Anyone else deal with sort of.. Anti-phantom limbs? Or anything vaguely similar?
I specifically as a headmate am missing a whole arm. My physical body, however, is absolutely not missing an arm. I don't use it as much as the rest of my system by default either, I am personally better adapted myself to using a singular arm and my legs/mouth to do daily life things. It's a little funny, I find my systemmates getting confused as to why I'm doing things in convoluted ways because they just... forget I've gotten used to having one less limb. That's all fine and able to be handled, but I also can't seem to "connect" to the new arm right? I can move it, I can feel it fine, but when I front, that arm hurts or feels very uncomfortable. It feels heavy and stiff and just.. wrong.
I'd love to enjoy the fact that I have all my limbs intact here. I sure learned to live without it but it's nice to have it back anyway! But my brain seems to be wired to still be used to having nothing there. It's almost like I've been getting phantom limb pain... in a limb that is actually literally there.
A few others in my system get similar things on a smaller scale--birds who have no external ears feeling like our body doesn't have any, or feeling physical discomfort in our human-bodied ears. People who feel like our number of fingers is wrong so they tend to use them as "groups". I'm the first with such a big difference in recent memory, though. I'm just wondering how common it is.
Thinking about the kind of phantom sensations that a mech/AI could generate while connected to your neural interface.
Ghost touches of fingers tracing over your skin, hands grasping at your body, lips pressing against yours, teeth and claws sinking into you.
And it's plugged directly into your brain, so it's effectively got full access to your body map, right? So what about engaging with body parts you don't actually have?
Ghost touches running over horns, ears, wings, tails. Phantom fingers running through fur you know you don't have.
Touches along genital configurations that don't match your flesh body.
Limbs you've never felt before intertwining with others, being penetrated in holes you know you don't have.
What unique intimacy that would be. Phantom body parts that only your digital partner can engage with.
WHAT'S THE GIG?... a kiss was the start of this cannibalism, and now that he's had a taste of you, he simply cannot let you go. and what's better than cannibalism, if not sheer devotion?
featuring... incubus!tamsy x black!reader.
WHAT'S THE MOTION?... DD:DNE. supernatural themes. mentions of marking. mention of cunnilingus. lmk if i missed anything! warnings will be specific to each part, so be sure to read them as you progress!
luvrs note... : no, this is not a cannibalism fic/story, i used that as a metaphor (just in case people get confused). also: tamsy is prime dd:dne material in my eyes, so a lot of things i post for him will either be of that genre or generally a harsh contrast to what i write for everyone else.
other parts... part one. part two. part three. part four.
for nights, the same dream has visited you.
you wake up in a room - the same as your own - except something small is always off. maybe your lamp doesn't work. your door's creaked open, when you know for a fact you closed it before laying down. maybe a pile of laundry is folded, or your water bottle is moved elsewhere.
and for the past four nights, all of those things have happened.
the first night, you "woke up". got up like usual - but it was still dark out. after failing to go back to sleep, you decided if you were gonna be up, it'd be best to be productive. to do something with yourself.
which, obviously, started with you turning on the lamp on your beside table.
or trying to, anyway.
it wouldn't turn on. even when you tried unplugging it, plugging it back up again. turning the knob on it round and round, it never worked.
thinking nothing of it, you decided to turn on your overhead light, and leave your room to do the dishes you know you left for the morning.
or, try to leave your room.
the knob wouldn't turn.
that was when your head really started racing, 'cause you usually closed your door. never locked it. and nobody else lived with you to lock you in it - not that the damn knob had a lock on the other side, anyway.
and when you turned around, now focused on convincing yourself to go back to sleep, you were met with a man on your bed.
tall, slim, draped in robes and long, two-toned hair. navy blue hid behind platinum blonde, matching blonde eyes to match. long lashes blinked at you, all pretty and cat-like before he simply murmured, "something wrong, doll?"
like nothing, your nerves slipped away.
you no longer felt panicked. on the contrary, you felt calmer. almost saved, despite not knowing the first thing about this man - outside of his appearance.
shaking your head, you pad over to the bed slowly - almost naturally - before sitting to the side of him. "...not anymore." you'd say, voice small as you situate yourself to sit criss-crossed beside him.
and for what felt like hours, the two of you talked. you told him your name, your worries, your routine, about your family, and things you loved. you told him all about you. and by the time the sun was rising?
he'd found himself between your legs. tongue exploring your clit and pussy entirely, learning your ins and outs with minimal effort.
but by the time you'd reached your orgasm - by the time the sunlight would finally hit your window - you'd find yourself gasping awake on your bed.
panties removed, sheets strawn all over the place, and the wetness between your thighs leaking onto the single sheet that remained under you.
and you hadn't even got his damn name.
instinctively, you reach to turn on your bedside lamp - and it turns on.
no hassle, no unplugging and plugging it back, no constant clicking of the small knob under the shade.
just a simple reach and click.
like always.
glancing between the lamp and the wet spot beneath you, you sigh. it's all you really can do.
you weren't sure what exactly happened - as you finally left the bed, there were only so many memories of the man lingering in your head.
the phantom trail of his tongue never left, though.
you could swear you could still feel it at times. while brushing your teeth, washing those dishes surprise surprise, your door opened, organizing your fridge. you nearly orgasm all over again from the faux sensation while reading a book on the couch. for the record, it was about home economics.
and in the middle of your bath that night, as you prepared and pampered yourself for bed, you noticed two barely there marks on your inner thighs. they were hot to the touch, even once you got out of the bath. almost red against your skin.
dismissing it, you decided to pay it no mind.
once you finish rubbing the last of lotion over your skin - gently over the marks, as they burned from the contact - you were ready for bed.
The fact that the human brain has a hard-wired body map (or neuro-somatic blueprint) so much so that people born outside of that experience phantom sensations gives me questions.
Just looking at the binary, how do we all not have phantom phallus or phantom labia/vagina? If it’s because of signals to the brain whilst the binary sex is developing—then what about everything outside the binary like intersex, when everything doesn't "line up?"
A lot of what comes up is specifically around transgender people and their affirmative surgeries.
"Trans phantoms" exist: "bodily sensations of gendered body parts that a person was not born with (i.e., a phantom penis experienced by a trans man, or a phantom vagina experienced by a trans woman)" which is distinctly different from dysphoria. "TGD [transgender and gender diverse] individuals, of course; cisgender people are also capable of experiencing gendered body parts with which they were not born, though such reports seem to be far less commonplace and anecdotal."
These phantom sensations need to be treated with external treatment, btw. The phantoms can include gendered parts instead of primary or secondary sex characteristics such as lips, hips and thighs. There was an "other" option which I imagine means shoulders, butt, possibly tummy, and maybe even feet and hands, and facial features.) Erotic sensations are a big part here also.
I hope this et al does another study with the expanded and more specific parameters they want.
Can't access, The Injured World: Intersex and the Phenomenology of Feeling
For my transmasc audience: Phantom Penis: Extrapolating Neuroscience and Employing Imagination for Trans Male Sexual Embodiment
Four pages of google and this is the specific intersex focus: CRIPPING INTERSEX pdf, Neurological Considerations for “Nerve-Sparing” Cosmetic Genital Surgeries Performed on Children with XX Chromosomes Diagnosed with 21-Hydroxylase Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia and Clitoromegaly, and this video, Exploring Intersex with Hilda Vioria. No phantom mentions I could find.
Societal gender structures seem to play a big part in the trans phantoms, so how is that different in a different set of societal genders, and how would it change if we dropped all this gender essentialism shit?
But then also, do otherkin or non-human alters experience phantom sensations? The predictive processing extending to physical sensations seems to imply that.
What I've been able to find on message boards/forums thus far:
r/Intersex: Anyone else struggle with phantom peen syndrome?
r/Intersex: periods in intersex people?
This reddit comment: "i do sometimes experience a phantom penis. i don't want to explain it in detail but i will say i'm also alterhuman and experience phantom appendages like a tail and wings and my phantom penis feels about the same as those."
This tumblr post
... I may have discovered something about myself today... but my eyes feel weird so Imma go ahead and put that on hold.
If anyone finds other articles or wants to/feel comfortable to share their feelings and/or experiences, I invite you!
