#pio-birb

[realmirrorspock]

Hello first officer spock of what is colloquely known as the mirror universe.

I have a deeply important question from our own universe.

Often those of us who have managed to come into contact with your universe's versions of ourselves frequently describe the alter version as "evil and sexy"

(this or similar verbage shows up in only two official reports but appears in roughly 87% of personal accounts)

This brings forward a few very important scientific questions,

1) do you view yourself as both "sexy and evil", neither or perhaps just one?

2) is an effort made to present yourselfs in this way or is it a cultural norm?

3) lastly and most importantly. Are... Are we evil and sexy to you guys over there?

-Cadet Ädiya, from the science department.

Your scientific survey is most interesting. For the sake of your results, I have interviewed the four inhabitants of my universe who visited yours and compiled their answers in the following document.

None of the respondents identified with the word 'evil', but they proudly announced their sexiness.

All of the respondents claimed to 'wake up like this'.

Responses varied when asked to describe the inhabitants of your universe: "nae, more like pathetic and weak", "annoying as fuck", "why Mister Spock, I did find your counterpart quite sexy" and "I have better things to do than answer your stupid questions, you damned hobgoblin".

As for me, after learning more about your universe thanks to this cultural exchange project, I believe you are quite adorable and inoffensive. Tribble-like.

I hope this is useful to your research, Cadet Ädiya. I wish I could provide you with more datapoints, but the existence of your universe is being kept a secret by my captain.

[mirrorjtkirk]

Ayo this u?

Who let you out of the booth?

But, yeah. Except i took the sleeves off my vest again.

[ambassad0r-sarek]

...........

Eggs for u

... fascinating.

It is not clear to me if I should thank you for this ...addition to my collection or simply leave it as is.

Live long and prosper, Pio.

[realmirrorspock]

Hello Commander spock, I have for you a gift.

Just a lil gift :)

Here is a gen-u-ine leather collar with some lovely big ol spikes,

A headband with some cute husky ears with a matching tail!

Very normal tail that attaches in exactly the normal way you would expect it to...

You should really try these on I think :)

No particular reason, just might like to see what all the fuss is about you know!

Oh and would you look at this, that nice spiked collar of years that I just gave you, came with this very nice matching leash.

I don't suppose your mind if I hold on to it. :)

I appreciate your intentions, but I have no use for these. You may keep them.

[Kirk is close enough to hear the exchange, and looks over at them. He smiles.]

Oh, I think we'll be keeping them. They'd look good on you, wouldn't they? Thank you, Ensign. No need to hold on to anything. You're dismissed. So, Mister Spock, what are you waiting for?

[mirrorjtkirk]

....glue on the captains chair...

Really s t ro ng glue

The that'll probably rip pants off.

[He's sat the whole shift, as always, with a leg crossed the other. He gets up, and his pants rip off, but no one dares allow themselves to laugh. He sends two crewmembers to the booth for chuckling.

He storms off with his butt out, thinking about elaborate and creative ways to torture whoever did this.

People stare at his ass

He finds @pio-birb with a tub of glue on their person]

Come with me, ensign. Come on, I'm not mad.

[He starts by stabbing toothpicks under their nails, slowly...]

[realmirrorspock]

Something is wrong in the air of the science lab this morning. (Or rather this Alpha shift)

Some of These things may be readily apparent, others not so much...

Every single pad has had its touch screen controls fliped.

One of the terminals on start up plays an old terran music video on loop non stop and incredibly LOUD.

The few physical pens in the room have had their ink swapped out for a neon glittery pink.

Each chair has either a whoopie cushion on it, a air horn under it or a scattering of tacks. One has nothing on it but when you sit on it you can smell colors.

There are googly eyes. On. E v e r y t h i n g.

Each size of glove has been moved around to the wrong box and if you put one on its wet.

Hidden somewhere in the lab is a small device sending out pulses at irregular intervals that briefly activate any personal agonizers in the room.

The blade of every implement has been replaced with a tin foil replica.

The water cooler is full of something that is not water but probably won't kill you.

At least three drawers are rigged to spray glitter upon opening and more than three spray a non Lethal acid.

That part about something being wrong in the air...? Not a lie... It smells a bit strange. Kinda sweet, kinda like candy.

Like chocolate.

[Spock comes into the lab at the beginning of his shift, wanting to check on some of his experiments before heading to the bridge.

The smell is the first thing he notices. Someone must have been eating there during gamma shift, he'll have to have a talk with them. But the smell is too strong for that, and it's not localized to one area. Could they be trying to get him drunk? He grabs a respirator mask, just in case, placing it on top of the surgical mask that he has been wearing to hide his lack of beard. He finds out too late that there are two googly eyes obfuscating his vision.

Before he can even think of finding whoever is responsible for this, loud music starts blasting from one of the computer terminals, making him jump. At least there's nobody there to see it...

He's had enough. Spock walks up to the control panel by the door to check who has come in before he did. But all the controls have been rerouted to something else, and instead he manages to lock himself in. He tries to cut the wiring with a small knife, only to have the blade bend out of the way of the wires.

Furious, he kicks the door, breaking it open. He'll find out who did this, and he'll kill them with his own two hands. Logic and Vulcan stoicism are the last things on his mind right now.]

[realmirrorspock]

🥰👈 it works! tomato touches me

[Spock is just entering a rec room as he hears this. He exits without a word. He did not want to witness this.]

(OOC context based on Mirror Bones's mod accidental emoji keysmash)

[realmirrorspock]

This u buddy?

This is a mockery of my image.