oof ok i have a lot so you can choose (phan aus for the headcanons ask): detective au (one or both of them), au where dan is still a fan/never met phil in 2009, supernatural au (one of them is not human), x-men-type mutants au, hogwarts au (i had to :p)
You wanted only one AU you said? I’m sorry, Phan is my hyperfocus of the month so it looks like you win the headcannons of 3/5 the AUs and you know what? I’m not even sorry my homie.
This is long so I threw it under a cut.
Detective AU
1. Okay so, one would think Dan is the detective with his charming good looks who could get him into locations easily and charm people but Phil is actually a great detective because even though he’s tall, he just lives his life wanting to help people find something lost or someone missing or make sure people are not being unfairly treated. Dan is more his handler, part secretary (look someone needs to make sense of Phil’s notes, file them in a way that makes sense and is easily accessible to other people, and make sure Phil doesn’t overwork himself into a migraine like he has the past three weeks) and part paralegal at Phil’s little detective agency. He is very protective of his boss.
2. Phil loves being a detective. He doesn’t like to “spill tea” on clients like some people like to think he does, but he likes helping 80 year old women who were robbed get their wedding rings back or help someone find their missing child (he wishes those cases turned out a lot better than they usually do, but at the very least he helps people begin to grieve). He likes helping find justice and is actually pretty particular about what cases he’ll take. He hates doing cases about people thinking their spouses are cheating and really he does those if he’s desperate to make sure that he can pay Dan and his bills.
3. You can pry this one from my cold dead hands but Phil definitely has a corgi named Watson that he likes to dress up in plaid. Watson comes to the office with Phil because of long hours and has a little bed under Phil’s obnoxiously large desk that he bought specifically so he could have a bed for Watson there. Phil likes to pretend he’s hurt by Watson also curling up under Dan’s desk (but really he just goes soft for Dan’s voice going high pitched and “hello Watson”).
4. Dan is not a lawyer in the AU, but he did complete a paralegal program! As a paralegal, Dan can do legal research for anyone, but usually he does it for any jobs Phil did that end up needing to go to court. He can also draft legal documents and is also a notary; he just can’t legally represent anyone in court. Dan likes to joke that he is a slacker to the fact that “I’m a lawyer, but the bare minimum of one”. They met at college when Phil was in his last year of majoring in criminal justice and media studies and Dan was still on the track to wanting to be a lawyer. He took a gap (period) of years, had an existential crisis, became better friends with Phil during that time. Phil originally started his detective agency with another partner and when they left, Dan took over the secretarial side of things. It took him a few years, but he eventually went back to school to finish his paralegal certificate and Phil cheered the loudest at his graduation ceremony.
5. I don’t know how these two get together in the AU, but just know it is a slow burn. Like literal years and months and eons of mutual pining with them taking Watson on walks and late nights at the office and shared coffee runs and Dan always being scared Phil is going to do something super dangerous for his health like climb in a vent or park to close to a gangster’s house and get shot. After they get together, they do agree that Dan should get a another job because working together and living together with Phil’s unpredictable schedule was causing some fights for a long period of time (because they didn’t live together before this point). Dan does still stop by pretty often and double check the secretaries work and curl up in the corner of the sofa of Phil’s office (“Dan’s sofa crease” Phil affectionately calls it) and work on stuff for his other job at a nonprofit for mental health awareness.
Dan is a Fanboy and Literally the Biggest Philly AU (The barely alternate timeline tbh)
1. So, this is literally always my favorite kind of AU and I have a lot of soft feelings about these boys always managing to find each other somehow. But yes, Dan got discouraged after the like 100th time of subtweeting Phil and commenting on his videos and not getting a response, he never reached out to Phil for editing tips. Instead!!! He reaches out to a few other YouTubers years later when he’s going through his existential crisis and he’s like “you know, the last time i was happy was when I on YouTube all the time”. So he takes a gap year in university to try and see if it’s something he likes doing. He was not expecting for his channel to be well received. It takes him ages to figure out the jumpcut thing.
2. Because he never got to know Phil as young as he did, when they first meet at Summer In the City, Dan is actively trying not to lose his shit. Because holy fuck. This is Amazing Phil. This is the guy who he would play in the background while he studied and would donate so much on live streams and upvote and fuck he’s wearing some OG Phil merch with Lion on it. He walks around all day with his jacket zipped up because Phil can’t know he’s a fan; Phil is so smart and creative and funny and god. He’s completely turned upside down when Phil sees him and approaches him because “you’re danny’s snot on fire, right?”
Dan never regretted a username more in HIS LIFE and this exact moment lead to his rebranding months later
3. But they exchanged contact information and eventually did a collab video: Phil is Not on Fire. And they whole time, Dan is trying not to breathe too deep or do anything annoying because he’s in Phil’s bedroom??? His filming area??? His pants are on the floor like two feet away??? And when the tackle happens, Dan hopes he didn’t get a concussion and hallucinated the whole thing because Phil is warm and grinning at him with his tongue sticking out and holy shit, this is better than any video, gif, screen redraw, anything. Seeing it up close???
4. Phil doesn’t even notice Dan’s a fan until him and Jimmy do a ‘What’s in my tumblr tag?’ and Dan’s blog comes up with some Phil gif reblogs from back in the day and Phil just messages Dan screenshots. Dan is mortified. He’s going to delete his tumblr. He’s not Tyler (not that Tyler is bad, they’ve messaged a few times, but Dan’s not a /fanboy/ ((lmao he is))). Phil just giggles on the video and says that Dan is such a nice guy. Kind of. Definitely cheats at Mario Kart. Dan is literally going to die, this is the second best day of his life
5.They get together when they are both traveling for Playlist Live and they hook up at a party one of the nights there. Dan would be mortified if he didn’t wake up and Phil was still there. He didn’t take off in the middle of the night; he’s wrapped around Phil and Phil is mumbling under his breath about how Dan needs to stop moving and just sleep. Their coming out video is on Dan’s Channel and is Titled “I’m still #1 phil trash” which is a throw back to a privated video called “#1 phil trash” where it’s Dan talking about how talented and funny and inspirational Phil Lester is for six minutes because someone had asked him on Formspring who one of his idols was .
Hogwarts AU
1. Phil is from a magical household and his brother is a squib with a banging music career. Maybe it’s latent magic? Either way, Martyn is a sick af dj and Phil loves it when it’s time for summer vacation because he can visit Martyn in London and see some shows (he can’t go every night) or just wander around during the day with Martyn’s girlfriend Cornelia, who graduated from Durmstrang Institute, while Martyn sleeps off a late night show. Martyn being a Squib leads him to take Muggle Studies though because he wants to be able to connect with the world Martyn lives in and someday, at the rate technology is expanding, he is going to have to leave the isolating wizarding world.
2. Dan is from a muggle family and it shows in the tenacious way he fights to be accepted by his fellow Slytherins. Every O on an assignment he gets is validation, because see I belong here, I’m one of you, I may not have families who can trace their magic past Bloody Mary or past the plague, but I am still one of Merlin’ people. He isn’t a braggart though; it’s more of an internal validation until someone asks him for help in a subject.
3. Phil first really approaches Dan in his second year. He brought a hamster to Hogwarts (look, they’ve gotten relatively relaxed since Harry defeated the Dark Lord and the Peter Pettigrew Incident) and didn’t realize she was pregnant. The hamster had five babies and Phil remembered the lonely looking Slytherin who sat at the back of three of their house’s shared classes and thought “the boy needs a friend” so he gives Dan one of the babies. Dan names her Suki and spends so much time trying to make her happy.
4. Dan and Phil first kiss in Hogsmeade towards the end of their sixth year. Because look, these boys are magical but you can’t expect magic to help them get a clue. But they are sitting one one of the benches in town during early March and sipping Butterbeer and Phil just looks over and knows he has to kiss Dan. It’s a biological need. And it’s a good first kiss, warm and syrupy from the butterbeer.
5. Look I love Phil but I’m 99% sure Phil is someone who splinches when he Apparates. He leaves behind clothes more often than not, but there was one instance he left behind his left hand. Dan is fond, but it definitely explains the 20000 socks just lying around the flat they get after graduating.
Your pics are soooo amazing !!!! I'm very sorry for being needy but could you write something happens with little!dan about with his paci? x3 (Oh and i leave some cookies and milk here for ya)
this is kinda short soZ
Daniel Howell, when little, had to have his pacifier. Hell, when Dan wasn’t little and he was panicked, he had his paci. It was a comfort thing for Dan, and without it- everyone who was around him had better be ready for complete hell. Dan, with his oral fixation, had to be sucking on something. He didn’t mind if it was Phil’s cock, his paci, or a sucker. Currently, Dan was amidst a punishment. His daddy had taken his pacifier from him for making a mess in his panties (it wasn’t his fault, Dan would protest, since Phil had been teasing him all day, but that was besides the point).
Dan was in full on grump mode. He was ignoring his daddy, and this morning he’d even thrown his plate of pancakes that he’d specifically asked for on to the floor in a tantrum. Dan wanted his paci, and he wanted it now. So much so that when Phil announced that he was going out to get cupcakes, with strict instructions for Dan to be good and he could have a cupcake, Dan went on a hunt for it. He’d gone through every room in the house, eventually finding all of his pacifiers in the bottom drawer of the office desk, letting out a relieved breath. He grabs his favourite, one that reads ‘baby’ on its face, and puts it between his teeth, setting in to an easy rhythm of suckling on it.
That’s how Phil finds him, curled up on their bed with a paci in mouth, a stuffie in grasp and eyebrows furrowed deeply as his glazed over eyes gaze up at Phil, frown tugging on his lips. “What did I tell you baby..?” Phil says the words softly, and Dan whines. “I’m sorry Daddy I just.. I needed it..” He whimpers the words out, grasping the end of the pacifier with his fingers. Phil softens with that, and he slowly moves to lay beside Dan, holding him close to his chest and letting out a soft hum.
“It’s alright, I think you’ve had enough punishment for today, hm?” Dan smiles, and settles off in to an easy and dream filled sleep.
Super unrealistic hc but: phils family comes to town and dans super nervous so he gets on his best behavior and he realizes just how much his best behavior annoys phil cause it's so fake, so he tried even harder just to see how annoyed he can make phil.
“Dan, relax. You’ve met my parents a bunch of times and you know that they love you,” Phil said, watching Dan pace relentlessly in their lounge. He was stressed about Phil’s parents coming because he wants to show that he’s the perfect boyfriend.
“I know, Phil. But, I want to be perfect for them because I don’t want them to stop liking me.”
“You know that they could never stop loving you. I mean, they dealt with us when we were both in our cringy, emo phase; pretty sure that you’re okay if they still love you after that,” Phil said, with a giggle in his voice.
“But what if they do hate me? What if they think that us being together is a mistake and that you’d be better off with someone else?” Dan tried to conceal the fear and panic within him but his eyes showed that he was terrified. Phil pulled himself up off the couch and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.
“All you need to know is that I love you and that’s all that matters. Okay?”
Dan felt his racing heart begin to slow down, comforted by the man he loved. “Yeah, okay,” he said with a smile. Phil kissed him chastely as the buzzer to their apartment sounded out.
“That must be them! I’ll go get it,” Phil said with a smile. Dan knew how happy Phil was whenever he got to see his family. Regardless of what Phil told him, Dan was determined to be on his best behavior.
Straight away, Phil noticed a difference in Dan. Dan was using his “performance voice” instead of speaking normally, which bothered Phil to no end. He didn’t understand why Dan insisted on acting perfectly when acting naturally would be just as good. Dan also kept offering food and drinks to a point where Phil had to quietly tell him to stop. Yes, it was good that Dan was offering but after three cups of various drinks and two plates of biscuits, it needed to stop. Dan realized that his behavior was bothering Phil so he decided to see how far he could take it.
By the end of the night, Dan had offered to cook dinner, wash all the dishes from dinner, prepare after dinner cups of tea, and pay for the cab Phil’s parents would take back to their hotel. Once the door had closed and his parents sent off, Phil went in search for the source of his annoyance. He found Dan sat in their lounge, with a mischievous smile.
“You’re the worst,” Phil said, “you know that right?”
Dan laughed. “Yeah, but you love me anyway.” Phil laughed and sat down, slotting himself into Dan’s side. As much as the younger man annoyed him, he couldn’t help being in love with him.
Dan should have known it was a bad idea to play a horror game alone in the dark, especially when he had been drifting in and out of little space all day. Before recording he had sat at the desk for at least ten minutes, knees pulled to his chest and chin resting atop his knees. It had taken him that long to psyche himself up to play said horror game, the starter screen daunting enough to him before he rolled back his shoulders, let out a sigh and moving to begin recording.
By the time he had finished playing outlast, his mind was fuzzy and tears began to roll down his cheeks. He was scared, and alone, and all he wanted was for his Daddy to be home cuddling him, wanted Phil to come home. Dan tried to be big, he swears that he did because he knew that Phil had been excited to see his parents, and he would have hated to pull him away from them, half of the time he felt like he was too needy in the first place.
After 30 minutes of the soft and salty tears rolling down his cheeks, Dan somewhat pull’s himself together, grabbing his phone and staring down at the contact which read ‘Daddy’, only sending his mind spiralling because he wanted Phil home now. He clicks it, setting it by his ear as he rings, curling up closer to the sofa bed behind him, having forced himself as close as possible to the corner, his little mindspace telling him that it was the safest possible place to be.
Phil picks up with laughs in the background, saying a chirpy and enthusiastic ‘Hi Danny!’ before Dan all but looses it, sniffling and shakily sobbing as he stutters out ‘Da-addy.. scary..’ It’s all he can manage around the thumb now hooked between his lips, and Dan can almost feel Phil’s frown over the phone as his voice softens and he moves away from the laughter that had been the background noise, the sounds fading away.
‘Baby-? Shh, come on it’s okay.. I’ll be home soon to look after you.’ Dan simply hums in response, curling his legs up to his chest and hugging them tightly. He wanted his stuffies and blankie, but he couldn’t move- what if the big bad monsters were there! Dan only snaps out of his thoughts when he hears the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, making him squeak and bury his head in his knees.
Suffice to say, it isn’t a big bad monster, but instead Phil, who smiles sadly at his baby’s curled up form, slowly moving toward him having flicked pretty much all of the lights on in the apartment, knowing that would settle Dan somewhat. ‘Danny, it’s just me darling..’ He crouches beside him, slowly kissing his forehead. A soft sniffle leaves Dan, and he slowly blinks up at Phil, making grabby hands up at him.
‘What’d I tell you about playing scary games huh?’ Dan sinks in to Phil’s embrace, a flush lighting the tips of his ears as he blinks up at him with glassy eyes, placing his thumb between his lips and giving a half hearted shrug. He just hoped he wasn’t in trouble. Phil seems to let it go, though, knowing that Dan just wanted reassurance that everything was alright, so he picks him up and sets him on his hip. ‘Alright, let’s get you something warm to drink and then we can cuddle, hm?’ Phil looks to Dan’s thumb in his mouth and reaches over to the desk drawer, handing him the light blue pacifier from in there.
Phil easily walks in to the kitchen with Dan in his arms, humming softly. He sits him on the counter, proceeding to warm some milk up in a glass in the microwave. ‘Sippy or bottle, baby?’ Dan audibly sucks on the pacifier, hands tangling in Phil’s jumper as he steps between his legs, and Phil moves to coax the paci from between his lips. ‘Danny, talk to me baby, use your big words.’ Dan’s eyebrows crease, and he lets out a slow sigh. ‘Want bottle.’ Phil places the pacifier back in Dan’s mouth with a nod.
After that Phil fills one of Dan’s bottles - a baby pink one- and hands it gently to him before carrying him up to their room. He gets them settled on their bed, going to the drawer containing all of Dan’s little things and gently giving Dan his favourite blanket, and his winnie the pooh stuffie. He moves to turn the light off, but Dan makes a disgruntled sound.
Phil puts the night light on beside the bed, flicks the light off, and crawls in to bed with his baby.
One where P moves into the flat 2 doors down from D, and they always see eachother at the same time in the morning to go to work, and sometimes have little conversations, but they both start to develop crushes on eachother and one day phil asks dan out for dinner and they have a cute dinner and get to know eachother, and then they go back to their building together and when D is goin into his flat, phil says something lke where are you going? the dessert is in my room ;) (you're both gr8 btw)
(I feel like I didn’t give this justice, but enjoy nonetheless. This is literally 475 words of me rambling; I’m sorry.)
It had first started when Dan had gone to get the Saturday mail, a boring job when he could have been scrolling through tumblr instead, but maybe someone had sent an urgent email or a surprise package- though he highly doubted it. Said surprise package came in a way he didn’t quite think however as he bumped in to a black haired, blue eyed man on the stairs, lugging boxes up with sweat on his forehead.
The box that the man had been holding had clattered straight to the floor, though luckily the contents of the box seemed to have stayed in tact and the man managed to catch it with his foot. Dan’s cheeks had flushed and he stuttered out a reply before pausing upon hearing the man laughing.
It was a sound he wanted to hear again, Dan had soon decided. He ran in to the man who had introduced himself as ‘Philip Lester but I prefer Phil’ on a daily basis on his way to work, and the two would have small conversations, usually about the weather or some kind of form of small talk.
Now don’t get him wrong, Dan despised small talk, but Phil always seemed to make it interesting with all the stories he had connected to each subject the two ended up talking about- like how he wanted to be a weatherman and that’s why he was so interested in the weather. It seemed boring to Dan most of the time, but with Phil he laughed and smiled along nonetheless.
Suffice to say, Dan was completely infatuated with everything Phil, and after months of flirting between the two, Phil finally asked Dan out on a date. Dan thought it would be somewhat awkward, but with Phil planning it all it was easy going.
They sat and talked for an hours in a quaint little restaurant with fairy lights lining the windows and draping down from the ceiling, dim candle light being the mood lighting for the evening. The two had talked and talked, Dan more often than not wearing a light blush speckled over his cheeks.
On their way back to the apartment building, the two were holding hands, laughing and talking under the stars. Dan grumbles the whole way up to their floor, naturally because their apartment doesn’t have an elevator, why Dan cannot even begin to understand.
As they reach Phil’s door, Dan gives him a short wave of goodbye, but as he moves to his own door two doors down from Phil’s, Phil states rather boldly “Where are you going, the dessert is in my apartment.” Dan looks back with a flush on his cheeks and Phil winks at him before leaving the door ajar to let Dan in after him.
Suffice to say the neighbours weren’t about to get sleep any time soon.
