#pet rules

[littlepawz]

/sigh/...same with cats...

[justablondie-iasonmink-blog]

(P)etiquette

Since some of my fellow elites have been accusing me of not holding my pet to proper standards recently, I have decided to lay out some rules of (p)etiquette. These are rules that my pet, Riki, has been trained to follow. I'll call them the 10 commandments of pet-hood. Take notes:

1. When speaking to an elite or Blondie, a pet will never curse, insult, address them informally, or speak out of turn.

2. Pets will bow their heads in the presence of their Masters and other elites, eye contact must remain minimal.

3. The pet will always defer to sitting on the floor unless ordered to sit somewhere else.

4. A pet will be trained in the art of pleasing their Master, in all ways conceivable.

5. A pet has no privacy, no pride or shame.

6. A pet always follows orders and requests and anticipates what their Master will ask of them. Exceptions occur if another elite than the Master has asked an extremely unusual, improper, or cruel favor. In this case, the pet may refuse but must always inquire their Master for further instruction.

7. A pet is kind, charming and should be pleasing to look at. They will wear what their Master requests and make beauty a priority.

8. At some point, a pet shall learn a talent to display for their Master's entertainment. Talents include but are not limited to: dancing, singing, foreign language, playing an instrument, etc.

9. A pet shall be cared for by the furniture and will treat the furniture with respect. The pet may order furniture to perform any number/variety of tasks for their convenience but will never harass, antagonize or harm furniture.

10. A pet's ultimate desire should be towards their Master. Their role is to make the Master's life more pleasurable and enjoyable.

I hope this clears up any confusion, Gideon.

[runningallthetime]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: They live here. You don't. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: Eat less Don't ask for money all the time Are easier to train Normally come when called Never ask to drive the car Don't hang out with drug-using friends Don't smoke or drink Don't have to buy the latest fashions Don't want to wear your clothes Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college. And finally... If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

[ca-hoots]

So apparently you can only bring a pet that can for in a 5 Gallon tank to college....... My cat can fit in a 5 gallon tank.