Just recently found a piece of information about myself
So I found out on this college break about my lineage. Actually, it's nothing fancy whatsoever, and nothing that holds prestige whatsoever in this current society. Besides, there are probably hundreds - or thousands people in this country that may share the same bloodline as myself.
So I apparently am (or would be) an Rr. Though it is in itself literally nothing as I have mentioned, it is still something to know that you are distinctly related to a king of some sort. Although it hasn't been descended to me yet because it hasn't been written in my clan's family tree (hell I didn't even know I belong in a clan)
It was from Mataram sultanate, I don't really understand but from what I know, Mataram sultanate is the kingdom before it is broken down into Yogyakarta and Surakarta Sultanate. So I descend from some king in Mataram Sultanate, whose son doesn't make it to be a successor whose children will be princes and princesses and continue to rule in Yogyakarta and Surakarta.
I understand that a lot of people nowadays don't really care about those kind of title, much less use it. Some even ashamed to put an R. in front of their name. "it's too feudal." They say. Well it probably is an embolism of feudalism, and people simply chose to disregard it and live their daily life as usual. Because javanese nobility customs and powers don't really work nowadays, except in the inner-keraton environment that have an actual ruler who-well-still rules. In essence, it holds no significance at all whether to possess or not to possess a title. All people live as a common citizen now. Power and wealth are mainly decided through intelligence, hard work, and the way pursuing it. I've seen a lot of family that live in severe poverty, even when they have noble ancestry.
Yet then again, i wonder, were I know this earlier, would I be prouder of myself? would I look for people that share the same bloodline as me? would I find out more about javanese tradition? would I learn how to speak 'kromo'? etc etc.
If that's the case, I am grateful of knowing and not knowing about this matter. I am relieved of my initial ignorance, and also thankful of my awareness later on. Because what good does it do had I known earlier? when I was still very unwise and impulsively acting my judgement.
But I am quite grateful I sort of figure it out. Because it gives me some sense of understanding, some sense of self-acknowledgement of what, how, and where from I really am. I think I become more aware of my own ancestor, and also my own culture. Yes culture which is deteriorating nowadays with all the universality, globalization, and stuffs. I realize that I don't know 'hanacaraka' at all, can speak barely a comprehensive sentence of even javanese 'ngoko', Don't understand any tradition in the family and just doing tradition for the sake of 'tradition', and so on.
And suddenly I felt really ashamed. Even more so now that I know my lineage. I feel like an ignorant person who doesn't respect his upbringing.
Because I think, in the end it's not about what a title can give to you. It's about what you can do and contribute to live up to that title. And how can I live up the title when I am unaware of lingering cultures that surround me which barely even exist anymore, standing in line to be extinct, yet yearning to be preserved?
I just hope for people, myself included, to be more aware of what we actually have, and how we are losing it.
And try to start. One step at a time.
