A Special Dedication
phan oneshot
word count: 2.1k
genre: Fluff and angst (?)
AN- Another collab with beware-phangirl again had alot of fun writing this and hope you all enjoy it!
summary: Phil want's to come out, but Dan's not so sure...
Lets go!
"Dan, I need to put this in the oven now." Phil gestured towards their hands, which were laced together affectionately.
"Oh right, yeah" Dan reluctantly let go, and Phil flashed his boyfriend a reassuring grin as he grabbed the oven gloves. He made to grab the tray, and watched as Dan swiped a glob of the brown mix. He slyly licked it off, looking away, acting innocent.
"Daaannnn!" Phil exclaimed in despair. Dan chuckled as he attempted to get another mouthful.
"Oi!" Phil swatted his hand away, his fingers lingering on Dan's soft skin. Dan pouted adorably as Phil stored it in the oven.
"But its so good!"
"No." Phil responded to Dan's protests by wagging his finger in his face. Dan bared his teeth, playfully trying to bite it. Both erupted in laughter continued to playfully growl at each other.
"Remember last time we did this?" They were sitting down, waiting for their brownies to bake. Phil's head rested in the crook of dans neck, as he flicked his eyes up to see Dan’s grin. Dan reached for his hand and squeezed.
“Yeah. That was fun.” They shared a smile.
The harsh beep of the cooker interrupted them, and Phil jumped up, squealing "Brownies!" as he rushed over. Dan rolled his eyes lovingly as he stared after his boyfriend. A sweet aroma filledthe kitchen, and both took in deep breaths of the scent. Not thinking that the brownies had just been in a ridiculously hot oven, Dan reached out to grab a chunk. He jumped back, yelping and flapping his hands around as he realised his error.
“Silly person.” Phil chuckled, and carefully cut off a small slice of brownie, blowing on it before feeding it to Dan, who had recovered remarkably quickly.
They continued to feed each other, laughing if they managed to get crumbs on their noses.
"They tasted so good!" Phil announced when they had finished. A cheeky smirk emerged on Dan's face as he scavenged the last crumbs.
"Not as good as you do!"
"Dan!!!"
"Sorry, sorry. Yeah, that wasn't appropriate."
Blushing, Phil shook his head, trying to hide his giggles.
"No, it really wasn't! That was so dirty!"
"What did you expect, you're the innocent one!" Dan smirked in reply. He gently brushed the remaining cake from Phils cheek, and the older man raised his eyebrows.
"Doesn't mean I can't do this!" Phil pulled Dan closer, pressing his lips rather forcefully onto Dan's. Dan was surprised at first, but was quick to respond, moving his lips to the tempo Phil was setting. They could both taste the sweet taste of sugar on the other. It was sometime before they broke apart, slightly breathless.
“Told you they didn’t taste as good as you.” Dan smirked as Phil blushed slightly, glaring at him.
“I knew exactly what you meant, Dan. Don't try and wriggle out of it!" He scolded. All the same, he pecked his lips again.
A silence settled as the remains of the joke faded away. Dan and Phil were left facing each other, smiling. The live lounge was a comfortable place to hover whilst they waited for their call. Sometimes Dan, exhausted from late night browsing, would snuggle up to Phil on the sofa, resting his head on his shoulder. Other times, like today, they would sit next to each other and chat, hand in hand, whilst watching the bustle of the studio.
"Errr, Dan?" Phil asked tentatively.
“Mhm?” Dan mumbled, his head flopped back and his eyes closed. Phil’s heart fluttered, as always, as he watched them flicker open, Dan’s deep brown eyes smiling at him. Trying not to blush, Phil stared at his fidgeting hands.
“Um...I was just wondering…”
“C’mon Phil, what is it?” Dan smiled encouragingly down at phil, who was nibbling his lip anxiously. Phil sighed.
“Can we tell the viewers? About us? Tonight?” he continued to chew his lip. Dan’s smile faltered, and his eyes darkened slightly. he ran a hand through his hair, sighing.
“I don’t think so Phil…” Phil looked at him, sadness invading his eyes.
“But why?! We’ve been together for five years now, nearly six, and i hate hiding this, what we have…”
“Phil, no. I don’t want to…” Dan got cut off by phil, the sadness in his eyes replaced by flames of anger and hurt.
“Sometimes I think that you're not proud of this. Do you want to be a couple at all? what’s the point of this if we can’t show it off!?”
“Phil, don’t do this. I’m sorry i just…”
"There's nothing to be scared of, Dan! I'll be there for you, for us..."
"Yeah, I know. it’s just I...."
"And if you're going to say something about the fans, don't. They'd never give you crap, heck, most of them want us to be together. They love you, Dan, just like I love you”
By now both men had tears in their eyes. this wasn’t the first time they had fought over this.
“But Phil, you don’t…”
“Save it, Dan. Let me know when you aren’t ashamed of me.” Phil walked out of the room, heading to the studio, leaving Dan alone.
The fourth song was playing. There was no video, so they were left standing awkwardly in front of the camera, and the hundreds of worrying eyes that watched their every, stiff move. Dan couldn’t look at Phil; he knew that he’d burst into tears. The guilt and hurt had already eaten him whole. Phil passed the board, which had his hand writing scrawled at the top, to Dan, his eyes glancing at him before looking away in disgust. Dan tried to act normal as he drew, and even managed a small smile as he showed it to Phil. Phil nodded, but returned to the mass of buttons. Dan mentally sighed as he paced the headphones back on his head.
“And that was Train with Drive By” Phil spoke into the microphone.
“A song all about being there for each other.” Dan said, risking a light sideways glance at Phil, forcing a smile. “what’s your opinion on that, then Phil?"
"Why would you ask that, Dan?" Phil replied, a hint of sceptical accompanying what would usually be banter, flicking his fringe away to look at Dan.
"I dont know" Dan grinned as he threw his arms up, feeling the old ways returning. He could at least pretend everything was fine. "Just curious?" He added, his face pulling the expression the fans, and Phil, knew so well.
“Well, as long as you’ve got your laptop, you’re all set really aren’t you?” Phil smirked
“Really? Really Phil?” They both laughed, but even to Dan, it sounded hollow, not as real as usual. He could feel himself loosen up slightly, however.
"Yeah! Course" he paused. "That explains why you were so distraught on Wednesday when that criminal fly abducted your laptop!”
Dan felt a slight blush appear on his cheeks, flattered that phil remembered.
“Yeah, yeah. Of course, that explains everything!” Dan chuckled, and for a minute everthing seemed normal, that they were back to their usual happy bantering self. then he caught phil’s eye, and felt the ache fall over his heart again.
“Ok so, the next song is viewers video, to what, in my opinion, has become a real modern day classic. Here is Emma and Lucy to One Direction's, What makes you beautiful! and don’t forget to tweet us using the hashtag #liferegrets. And by the way, Dan, didn’t I hear you singing One Direction in the shower…”
Dan hid his face in his hands and groaned, nodding slightly. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Phil laughing at him, loudly.
"That's one thing I DO regret!" He chuckled, smiling at the camera. "You have to admit that it was a groundbreaking performance though!" He protested. He stared intently at Phil, forgetting their argument as his eyes locked with Phil's blue ones. They looked at each other, as Phil slowly nodded, before the hurt returned to his eyes, and he frostily looked away. Dan looked away also, trying to hide the embarrassment and smitten expression which had invaded.
Fortunately for him, the music started to play, and he sighed in relief as the video took over. That had been the first time him and Phil had had a proper conversation, and it had just reminded him how bad he was being. He watched Phil, as his eyes skimmed over the laptop screen, smiling to himself at some of the tweets. He was perfect, amazing, beautiful. He didn't deserve to have to hide anymore. Dan didn’t know, in all honesty, why he was so afraid. And that was the reason, he decided, he needed to do something about it.
It was how he went about it that was the problem. They had been together nearly six years, it wasn’t something he could take lightly. Phil was right, but he couldn’t just slip it into a sentence. Not only did he have to make it up to Phil, but he had to show to the fans how much they meant to each other.
“Isn’t that right Dan?” Phil’s voice cut him from his thoughts. Startled, he flung his head round to face him.
“What?” He asked. Phil studied him questionably, perfect eyebrows furrowed together.
“They can request any song, can’t they.” he repeated slowly, obviously baffled at Dan’s day dreams.
“Oh, right yeah.” he looked away again as the solution appeared in his head. He was looking at the camera, so Phil couldn’t see the proud smile that appeared on his face.
“Can I request a song?” Dan whispered to one of the staff, stealing a glance at Phil. He was busy entertaining their massive audience, so didn’t see Dan conferring with the others.
“Sure, what song?”
He pondered for a second,his mind casting back to the endless ‘Phan’ tags on tumblr. He smirked as the words “Still Into You, Paramore” escaped his lips.
The music died down, and Dan took a deep breath. His heart started to rush as he knew this was his chance. No one knew what was happening, except that he was requesting a song; Phil was completely oblivious. It was odd not having his reassuring smiles. Before Phil could speak again, Dan seized the oppurtunity.
“I have a life regret.” He blurted out.
dan turned to phil, meeting his eyes. He could see slight confusion, but he continued regardless. He had to do this.
“And that is not telling the world how I feel about Phil. Hiding him. Cause he is far too much of an amazing person to be hid. He’s beautiful, and funny and clever and adorable, and he came into my life when I needed him most and turned my world upside down. I fell head over heals in love with him. And we’ve been in love ever since.” Dan could feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes as he turned back to the camera.
“That was nearly six years ago. And, hell, I wish I told you guys sooner. But I was scared. I’m sorry to those of you who didn’t want this, but, hell, if you are a real phangirl, then hopefully you can accept us. Accept this.” he reached out, intertwining his fingers with Phils, feeling a soft squeeze. He knew he was forgiven.
"I hope you're glad in some way, I know I am! However, please don't break Tumblr, I need it!" They both laughed, and Dan felt the familiar tug at his heart as he heard Phil.
“So there you go. The truth's out. So, without further ado here is Still into you, by Paramore, going out to Phil, my boyfriend.” As Dan heard the song begin to play, he removed his headphones, turning to look anxiously at phil, to be met with his boyfriends tearful eyes and huge smile. Phil pointed to a spot they both knew would be off camera and Dan nodded in return, allowing himself to be dragged over there by his hand.
“You didn't have to do that.” Phil mumbled into Dan's shoulder as he laced his arms round his waist.
“I wanted to. I owed it to you.” Phil was confused at first as Dan pulled away from the hug, but seconds later found Dan's sweet lips on his, moving steadily. The kiss only lasted a few moments, both knew they hadn’t got long until the song was over. Phil pulled Dan into one final hug.
“Thank you.”
Dan smiled, holding Phil close.
They reappeared on camera, scrolling through the mass of tweets.
“@bbcr1 any guesses as to what phan is up to off camera rn ;)”
Both laughed as they slid their headphones back on, preparing to face the next hour of the show.