Takes place between ‘Nightmare’ and ‘Hidden Feelings’
Sin wakes up in the middle of the night shaking uncontrollably and fighting off tears. She’s been struggling ever since she married Vin. The night before the wedding, Sin was haunted with thoughts of his beloved Wei, his soulmate. She was everything, she was supposed to be here with her. It’s been thousands of years.. Why hasn’t she moved on? Just like every night she has these nightmares, she scoops up Wei’s soul out of the soul bottle near her bed. She aches at the sight of her beloved’s soul, still bright and lively. Sin holds the soul close to his chest, breathing deeply as the soul pulses with a soft, eerie rhythm. Sin can’t figure out who she is anymore. She’s fluctuating between her identities, not letting herself settle on anything about herself. At this point, she can’t even decide what gender preference she currently has, and staying in a masculine form doesn’t help her feel comfortable at all. She could shapeshift to a woman again, then she’d feel alright, but she promised Vin she’d try to stay male for a while, she knows Vin wants a baby one day. Sin does too. Sin doesn’t know if it’s even possible for her to produce a child, but she has to try, for Vin, for her best friend.
What am I doing with myself.. I’m not happy anymore.
I don’t know who I am anymore, and I’m taking it out on Vin..
Vin deserves better.. Why can’t I just let him go?
“... Am I really that afraid.. Of being alone again?”
Everyday is just another fight. Sin knows that Vin still loves her, she can tell he doesn’t want to let things go, but she can tell he loves him more. Luis. Sin always thought Luis was a barrier in Sin and Vin’s marriage, but Luis makes Vin so happy. Sin isn’t happy, and neither is Vin, but she just can’t let him go. She’s not ready to be alone again. Yet here she is, making it harder for Vin to trust him.
“Wei I miss you.. But I sometimes wish your soul would just.. I mean wouldn’t things be easier if it just..? If I just was done with this.. Carefully watching your soul, contemplating when it will fade.. When I can consume it and end this grief.. When I can finally call things done.. But you’re still here. I can feel your heartbeat in the pulsing of your soul.. You’re still alive in there, somehow.”
“I wonder.. If you can hear me sometimes.”
“If you were alive now.. Would you still love me..?”
“Or would you throw me aside, like the despicable mistake that I am?”
Before she knows it, tears are rolling down Sin’s face. She carefully grasps the soul against her chest, sobbing as she contemplates her own words. She thinks about this all the time, constantly wondering if anyone will forgive him for the way she’s been acting. She isn’t treating Vin right, but every time she tries, it feels like something is making him act.. Wrongly. She wants to feel like herself again. Become her. She’s tired of being him. Tired of being the ‘husband’ and tired of being known only formally, only being known as ‘Lord Death’ and she wants to be able to feel like herself. But what can she do to fix herself after all of this?
Colored the God of Death, Sin, and her disguise, Grim!
I procrastinated for so long on drawing, my motivation has pretty much been zero lately despite being home for a whole week after being exposed to covid. Really wish I could get myself to draw more.
I think it’s going to be pretty rare to have some SinVin art, but there are a few scenes involving the two of them so!
Another exhausting day. Sin was always stuck in the Tree of Death manor these days, always getting reports of demon attacks, shooting threats, riots, and other chaos ensuing around Death City. Sin felt great pain in knowing how much he’s pushed his beloved wife away. He knows he’s lucky to have such a beautiful, caring wife, but it feels like he’s always abandoning his wife due to how much he works. He won’t mess up this time. He’s going to take his wife out for dinner and hopefully make things right. Upon entering his quarters, Sin is met with a sight he never wanted to see. Blood, and lots of it, all over the bedsheets, trailing towards the bathroom. From the doorway of the bathroom, Sin heard the shuddering sobs of his wife, naked in the bathtub, sitting in a fetal position with a bloodied towel hanging over the edge of the tub.
“Little bird, what happened? Are you alright?”
Through shaky sobs, Vin untangled his legs, revealing a large open wound on Vin’s breast and stomach, still bleeding profusely, blood draining into the tub. Sin wordlessly stands and turns on the bathtub’s showerhead, carefully rinsing Vin’s small, bloodied body in the bathtub before grabbing antibiotics and gauze from the cabinet. As he sets the medical supplies next to the tub, Sin switches the shower head off, turning on the facet to fill the tub with warm water, much to Vin’s confusion. When the tub fills halfway, Sin proceeds to turn on the showerhead once more, positioning it towards Vin’s head as he begins to lather up Vin’s hair with shampoo. Vin relaxes at the touch, sitting wordlessly as Sin washed his hair. When he finished, Sin carefully eased Vin out of the bathtub and into a large towel, quietly urging him to dry off as he headed back into the bedroom and brought back some of Vin’s comfiest clothes to get dressed. Sin carefully treats Vin’s injuries, then helps him get dressed before carefully picking him up and carrying him to bed.
“Please rest. You can tell me what happened later, but for now, you need to recover. I will let Carmen know that you’re injured so he can take care of your work while you recover.”
Sin carefully replaces the bloody bedcover, throwing away Vin’s bloodied clothes and the bloody bedcover before remaking the bed with fresh sheets and tucking Vin in quietly. As Sin goes to leave, he hears a small voice come from the bed.
“Please.. Don’t leave.. Come join me in bed, please. I don’t want to be alone.”
Without hesitation, Sin informs Melody through text that he will not be able to tend to work for the rest of the night, and he eases into bed where Vin curls up to his chest and falls asleep.
Between his affair with Luis and his marriage with Grim, things began to get complicated, and Vin felt compelled to back out of his marriage. Just as he was considering divorce, Vin realizes something.. And upon getting tested, discovers he is pregnant, by Grim unfortunately. He knew it wasn’t because of Luis, they were always careful and they hadn’t slept together at all recently anyways, their meetups were casual, though Vin always felt compelled to hold Luis’ hand or lean into him. He really felt safe with Luis. Now he’s pregnant, and he doesn’t really have a choice to back out, this child is the baby of a God, he couldn’t possibly get away now.
“What am I even supposed to do? I mean.. I’ve always wanted a baby, but right now Grim barely even looks at me! How could I possibly have his baby now?”
“How did he respond to the news? You’ve told him, surely?”
“He didn’t seem phased by it. I don’t think he cares. Somehow that makes things so much worse.”
As the months go by, Luis and Vin are forced to keep their meetings to a minimum. The two keep contact through social media and texts, and Luis often sneaks gifts for Vin when Grim won’t notice, but the distance between the two keeps getting wider. Eventually, Vin suffers a late term miscarriage. Even though he didn’t want this baby with Grim, he was still devastated. He had really grown to love this baby boy, had a name picked out and everything! Grim proceeded to not involve himself with Vin’s troubles following the miscarriage, he seemingly didn’t care about the miscarriage and Vin decided to go back home to the Tree of Life house to lock himself away from Grim. Vin didn’t speak with anyone but Carmen and Luis for months following his miscarriage.
