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Petvengers (Or, how Peter tricks NY heroes into pet adoption)

Again, this is also on Ao3, but I want to have duplicates, just in case.

here is the link if you want to read it on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19139326/chapters/45486811

This is part of a series. This is bordering on crack, seriously. It is a lot of fun to write though. I hope you will enjoy it.

Peter has decided that New York's heroes should all have (at least one) pet. Because pets are awesome. Now he just has to convince them of it.

Here a little bit to catch you up:

As with all the other fics in the series, Civil War got resolved peacefully (and Ross is out of office), and Infinity War and Endgame did not and will not happen. This fanfiction series universe is a happy place. Okay? Good.

Tony and Pepper share custody over Peter with May. Peter occasionally calls Tony Dad (he might also at one point refer to Pepper as Mom, but Aunt May will always be Aunt May, without the title diminishing the magnitude of love he feels for her)

Peter has a male Pitbull named Hope, a shelter rescue dog who was about to be euthanized.

Tony has spilled the beans on live TV about Peter being heir to Stark Industries.

Peter is acquainted with some of NYPD's detectives and the captain.

Tony, being the overprotective helicopter parent he is, has used his, so far limited, access to nano-technology to make a watch for Peter that tracks pretty much everything and can't be taken off by anyone other than Tony (or, in the event of Tony's demise, Pepper, May, Happy, or Rhodey) – See part 1 and 2 of the series for reference.

Tony and Pepper still own and live in the Tower, and the Avengers all have rooms (floors) there as well. Due to the events of the second story in the series (the wounds we see and the scars we don't) May and Peter have also taken up residence in the tower (more specifically on Tony and Peppers floor, where they have their own living spaces). Though right now this arrangement is temporary and the two might move back into their house in Queens eventually.

Since I ignore Infinity War and Endgame, neither Tony nor Peter have nano-tech-suits. (Though they might at some point)

Also, the identities of other vigilantes are known to the Avengers (part of the fixed Accords thing)

Last but never least, my very favorite part of this series, Peter swears in food names. Shit = Skittles, Damn = Donuts, Hell = Hot Dogs, Fuck = French Fries or Fruit Loops, any kind of name calling, i.e. Bitch, Ass, Fuckface, etc = Licorice

Chapter 1

Steve

Edward 'Ned' Leeds loved his best friend. He truly, absolutely, did. Peter was his brother from another mother.

However, that didn't change the fact that sometimes, Peter could be a teeny, tiny, little bit ridiculous.

Because who else would ever get the idea of tricking earths mightiest heroes into each adopting a shelter animal.

-

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Peter, you can't lie to save your life. How do you plan on tricking anyone, much less the Avengers, into taking a pet home? Especially since they already have you.

DefinitelynotSpiderman: Okay, first, rude. I can totally lie when I want to. In fact, I'm a great liar. Like,... Just look at my chatname! If that doesn't scream 'Master of deception', nothing does.

Guyinthechair: Ô_o...

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Ô_o...

DefinitelynotSpiderman: And second, I have a fool proof plan.

Guyinthechair: Ô_o...

MyfriendscallmeMJ: Ô_o...

DefinitelynotSpiderman: Parts of a fool proof plan... like... 46% of a plan,... that is not at all fool proof... but we can totally pull it off!

Guyinthechair: Yeah, somehow I do not feel confident about this. At all.

MyfriendscallmeMJ: What do you mean 'we'?

-

And so it was that Ned found himself, armed with his trusty camcorder, waiting in front of 'A heart has four paws' shelter for Peter, on a sunny Saturday morning. Really, all Peter had said was to meet him there at exactly 9:30am, and to be ready to film what would become 'a promotional video'.

Ned had absolutely no idea what Peter had planned, but it was either going to be absolutely epic, or completely embarrassing.

A quick look at his phone revealed the time to be 9:27, which left his best friend three minutes before Ned was allowed to officially change Peter's chatname into 'ThetardySpider'. He was already typing in his friends password into the first of many social media platforms, when (happy) barking reached his ears. He looked up to see Hope and Peter racing each other to reach him.

"Not late!"

Peter wheezed out as soon as he came to a stop in front of Ned.

"I totally did not forget to ask Friday to wake me up early today and was absolutely not just woken up 35 minutes ago by Hope licking my face off. Completely on time, that's me. Mr. Punctuality."

He doubled over immediately after, bracing his hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath.

Ned checked his phone. 9:29. Donuts! Oh well, knowing his best friend, an opportunity for assigning punishing nicknames would present itself once again. So he bent down to give Hope some love, while Peter was finally regaining his lost oxygen.

"Okay! We all set? You got your camera, Ned?"

He held it up for Peter to see.

"What am I even supposed to film with it? And shouldn't you have brought at least one of the people you intend to con into pet acquisition with you, oh great master of deception?"

"Please, you make me sound like a criminal. I'm not going to 'con' anyone, just persuade them to do something I want by slightly bending the truth."

Ned gave him a deadpan look.

"Pete, that is the textbook definition of conning someone."

But the brunette waved him off, digging his phone out of his pants.

"Semantics. Now, Steve left for his morning jog at 5, the freak, and since it's Saturday and there is no mission to prepare for, he wanted to make it a full run 'round."

Ned's yaw dropped.

"Are you telling me Captain America is jogging through all of New York?"

Peter nodded distractedly while typing something into his phone.

"And he got up a 5 am to do it. 5 am, Ned! Sleep-hating-freak. Not even Sam and Bucky joined him for something this crazy. I mean, 5 am, Ned!"

"You know you have gotten up earlier than that. Actually, you have stayed up later than that."

His exclamation was waved away again.

"That was for Spiderman, and lab time with Tony,... and cartoons. You know, important stuff. Not to go jogging!"

Peter shuddered for effect.

"Anyway, according to his usual running speed, traffic, roadblocks, calculated detours and approximate number of stops he had to make to hydrate or take a selfie with a fan, he should be in this general area by now."

Apparently having finished with his first task on the phone, Peter then scrolled through his contacts and hit the call button for one 'Star spangled man with a plan'. He didn't have to wait long for Steve to accept the call.

"Hey Pete, what-"

"STEVE! IT'S AN EMERGENCY! COME TO LEE AVENUE 14! HURRY!" And then Peter promptly hung up.

Ned stared at him open mouthed for three long seconds, then he beamed and proudly patted his friend on the shoulder.

"You just lied to Captain America without stuttering, over-explaining yourself, or dissolving into a puddle of anxiety! Good for you!"

Peter's grin couldn't possibly be wider.

"Thanks! For a moment there I thought I was going to choke, but then I pulled through! Tasha practiced with me for two hours last night."

"The Black Widow knows about your plans?"

Peter nodded.

"Tasha knows everything."

"Does she know about the-"

"Yeah."

"And about the time when-"

"Yeah."

"And what about-"

"She knows that, too."

Ned let out a reverent "Whooow."

Then he thought of something else.

"What if the Captain calls the other Avengers for backup, thinking you are in trouble?"

"I told Karen to inform Friday to ignore any assemble requests made by Steve, right after my phone call with him."

"So that's what you were typing on your phone earlier."

Peter nodded, then suddenly looked down the street in front of them, Hope simultaneously lifted his head from where it had been resting on his paws.

"Get your camera ready, Cap is closing in."

Ned did just that, and forever captured on film as one (very sweaty) Steve Rogers ran full speed to the two of them.

"Peter!"

He didn't take long to reach the two teens, even with an excited Hope jumping up and around him to greet the super soldier.

"What happened? Are you hurt? Are you two okay? Is there a new villain? What's the situation? I called for backup, the others should be here shortly."

Knowing they would not, Peter grabbed for Hope to hold the enthusiastic Pitbull at bay, and waited for Steve to finish with his visual assessment of any possibly sustained injuries. Then he grinned.

"Quick, the one needing your help is inside!"

He grabbed the blonde's arm and unceremoniously pulled him through the shelter doors, a still filming Ned and tail wagging Hope right behind them.

_

Andrew was just getting some of the forms for new owners in order, when the automatic doors of the entrance opened with a ding, causing him to abandon his task for later.

He did a double take when non other than Captain America, Steve Rogers, in civilian (and kinda sweat stained) clothes was dragged in by a familiar looking teenager. Followed by another teenager holding a camcorder fixed on the american icon, and a familiar looking Pitbull.

Since his brain was obviously not equipped to sort through everything at once, he focused on the issue that was the easiest to resolve.

"Hey! You are that kid that was here with Tony Stark, right?"

Said kid grinned and proceeded to drag Captain freaking America to the front desk.

"Yes! I remember you too! I'm Peter, by the way. I see you did some remodeling with the place."

Andrew smiled and shook the teen's hand.

"Hi Peter, I'm Andrew. And yes, thanks to Mr. Stark's generous donation, we were able to expand quite a bit. Even got some space out back, for the bigger ones to run a little."

"That's great!"

"You aren't here to return your dog, are you?"

"Never! Hope is ohana, and ohana means family."

"Good, good. Say, quick question, kid. Is that man with you Steve Rogers, aka Captain America?"

"He is."

"Peter."

The authoritative voice of the living american legend, pulled Peter and Andrew out of their little conversation, and brought their full attention on him. Steve, for his part, after having scanned the buildings lobby for possible threats, or other dangerous things, and valiantly ignoring the camera Peter's friend kept trained on him the whole time, took a deep breath.

Calm, be calm.

"Peter, why am I here?"

The teen grinned brightly.

"Rescue mission."

Calm, remain calm.

"And who, exactly, needs to be rescued?"

The grin got brighter.

"Well, whoever you decide on taking home with you. Though I've always kinda pegged you for a dog person, so maybe we should start with them."

Calm, calm, calm, you fought in wars, soldier. Keep calm.

"Son, I'm not getting a dog."

The kid shrugged.

"Okay, the cats here are great too! Or maybe you want a bird? Some of these have a pretty long lifespan, you know? We can also look at the smaller animals. They have ferrets, and chinchillas, and rabbits-"

You fought aliens, and an insane robot, your boyfriend was brainwashed into trying to kill you and one of your best friends is Tony Stark! If you can live through all that, you can get through this insanity too.

"-though I really think you should get a dog. It just fits, you know?"

Calm, calm.

"Peter, I am not getting a dog!"

-

"So, this is Colonel. He is a mixed breed of unknown origins, though the shelter worker said that there is definitely some German Shepard in there."

Steve was met with the non blinking eyes of his fellow Avengers and friends, and their assorted families, who were for once all in attendance in the tower's common floor living room.

The Barton kids (minus Nathaniel, who was busy spreading mashed potatoes everywhere that wasn't his mouth, and especially his father at the moment) and Peter were playing with the two dogs.

Then Clint (who really didn't look at all intimidating with a toddler on his lap and mashed potatoes all over his face) was staring imploringly at his wife, Laura skillfully ignored her husband, Natasha went over to Peter to congratulate him on his successful manipulation of another human being, Sam groaned about not scooping up any poop, Bucky joined the kids and dogs on the floor, Pepper shook her head, May refilled both her, Laura's and Pepper's wine glasses, Bruce hid a smile in his book, and Tony almost fell off the couch, he was laughing so hard.

"Your dog has a higher military rank than you!"

-

end chapter 1

Next up: Bucky and Sam :-)

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