Totally Platonic- Phan Week Day 4
A/N- Day four of Phan Week- Fake Dating! This story is in Phil’s perspective. In this fanfic, however, there is some mild swearing and a few offhanded comments made by an ignorant antagonist about bisexuality. Other than that, I don’t think that there’s anything to bother someone is here, but if a problem occurs, just contact me and I’ll take care of it. Enjoy!
Milk, eggs, bread, cereal, marshmallows… I check off everything on my mental grocery list. What was it that Dan wanted? Pomegranate? He might have said papaya, but I put a pomegranate in the cart just in case. If it’s not what he wanted, I’ll eat it.
I’m just about to get in line to check out when I see her and stop dead in my tracks.
I turn around and push my cart in the other direction. Okay, I’ll just put all this stuff back before she notices-
“Phil? Phil Lester? Is that you?”
I turn again to face her. She looks just as I remember her with her elegant gold curls and stellar blue eyes that don’t seem to miss a thing. To my relief, I feel no spark, just crippling, palpable awkwardness.
“Rachel, hi,” I say. “I haven’t seen you in… since uni.”
“I know!” She kisses my cheek. “How’ve you been? Did you put that master’s to work?”
“Well, my friend and I are doing YouTube now-”
“No way! You can make a living off of YouTube?”
I shudder. I hate this question with every ounce of my body. “Yeah. We’re also doing some radio.”
“So, you seeing anyone? Or are you still heartbroken over me?” She winks, meaning it as a joke, but I don’t take it that way. I was heartbroken over her for a good six months after she called it off. And as much as I hate to admit it, I still think of her a lot more than I should.
My mouth acts before my brain does. “Actually, I’m into guys now.” What the hell did I just say?
“Oh, Phil, you scoundrel!”
“Yeah, so I’m completely and utterly over you.”
“Aww that’s good. I’m engaged.” She flashes a large diamond ring on her left hand in front of my eyes. “You remember Thomas Fleming? From uni? He went to medical school right after. He’s a doctor.”
“Congratulations,” I say, meaning it. Rachel’s always deserved more than me—a doctor, not a YouTuber.
“We’re actually throwing a little soiree to celebrate,” she continues. “At that new bar downtown. Hey, you and your boyfriend should come! It’ll be great to see everyone!”
“Alright, well I’ll see you Saturday night at eight then! I can’t wait to meet your special man!” With a flip of her curls, she saunters out the door.
“My boyfriend?” I whisper to myself.
“Your boyfriend?” Dan repeats, looking up from his laptop, after I explain my situation. “There is no way in hell I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend.”
“Dan, please,” I say. “I can’t just show up without someone, and there’s no one else I can ask.”
“I swear to God, Phil, I don’t know how you end up in these situations.” He shakes his head.
“It came out! I didn’t want her to know that I still have a few tiny-twingy feelings for her.”
“And what if a fan sees us? Then what?”
I sigh. “I don’t know. I’ll come up with something. Besides, we don’t have to be all PDA. Just let me hold your hand in the bar and let me buy your drink or something.”
He closes his laptop and lets out a long defeated breath. “You’re totally buying my drink.”
Dan and I walk to the bar, briefly stopping to begin holding hands a few buildings down. “You’re doing it wrong,” he hisses at me, taking my hand differently.
“I’m trying!” I whisper back, squeezing his hand as hard as I can. He squeezes mine back harder.
“Phil!” Rachel comes up to us as soon as we walk in and order some drinks. “And you must be…”
“Dan,” Dan finishes, holding out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Rachel.”
“You too,” she says, shaking it. “I must say, Phil, you never struck me as gay or whatever the hell you are.” She bursts out laughing.
Dan and I laugh politely with her. “Bi, actually,” I say. “It’s when someone likes both sexes.”
“So they can’t make up their minds!” She starts laughing again.
We don’t laugh this time. “It’s more like liking multiple flavors of ice cream,” Dan says.
“Oh, you’re bi, too?” Rachel asks. And just like that, every feeling I’ve ever felt for her evaporates like an ice cube in the desert.
I can sense Dan getting angry; he hates talking about personal details like this, especially to strangers. There are some things it took me a year to get out of him. He speaks through gritted teeth. “I don’t know what I am. All I know is that I love my little Philolion.” He squeezes my hand with an extreme amount of force.
“Well, thanks for the education! I’ll drift back later!” She gives me a kiss on the cheek, and I feel absolutely nothing.
“Well, if I’m allowed to say so, that woman is a bitch.” Dan takes a huge gulp of his drink.
“She’s an ignorant spork,” I agree. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”
“It’s okay,” he says, taking another sip. “You couldn’t possibly have known-”
“Phil!” Rachel calls from the bar. “Come talk to Thomas!”
Dan and I collectively sigh before sitting at the bar with Rachel and Thomas. After greetings and handshakes, Thomas says, “So, tell me what you’ve been doing with your life.”
“Oh, we’re into the creative arts,” Dan says. We kind of describe YouTube and Radio One without explicitly telling them about YouTube and Radio One.
“That’s great, very great,” Thomas says. “Are you two living together?”
“Yes,” I reply. “We have an apartment a few blocks over.”
“That’s nice,” Rachel says. “Thomas and I are looking at this one apartment down that way. It’ll be a great place to start a family. Are you guys thinking of adopting or anything?”
Dan, don’t say anything you’ll regret, I try to plead to his conscious through mine, but he can’t hear it.
“You understand that some of these questions you’re asking are very personal?” Dan says. “I’ve never met you before and you’re asking me things that I don’t share with the people I’m closest with.”
“I was just curious. I mean, you and Phil have probably talked about these things-”
“Because he’s my best friend! You’re a stranger, and if you think I’m going to open up to you about my personal life, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Phil’s just your best friend?” Rachel says, crestfallen. She looks to me. “I thought you were dating.”
But before I can finish, Dan’s coming up to me. “You know I must love you,” he whispers harshly before colliding his lips into mine.
I feel a thousand different colors at once. And in this instant, in one fleeting, terrifying instant, I think, Wow, maybe I am into guys.
He pulls back and looks to Rachel. “Congrats on the engagement.” He then takes my hand and leads me out of the bar; I am still in a daze, imagining his lips on mine.
He walks so quickly away from the bar that I struggle to keep up with him. “Dan-”
He stops and looks at me. “Who says your best friend can’t be your boyfriend?” Then we’re kissing again, and Rachel and Thomas and the prejudice and everything else is gone, and it’s just me kissing my best friend in the middle of the street.
Dan pulls back a fraction of an inch and smiles. “This was totally platonic, by the way.”
I smile back. “Oh, totally. Totally platonic.”
