken of a chronoMinor that includes nude genitals

I do not seek out or interact with CSEM (though I have in the past, I discovered it as a young chronoMinor myself and it took me time to learn the harm of it. thanks limewire 😭)

safety & (bodily) autonomy

again, this entire section is just how I treat everyone

I've let someone crash at my house for a bit if they didn't have anywhere else to go. but if they're in my house I'm actively helping them find a program meant for helping get independently on their feet, I can't take anyone in long term (as much as I long to be that kind of rescue caregiver, I simply don't have the resources for it yet. one day I will be able to take in both youth and adults who are in need)

I will get anyone a bus ticket to a friend or homeless shelter if they're running away. I will verify it is a safety issue that doesn't have an easier fix first, or at least provide education to help explore the risks of staying vs leaving before handing over a payment card

I will purchase binders, (less risky) substances, sex toys, tattoo supplies, harm reduction kits, mobility tools, etc. if they don't otherwise have safe access. I fully support bodily autonomy and the right to risk. of course with education and mentorship along the way as needed

I will provide small jobs or tasks in exchange for money, if they need a regular source of some funds to help increase autonomy in their life

that's all I can think of for now. this will probably be a living document that continues to evolve as I find better language and nuance, and notice ways that I treat youth that may differ from the norm

[apparentlyaperson]

I fully believe in people 'lying' about their IDs in the sense that they don't tell people their transIDs and just claim them as cis IDs. if it's who you are then it's who you are

the only time your chrono age is relevant is when you want to get into a sexual relationship and you are a chronoMinor when the other person is not

not because the person needs to understand some sort of "true Identity" you still deserve to be seen as your transAge always and forever

however people deserve to know that being with you is a legal risk. they deserve to consent to the possibility of their entire life being permanently destroyed if the wrong person catches wind of what's happening. yes permanently destroyed. this is not hyperbole it's reality

I know it sucks. I know I am asking you to expose yourself to potential ageism. I know you are the age you tell me you are. but the law does not. and it's incredibly selfish to hide that from someone in risky situations, even if it's just an unfair situation all around

if you don't ever want to reveal your chronoAge, then just don't allow any kind of sexual contact with them. problem solved

[apparentlyaperson]

currently in hermit mode

I have a bunch of active side blogs, so I'm making this as a more brief entry point for anyone checking out who I am from notifs & doesn't need to see my entire blog intro (it's like 30 paragraphs lol)

this main blog is sfw, but some young or traumatized minds can find it too heavy or triggering from politically charged posts, vents about mental health and other controversial content. I try and tag heavier things to give folks more agency over their feed but I'd still exercise caution if you're only here from a sideblog

blogs:

@persyplayhouse - sfw regressor blog (nsft dni)

@cocoabuttergamma - omegaverse/misceverse lifestyle + therian blog

@craftbin - profile graphics hoard

@ruttingromper - deeply nsft kink, fetish & paraphilia blog (mature audience only)

apparentlyaperson (blog info post/about me)

where I stand: (heavier topics mentioned below)

• This blog is a safe space for all my fellow weirdos and freaks out there. anyone that society loves to hate or shame. addicts, conflicting identities, xenogenders, factitious or malingering disorders, medically unrecognised disorders, mogai, loim, qai, furries, xenogenders, transIDs, "scary" personality or mental disorders, (dark) k1nksters, (dark) proship/profic, paraphiles, radqueers, radfreaks, radeviance, xenosatanist, yanderes, fleur, etc etc etc. come one and come all, no matter what you call yourself. I choose to trust every single one of you that your personal identity is in good faith and exactly what you need.

• Not a space for those who are knowingly causing non-con harm w/ no intention of change. this includes those who ignore RACK or the concept of risk aware informed consent. this includes those in a position of power who knows the other person has different intentions for the relationship than you do & the other person doesn't understand they're different. this includes lashing out at people for not being who/what you need them to be. this does not include those in active recovery - DM if you need help growing/evolving

feel free to click any of the tags at the bottom of this post to learn more about me or check the vibe of the core facets of this blog

[apparentlyaperson]

DNIs and Consent

if you truly prioritize consent above all else

then ask yourself how you feel about a blog with a dni

and does the way you interact with them represent that?

someone has given you a list of exactly what they are and are not comfortable with. do you prioritize your pain of being excluded? or do you quietly (block and) move on? just remake the post and get the same result with a little more effort?

I know people normalize dni sniding in this community. there is very much an energy of a dni not being a very serious thing because tumblr is the place where you can easily curate your experience with tags and (soft) blocking. they say that it's not a real boundary

well yeah. it is true that a dni is not a list of boundaries, it's a list of expectations. a boundary is only something you enforce yourself

and yet

here you have a wonderful way to practice consent. you have a wonderful way to show people that this thing you say is important does show up in every single thing you do, that you will never slip up because it's not just a stance or opinion, it's a real value that guides your every step

at least it is one of mine. it's honestly the /only/ thing I care about. in my opinion, if there is to be any evil that exists in this world. the only one is to violate someone's consent

ageism, sexism, racism, homophobia, whorephobia, antisemitism, fucking ALL forms of bigotry are rooted in violating someone's consent by enforcing your world view over their reality instead of honoring the way they view themselves and treating them as that and only that. all forms of

respect a dni, it's such a little thing. it is okay if sometimes you are too tired, too stressed, too whatever to go through the effort of checking before you reblog. check when and where you can. the practice of consent is a skill like any other, and reinforcing the pathways in your brain that "this matters to me even when it gets uncomfortable" then you build your ability to navigate consent even in situations where others might not consider themselves able to

and a nice bonus is, because you take the time to get to know people's boundaries and respect them, you feel like you really know them and are in community with them. it feels so so good in the best parasocial way, every note that comes in from someone I recognize and can recall important things about feels awesome

[apparentlyaperson]

i meant no harm, i just lost a friend to them. and as soon as they weren’t of use anymore, they threw my friend out and started calling it an abuser. again, i meant no harm.

goodness that sounds incredibly painful. I'm really sorry you lost a friend to such a hurtful circumstance. it really is fucked up when someone you know has a good heart is being publicly called an abuser. it's part of why I am so so very careful to not let those labels spread unless I am very sure I understand what's going on

I think general callout posts ought to be reserved for people actively and repeatedly causing harm. like when someone is sending gore and it's a community-wide issue to stop them immediately or dozens will be harmed

because really, any real predator worth warning about will change blogs the moment they are caught and assume a new identity. those are the ones we can only combat by keeping close friends we can trust, that way when they point out a red flag in a partner we know it's a big deal.

often, people are just fucked up and broken and don't understand how to be in a healthy relationship. you are aren't you? and so am I. we are taught to be so ashamed of of our "bad" traits, we try and supress them until they leak out and hurt others. that's super fucking sad. and also that's actually really, really normal. it takes time to grow and accept and understand who we are, and as we do we gain more control of ourselves

and you know what? it's totally okay to privately warn your friends in these situations. people deserve to consent to the kinds of interactions they might have, and knowing the behaviour someone is prone to helps people know if it's safe to be around someone that much

however because we are so prone to mob mentality, large public warnings can take on a different life and become a punishment. and I don't believe in punishment, I believe in accountability and growth and making up for the pain you caused in a way that actually helps heal some pain. I think pain should only be wielded as a last resort, after all other options have been seriously considered

still. I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe is right. even if on anon. that's really important. protecting people is a handy instinct to have