#plain writings

[salva-yourlife]

It’s worry some when you realize that you aren’t afraid to let her in even if she doesn’t believe in herself that she will stick around, you want it so bad that you are willing to let her in and leave certain memories on you and even after she leaves you know you won’t be mad at her because for the moment she was there...... god dammit did it feel right

[salva-yourlife]

Here it goes again

That feeling of being afraid

Afraid to love someone again so carelessly

not knowing how long they are willing to stick around

Or

how long it will take for them to figure out how big of piece of shit you really are

[salva-yourlife]

Life is complicated as it is So why do we chose people whom make it more complicated for us? Is it that they make us feel more alive with having to deal with someone else’s bullshit that will make us forget our own? Or is it that since you deal with their bullshit, they will eventually want to take care of your bullshit? Who knows, maybe that’s why they say life is a gamble? Maybe that’s why they say to take a chance on people and see what they give you… What if that person is giving you all the signs that they are toxic, they are life draining, making you change your ways, making you do things you wouldn’t even do for someone who has literally cried in your arms, screamed your name begging you not to leave…. Instead you rather see her crying, hear her talking about her own shit like if the world isn’t big enough and has bigger issues than just hers She still has the audacity to say that she didn’t do anything wrong, that she wants peace, she wants to be able to talk to me How can I allow myself to talk to someone who devalued my beliefs, my idea of loving someone, caring, attaching myself to someone who really wasn’t half She was just there trying to replace a void that she already knew was irreplaceable I was used like a fucking object to fix something that couldn’t be fixed Someone who does that doesn’t deserve the moon nor the stars…. she shouldn’t stay up so late hoping to see the moon kiss the sun goodbye because she thinks her love for him is quite the same

Unfinished drafts…

[salva-yourlife]

This is is where I find myself A open bar, wishing you’d be standing next to trying to hang with me since I would always out drink your baby ass ahaha I don’t know love, shit is just different now and I can tell just by the way we are talking It’s precious, you are still the same idiot that would go to Taco Bell with and say stupid shit to each other and then end up falling asleep next to each other…. I’d be lying if I told you, you never cross my mind when I’m faded

Fuck my life

[salva-yourlife]

Blurred waiting lines, sloppy conversations, stumbling footsteps, slurred speech Another round of drinks I’m finally going home I can’t walk past someone with your scent If there is a pup like yours I avoid from interacting with it because I just remember the late night dog walks on campus We just passed a car that looks like yours, everything feels so raw and alive Even a sunny state where it’s full of life, your arms surpass this temporary content Falling asleep in a room below zero with you talking to me till you fall asleep will beat any of my nights out here… I’m so ungrateful. Wishing for something that I don’t deserve, something I lost…. especially when I have something so many people would trade places for….

Hollywood

[salva-yourlife]

I really want you to know how much you are fucking with my head  when you do shit like this and I dont think you really care, that is the worst part I wish you would just say what you need to say and leave me alone  I cant write anymore with you back,  I dont think anything is good enough, You really dont deserve to read what I am feeling for the past months I've been writing effortlessly for the past couple of days all my writings have struggled and that is probably why you're doing what you do. Words would never leave your lips  the only thing that you let out are tears For once, i wish you would just say whatever it is you need to say  and leave it at that I wish i could make your phone light up with my name displaying and you pick up and the rest just falls together where we finally are able to not scream, not think its a game and finally not want to be a winner of someone who fucked something up decent that everyone thought would last I dont feel better that you're back, its more like a bother of what the fuck are you plan on doing now That is the part where I am left speechless of why I cant find the right words to fill these blank boxes with. That before, when you would come back I would imagine scenarios of what I would say if you texted me or if bumped into you  how I would just want to look in your dry eyes that cry too much when someone isn't there, and after you look into mine  you'd do this dumb shy act that anyone would find loving how I would try to start a normal conversation of how are the pretty fur babies I would imagine everything getting fixed and finally doing everything we planned on doing even if it was as two normal people just experiencing the world together How this lonely feeling that would go away when you'd hold me... its different now though.... there is something about you that even from me not being there knows it has gotten worse and it could've been prevented in its simplest of ways by telling you and asking "Hey love, i hope your day is good and have a good practice. I just want you to know I am there for you, when you get back we can just lay in bed and not worry about our responsibilities I wont say words but just lay there and hold you or you can even just squeeze me till everything comes out, if you want of course" I dont think I can see myself putting you before me anymore  so why love? why make all this effort?  if someone was to ask if i was really inlove with you I wouldn't know what to say besides "I guess we will really never know" the stars sometimes end up shining brighter than the moon

It wont happen like that anymore... 

[salva-yourlife]

I think loving someone in this time right now, being twenty-one, in college, about to start their life in some months, Is fucking overrated, I gave it my final shot at it But in all honesty, females don't care anymore to find someone who will better them or make them stride to be the best they can, all they think about is how many pictures and snapchats you guys can post and show off how much you supposedly care for eachother... Nor Do guys want a girl that will love them, be there for them, support them, and make them feel like they are the only guy that matters. All guys and girls want is to find someone to sleep with and forget them in the morning with some awkward incidents where you bump into them in this small ass college town What the fuck happened to taking someone out on a date rather than taking them to a bar for some drinks..... what happened to taking dates to the park, to a view point, to an arcade? Like what the fuck.... did guys really stop caring that much to impress a girl they thought was perfect or did girls just really start settling for anything that came their way?

Fucking kidding me

[salva-yourlife]

It is such a fucked up world when you have someone who literally wants you to be their world but you are too busy destroying your own.  I wonder why I can't run my hands along someone else's skin without regretting it Why I rather turn my back to her than hold her when she ask me to give her attention, it brings back too much She thought it would help if instead of kissing my lips, she would kiss my cheek and saying "goodnight" would finally put me to sleep before 4am. Instead, I just lay on my back and let everything I want to forget flood my thoughts till eventually it overwhelms me and I go to sleep  but it is already 8 by this time I have to go through the whole process of pretending I am interested in being in this town Eventually my mind will create a place wherever I am walking that i will stop to only smile like an idiot at a fucking tree and as soon as I lay my head in bed ill think of a better thing to smile at tomorrow.  Maybe the drugs she said would change me, are helping....

My 8am class