My eldest was nine years old and had questions, for the first time, about why we said Hamotzi over the Friday challah we'd picked up at the JCC.
"Blessed is God, ruler of the Universe, who brings forth bread from the earth."
9yo:...but I don't believe in a ruler-of-the-universe kind of God...?
Me: I don't either- but I'm glad bread exists and I'm grateful that we have food to eat. Are you?
9yo: Yeah...
Me: So I think of it as a way of remembering to be grateful. To remember how amazing it is that humans learned to cultivate wheat, to grind it, and make the flour into bread. A prayer like this is a way of remembering how fortunate we are instead of taking it for granted.
9yo: But it's amazing that HUMANS learned to grow wheat and bake bread. Why thank God?
Me: Do you remember when we talked about Pesach and the Exodus story and the ancestors of the Israelites being slaves in Egypt? Do you remember what we learned about that?
9yo: They were probably never slaves in Egypt, because there's no evidence for it where there should be. It's probably just an origin myth.
Me: Pretty much, yeah. But if a people's origin myth includes escaping slavery, how are they likely to feel about slavery?
9yo: They'll hate it
Me: And how will they hopefully feel when other people are enslaved?
9yo: They'll know it's wrong.
Me: So even a story which isn't literally true...can still be good. Origin myths shape peoples. I like this one and I'm glad it's the origin myth for our ancestors.
9yo: Okay...but Hamotzi isn't about the Exodus story...?
Me: To me, Hamotzi is sort of like the Exodus story- it doesn't need to be literally true to be good. Since I don't believe in a creator-of-the-universe sort of God, I see the prayer as a way of remembering to be glad that we evolved the way we did to enjoy eating delicious bread, to be glad that humans learned to grow wheat, grind flour, domesticate chickens and bees, and make bread, and to be grateful that we have enough to eat, because many people in many times and many places, including today, don't have enough to eat.
We can see it as a way to remember to not take for granted that our bodies are healthy and we can enjoy eating bread which fuels our bodies. We're lucky to have this bread, and it is good for us to remember how lucky we are. It's bad for us to take our good fortune for granted.
9yo: Okay, being grateful is good. But why thank a God who we don't think is listening? Why do it in Hebrew?
Me: Because expressing that gratitude, in Hebrew, towards God, is the way our ancestors remembered to be grateful for a very, very long time. When we do it the same way they did it, it's a way of remembering who they were, how hard they worked, and how much they struggled to enable you and I to be here, generations later, on the other side of the planet, healthfully and peacefully eating bread.
Sometimes, it's easier to remember to be grateful if the words for expressing that gratitude are pre-parepared. Sometimes, it's easier to feel gratitude if there's a direction in which to express it. I don't believe in a human-like God who cares at all about prayers or being thanked by humans in Hebrew or any other language. But I believe it is good for us to take moments, now and then, to appreciate the incredibly long chain of events which have resulted in you and I, sitting here, eating Challah, and talking about why we pray.
9yo: Okay. It just felt weird to thank a God I don't believe in.
Me: Oh yeah. That felt weird to me for a long time too. You ask really good questions, though- and I like how you don't want to do or say things which don't make sense to you.
9yo: Someone at school told me it's bad to question God.
Me: Maybe that's what the religious tradition of their heritage teaches. In the religious tradition of our heritage, questions are not just okay, but good. You're supposed to question stuff.
9yo: Oh. So that makes me good at being Jewish?
Me: Absolutely.
