"ay yo tell us all the reasons that Pirate is the top-tier most smoochable boi in your eyes"
(me, if I were a deep sea telescope fish, upon seeing this ask in my inbox /pos)
OKAY. SO UH. To save all who read this, im going to do this in bullet format so to minimize the risk of there just being a Humongous Wall Of Text. Also, I don't know how to add a 'read more' on mobile, so I'm sorry about how long it is regardless.
Reasons That Pirate Is The Top-Tier Most Smoochable Boi In My Eyes
Okay, so why is he so goddamned cute?????
I'm nearly in literal tears everytime i see a picture of him... He's so fricking cute.
I smile everytime I see or read that he's smiling.
And he has such a beautiful eye color! A warm, rusty red, his iris is black, and his pupil is white. Oh, gorgeous... So gorgeous.
I want to cup his face in my hands and tell him that in doing that, I'm holding my world in my hands.
He just looks so soft and holdable. I want to hold him. Not just his hands (which, btw, are so very cute~!) but all of him. I want to be the big spoon and cuddle him and hhhhhhh. he is so cute and soft lookingggg! Me want hold. (update: *hand. If he'd like, I can design him a hand. Or hook, if he wants. Or both! he can interchange 'em :) For the material of it, I was thinking an arsenic-free alloy consisting of cold-cast bronze and aluminum.)
i bet his lips are soft too... Really soft,,, I would very much so like to smooch him 👉👈 idc if we kiss and his lips are a little dry because of the beach air or the salty sea. I just want to kiss him. Above water and under water. (actually he likely uses chapstick... What flavor of Chapstick does he use..?) (Update again: mwah mwah >3<. yeehaw. he was not wearing Chapstick because he had just woken up so... Next time. but hhhhhhh. the rp. kissie kissie in rp :D)
I would literally swoon/happy panic (is it a gay panic if I'm male But Also female?... Pansexual panic) receiving his good morning and goodnight texts. Or just almost any text from him for that matter... Basically, it'd go like this. Every time.
Sweetie Pie (Pirate): Good morning 💖
Me irl, before replying: ASDFGHJKL bro he so cute,,,,,!?
No but, for real: he so cute. How so cute?
The way he shows his trust... Being around someone with his gloves off and or his eyepatch off. An unspoken, subtle show of him trusting that you won't judge or think less of him.
I love his interests asdfghjkl. I've been hyperfixated on marine life and the ocean since 2nd grade. idk how long I've been interested in pirate stuff. It started before Pirate101, which was made in 2012, that just helped me express it. My grandma used to tell me she wanted to be pirate, so I think it was around when i was 4 or 5 that I began thinking pirates were awesome. hhhhhhhhh me want ramble about nautical stuff with him.
me want ramble with Pirate pls.
And Please. Please, let me introduce him to Pirate101. It was the center of my pirate phase when I was younger, which by the way, never died and Pirate just nursed it back to health. I'll pay for his Pirate101 membership. We will co-op fight our enemies together. The big bad stands no chance.
his aestheticccc. fucking Superb!!! Aw, man.... Seeing him dress in his pirate attire gives me Confidence. I would like to dress up a bit more extra. My aesthetic is either tired nerd with a decent closet or near full on steampunk techwear depending on how I feel. He makes me want to dress in more steampunk techwear.
lkjhgfdsa ANYWAYS. His aesthetic!!! I love seeing art of him wearing his aesthetic. Everytime I show my friends his drip they're like, "wow, he looks so fancy," and like, yes he do. His drip is fancy in that old way, which has then been stolen and worn by a pirate. And basically, that's the pirate drip. Except, unlike your average pirate wearing fancy vintage clothes, Pirate isn't dirty. Pie's clean and they smell very nice.
And the reason he likes pirate paraphernalia is just,,,, yessir! Yes! You love that ocean, bro! The ocean loves you too :) and so do I.
and he's a trans icon :) and not only that, he goes by he/him and they/them pronouns. Amazing!!
iiiii would die and revive for a trip to a store with candles/perfumes/colognes just to look for what I imagine Pie smells like. Odd? Okay, perhaps. but listen. I would die and revive for someone irl to love me like Pirate would. If i buy that scent, you best believe im either spraying the perfume/cologne on some of my pillows and clothing or lighting that candle whenever wherever. Anxious? Lonely? Sad? Empty inside? Pirate's scent fixes all, my friend. a lifehacc, if you will.
I know he has a slight accent, although he suppresses it: i would love to hear it. And when he just wakes up or is drunk, man, oh man. pls, me want hear his accent. (WAIT. when he woke up after he got his arm fixed and i came in the room, was his accent more prevalent at that time? 👀)
I want him to trust me someday enough to not suppress things about himself, like his accent and his purring.
why does he suppress his purring, btw? that's so fricking cute why suppress that? Well, I mean, I know he's ashamed of the fact that he isn't human, and that most humans wouldn't want to be involved with a monster, much less, love and date one. but he's so cute tho. seriously, he could for real just be a scallop with sapience, but if he still was himself I would still fucking love him.
he allegedly gets some of his things out of the trash? yesss. (insert (non)gendered word of choice)boss, this is me: "bb, let's go dumpster diving imma get a ring out of there and use it to be engaged to u someday " terrible no-good very-bad date idea: let's go to the dumpster of Dunkin Donut's. (no but they actually throw away hundreds of perfectly fine donuts every damn night. mind-boggling.)
celebrating Spooky Month together would be great. I would wear whatever he designed, heck yessiree. Man, it would be so cute.
Maybe I'll add to this list later but I think I kept you waiting long enough :3
didnt manage to get all the flustered pansexual panics he gives me or how my thought-process goes everytime I fricking see him but this was a list more for reasons Pie is a total cutie. not me, my butterfly-filled tummy, and my incessant simping 👉👈
