"Oh, good afternoon. Is that Mr Jayce Talis?"
"It is. With whom am I speaking?"
"This is Bruun from the Piltovan Society of Friendliness. I'm calling you today to ask you about your ways of showing you care for your friends. Is that okay?"
"Oh, yeah. What would you like to know?"
"Well, would you give them a cup of sugar if they needed it?"
"Great! How about - would you go out of your way to pick them up after a night out?"
"Fantastic! You're so friendly!"
Jayce grins down the phone.
"Would you let them stay overnight?"
"Same bed, or the couch?"
"Frequent hugging while asleep is friendly, right? Especially when he fits so well in my arms."
"Then the answer is yes!"
"You seem extremely friendly. Uh...anything else you'd do for a friend?"
"Not sure...um...commit necromancy to bring them back from the dead? Kill them because the other him tortured you in a ravine for some unknown amount of harrowing time, and he told you to? Because I assure you I keep my promises to my friends! Having a big, huge, sexy fight, and then have another big fight where he tries to assimilate you into his hive mind collective, but all you can think is, 'hey, Viktor, baby!' and disappear off into the Arcane together? That what you're after?"
"Oh...um. Maybe? Can I ask - is there a particular friend you have in mind?"
"Actually, yes. He's my work associate."
"Your 'work associate'?????"
"Sure! 'cause that's how work colleagues behave towards each other. Right?"
Interviewer notes down denial, and then hangs up.
"Well that wasn't very friendly. Wonder what Vik's doing?"
