I’m sorry but the similes you use in your writing are…very misplaced. They never fit the tone you have for that part of the story, you also use one every other paragraph. And half the time they don’t make sense. “The grocery bags rustled like quiet applause” What? Sae moved the character like a chess piece…all he was doing was leading the character to the couch.
Most parts of writing don’t need to have metaphors or analogies to get your point across, nor a deeper meaning. If you have too many it ruins the pacing of the story. Like I said before, you use them almost every other paragraph.
It also reads like you use AI to write for you, AI is obsessed with putting together metaphors/ smiles that don’t make sense. And also ones that often time overexaggerate many scenes. AI writing adds a lot of depth to the most basic sequences which is how I’d rate your writing. I can’t say 100% that you use AI but if you do, it’s extremely obvious.
(complete yap ahead so so sorry)
Hi anon, thank you for taking the time to share this. I completely understand how you can say that and I deeply apologize if my writing came across the way you described.
I really appreciate this message because although I’ve posted a multitude of fics and oneshots, I’ve never been fully confident in my writing. I’ve always struggled with not inherently knowing exactly where and how to improve myself, and most of the time I based it on the notes or how my works are received.
My original style leaned toward lyrical prose (that’s how I was trained to write back in my uni days), but I realized it wasn’t being received as well as some of my simpler works. Then, when I wrote in a simpler style, I noticed those weren’t being received as much either. So I tried weaving in a little of poetic prose (metaphors and imagery) in hopes of maintaning a balance and engaging readers more. That’s how I ended up where I am now.
I think I've mentioned it here somewhere before how I sometimes feel it comes out bland/unfulfilling and whatnot, which is why I experiment a lot with different styles. I wanted to push myself creatively, and part of that meant trying out said metaphors and analogies. I also noticed that many other writers use them in their works, which is where I got the decision to incorporate them more often.
Somewhere along the way, I realized my writing has strayed from where it used to be, and I’ve been struggling to find that balance again. It’s not just here on this writing account—it’s something my prof pointed in my school publishing works too.
With the “chess piece” part in particular, I already debated whether to include it because as you said it did feel a bit misplaced, rven to me, but my intention was to portray sae in a more dominant light—placing the reader exactly where he wanted, rather than just depicting a neutral action.
And to clarify: I’ve never used AI for my writing, nor do I ever plan to. Writing has always been something I’m genuinely passionate about. To be honest, I’m actually quite scared of using it—my prof in uni always drilled into us that AI or any form of cheating was pure cowardice, and that has been instilled within me ever since. English isn’t my first language, never quite understood how to use it sometimes, so I know my similes or phrasing might not always land the way I hope, and for that I apologize too.
I really do appreciate this message—it’s definitely something I’ll be keeping with me in and for the future. Thank you for being honest with me; even if it’s quite hard to hear (or read haha), it gave me the guidance I needed.