okay but are we really meant to believe that peter saved tris just because he felt like he owed her?
like... why would tris mention love - not loyalty, or friendship, or just doing the right thing, but love - as a motivation, if we weren't meant to consider it?
Pairing: Tris Prior x Peter Hayes
Words: 2,870
You can also read this on AO3.
This is an AU where Tobias dies instead of Tris, and Peter regains his memories.
At first, Peter didn't remember much. All he remembered was a beautiful girl's face.
It started just how he wanted it too. He remembered nothing of what he did, the good and especially the bad. He only remembered a blonde girl whose frame was petite but had the ferocity behind her eyes of a thousand men. Her eyes were gray and stormy; they reminded him of the first night he arrived in Milwaukee. It wasn't until that night when he woke up from his deep slumber whispering her name that he knew it didn't work. He knew it was a name he was supposed to forget.
Tris Prior.
Peter had suspected it for a long time, but he figured it couldn't be true. Something like that wouldn't happen to him. Not that it mattered now anyway. Tris saved the world and factions were destroyed. But the word played at his lips as he rode into Chicago on the train.
Divergent. He had always been Divergent; he was just smart enough never to get caught and played the right sides, or so he thought.
Peter gulped and looked out the train window nervously. He wanted to start over; he wanted to be a good person. He took the serum to forget all the horrible things he had done, but they came flooding back to him. The serum didn't work, and he knew why.
He knew he was stupid to come back to Chicago, but he had to tell someone. He especially had to tell her. If anything, he had to see her. The fact that she was his first memory that came back to him meant something. He knew it did. He was not the type to be sentimental, but maybe it was time to start being that way. He wasn't sure who he was or who he should be anymore. All he knew was he wanted to be better.
The train hadn't stopped before Peter opened the door jumped out of it. He used his old Dauntless training and rolled onto the ground to avoid injury. He dusted off his pants as he stood up. The train whipped his hair in all directions as it sped away from him at lightning speed.
He had written to Caleb. He wasn't expecting to hear anything back from him, but that's when he heard about Four in his reply. Four was dead. Tris saved the world, but it cost her his life. He knew that had to have been eating her alive. A year had passed, but her greatest strength and weakness was her bleeding heart. He had always admired that about her, even when he hated her, but he never would have admitted it. It was from Caleb he learned that she was still living in Four's old flat. A part of her had always been nostalgic, but he wondered if that brought her more pain than anything else. He could not imagine living in his dead lover's home, not that he had ever been in love before now.
He kept his head down as he walked through the city. He wasn't sure what he was afraid of. Most people still living in Chicago didn't know him or didn't even care, but Peter couldn't help but feel ashamed. At one point, he wouldn't have cared if any of these people were dead or alive. That's why when he finally reached her doorstep he almost turned on his heel and ran away. It was the cowardly thing to do, and he knew if he didn't tell her his secret it would eat him alive, but he could not face her. Not after everything he realized, not after knowing the truth. But Peter didn't have the chance to run away, because as he was about too, she opened her front door.
Tris froze when she saw him. He expected her to punch him instantly, scream, anything. But she didn't. She just studied him and lifted her right brow up in bewilderment.
"Peter?" She asked, "Is that you?"
Of course she would be confused, Peter thought, she thought his memories were gone for good.
He swallowed down the remaining saliva in his throat and croaked out, "Yes-yes, it's me."
Clearly stunned to silence, she just stared at him again. This made Peter clear his throat, "You're not going to punch me or kick me? Not even scream at me?"
It was then she rolled her eyes, "I don't have it in me, Peter. What do you want and why do you have your memories?"
Peter considered lying, but he was Candor deep down. He still valued his honesty more than anything else, especially now that he realized he was the biggest coward to ever walk the planet. So he told her the truth, "I'm Divergent."
He wasn't expecting her to laugh, but she laughed in his face. It was an airy laugh, like she was exasperated and hadn't heard that term in years, when really, she probably still heard it daily.
"Are you fucking with me?" She asked him, "Do you think this is a joke?"
"No," he answered quickly, "You know I don't lie."
"Oh sure, because you have always been the poster child for Candor. The only Candor part of you is being a pompous asshole."
This made him glare at her, "I'm being serious. I am Divergent. The serum wore off, I'm probably just not as pure of a Divergent as you."
"How could you survive everything if you are Divergent? How could you survive if Tob-"
But she stopped herself. He knew exactly what she was going to say, so she didn't need to finish her statement. He watched as Four's name got caught in her throat and how her eyes turned distant, but as usual, she tried to shake it off and put on a facade.
"I don't know," he told her, "I honestly don't know how a piece of shit like me survived and Four didn't. He was one of the good ones."
It was the first time she had looked into his eyes, like really looked into his eyes. He was sure she had really looked at him before all of this happened, but her gazes before were always full of hatred. This time, it wasn't. He was surprised to detect sympathy exuding out of her.
"Pet-" she started, but he stopped her by raising his hand in the air.
"There's no need," he explained, "I just came to get more answers."
"I really don't want to talk about the past."
"I really need to."
He was expecting her to punch him then, but she surprised him again by not even attempting. All she did was nod and move aside so he could come into her flat. He even took his shoes off to not get mud on her rug. That should show her he was at least trying to be a better person.
She awkwardly stood and watched him as he made his way to Four's old sofa. He avoided looking her in the eye, but he knew she was watching him closely. She probably figured he was still a ticking time bomb. He still wasn't even sure if he wasn't. He was unsure of everything.
Peter finally took the chance to look up at her directly. She didn't drop his gaze as he told her to sit down in her own home. In silence, she made her way over to the chair across from him.
"So," she finally started, "Have you always known or is this some kind of new discovery?"
He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand and leaned forward in his seat. He was nervous, which was unlike him. Or at least unlike the old him.
"I suppose I always suspected, but I didn't want to believe it," he told her honestly, "As you know, I was always at the right place at the right time and was all about self-preservation."
"Was? Are you not still?"
His breath caught in his throat as he looked up at her. Tris surprised him by blushing slightly and quickly looking down to the ground, "I'm-I'm sorry, I overstepped-"
"You didn't," he reassured her, "I don't want to be all about self-preservation anymore. I want to be someone better than that."
"Self-preservation isn't all bad. If I was more conscious of it, Tobias might still be-"
"Don't do that," he interrupted her, "Don't blame yourself."
"The Peter I know would have taunted me over this-"
"You never really knew Peter."
She scrunched her brows together and leaned back in her seat, "Apparently I didn't."
After that, they sat and stared at each other in silence for a long time. He didn't ask her any more questions about Four or Divergence. There was really no reason to. He already knew all the answers. He realized then it was just his excuse to talk to her as him. That's why he came. He didn't need to talk about the past, he needed to make amends and show her that things could be different.
Hours had passed and awkward conversation filled up the time. When he finally decided to get up and leave, Tris walked him to the door.
"Are you going to stay in Chicago?" She asked him.
"I haven't decided yet, but I am staying with Caleb until I have everything figured out."
She snorted, "Of course you found out I was here from Caleb. You have always had this weird friendship I have never understood."
A classic Peter smirk escaped his lips, "There are a lot of things you don't understand, Tris."
And on that note, he turned on his heel and made his way out into the rain. He could feel Tris watch him as he left, even when he was far down the busy Chicago street.
Weeks had passed as he stayed at Caleb's, and he visited Tris every day. He learned that she hadn't done much in the past year. She holed herself up in her flat in her own misery. It was Peter's new mission to make sure she got out and lived a little again. She was resistant at first, but she eventually warmed up to him. Peter really was starting to believe she had seen he had changed. This gave him hope.
It was a Tuesday when she called him up at Caleb's and told him she wanted to take him somewhere. He was intrigued that she initiated plans rather than him, but he didn't pry. He just followed her down the street as she kept her head down and her short blonde hair fell in her face. He was half-tempted to brush it behind her ear.
Rain started to drizzle as they made it to what he recognized as the old Abnegation compound. He instantly felt uncomfortable and horrible memories flashed through his mind, but he squeezed his knuckles together in his hoodie pocket and kept following her. It was as though it was still a wasteland. No one in Chicago had even decided to touch it, other than the many graves that were now standing. It was then he realized they had made it a memorial.
They made it to a pile of rubble that was showing off yellow flowers. He looked down at the stone and saw there was an engraving.
"To Tobias," it said, "You were always kind, smart, honest, brave, and selfless. You never had to worry about being all those things. You will always be those things and defy the odds of humanity."
"His grave?" He whispered.
She only nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets.
"He really was all those things, wasn't he? How can I be Divergent and not be those things?"
"It isn't about being Divergent or not," she explained, "Tobias was all those things from his heart, not what they created us to be. He technically wasn't even fully Divergent. They called him "genetically damaged," and that always bothered him up until the day he died. He never realized he could never be damaged. He defied us all."
Peter glanced over at Tris to see that there was no emotion on her face. She was just staring down at Four's grave solemnly.
He wasn't sure what inclined him to do so, but he took his hands out of his hoodie pocket and reached for her arm. He gently tugged her hand out of her pocket and slipped his fingers through hers. Her fingers were cold and his were blazing. It was like they were fire and ice. He expected her to pull away from him in disgust, maybe even hit him, but he realized Tris did not have any violent tendencies now that it was all over. That was not her natural inclination at all to solving problems. She just looked down at their grasped hands and squeezed his tighter.
They didn't say another word as the rain started to pour. They just stood there and let themselves become drenched, honoring a man who did not deserve his fate.
Two months had passed since he arrived in Chicago, so he wasn't surprised when Caleb turned on the lights in his guest bedroom one morning and told him that he needed to get his own place.
"You are obviously staying in Chicago now for my sister," Caleb stated bluntly, "You need to find your own place. You can't just live here for free for the rest of your life."
Peter groaned and rolled over in the bed, "Do you have to do this now this early in the morning?"
"It's 11 am."
Peter grunted, "Fine."
He rolled out of bed and slipped a hoodie on to go along with his sweats. He watched as Caleb examined the dirty clothing scattered across his hardwood floors.
"You could at least pick up after yourself in someone else's home."
"Sorry," Peter replied, honestly not really caring, "I will be better next time."
"No, you won't," Caleb joked.
Peter smirked.
A ridiculous idea came to him as he was walking to Tris' flat. He wanted her to move in with him. Now, they weren't actually an item. He didn't know if she could ever feel towards him what he felt towards her. His feelings were technically still a secret, but he knew it was not good for her emotionally to be holding onto her past by living in Four's old flat. So he was going to offer the idea to her. He knew he was crazy, but the thought that he might live with Tris Prior put a pep in his step.
Before he could even knock at her front door, she was opening it with a bag in her hand. She looked surprised to see him, but a rare smile spread across her face when she realized it was him.
"Peter," she said, "I was actually coming to Caleb's place to see you."
"Really?"
"Yeah," she said, "Why is that surprising?"
Peter felt himself blush, and then all of a sudden, he blurted it out like an idiot.
"I am staying in Chicago, and I want you to move in with me."
Peter watched as the smile instantly fell from her face.
"What?" She asked, "Why would you-"
"I'm in love with you, Tris. You were the first thing I thought about when I got my memories back. That's how I learned I was Divergent. I came here for you."
He watched her blink a few times and look down at the ground.
"I'm-I'm sorry," she told him, "I can't."
He was about to say something else, but she turned around back into her flat and shut the door.
He didn't bother her anymore that day. He realized he probably should never bother her again.
Despite Tris not wanting to move in with him like a sane person would do, he still got a flat in Chicago. He couldn't leave now, not after he made connections again. He even considered Caleb a true friend. He had never had one before.
Weeks had passed since he had seen Tris. Caleb made sure to not bring her up in any of their conversations either. It was like she no longer existed. But Peter understood, so he gave her space. Maybe one day she would change her mind, or he would never hear from her again. He realized he truly loved her when he knew he could let her go if that is what she needed. He understood needing a fresh start, especially away from someone you used to hate.
He was heating his dinner in the microwave when his doorbell rang. He slipped on his slippers as he answered the front door. Although he should have been surprised to see her, deep down, he wasn't. Tris was standing there with a bag over her shoulder. She didn't say anything at all. She just looked at him nervously. It was then her true feelings towards him were known.
"Come in," he told her, "You're always welcome here."
And as she walked in and set her bag down, he knew his new life was truly beginning. Maybe forgiveness was the key to everything.
