motivation for writing this: I am simping hard but can't find enough content
plot: Justhis meets Y/N a newbie rapper who is only good at getting on his nerves but she is also kind of cute
words: 1.7K
surprise: there might be a part 2. unless school kicks my ass, justhis speech is violet because I wanted to write a dialogue but I'm worried that it's confusing
tw: cursing because that's a human thing, Y/N is insecure
You had no idea why; why you had decided to meet outside when it was this cold. Your back was leaned against the blue LOVE sculpture in Myeong-dong as you nervously tapped your foot onto the ground, only getting more fidgety as the minutes passed. It was your first time meeting someone of his importance, to hell it was your first time in Seoul, your first time in South Korea even! And you weren’t even here to visit but to stay. You had already given up on all other options when you had moved out of your apartment because you couldn’t afford staying in two cities. Suddenly you were very aware of how stupid and rushed your reasons for coming here must sound to anyone rational.
Also suggesting to meet Justhis at the blue LOVE sculpture after you had been involved in a diss battle with him three months ago seemed very unfitting, but you pushed your negative thoughts aside. You had picked this place because it was remarkable and easy to find. It was okay. You unlocked your phone to check the time – 5 minutes left. About to lose your brain cells one by one you ran an ice hand over your face trying to keep it together. You put on Nafla’s sip slow, pulled up your knees to your chest and started bopping your head to the boombap. You slowly got those insecure thoughts out of your head as you recited the lyrics.
Then your phone buzzed with new IG messages from thisisjusthis. ‘Where are you?’ and ‘I’m in front of the blue statue, what are you wearing?’ You looked up, screening your surroundings and there he stood. One hand in his pocket, bunching up the fabric of his long black shirt, and phone in his right; searching. You tried not to get caught by his gaze as you gave him a once-over before you glanced back as another message lit up your display. ‘If you won’t tell me, can you stand up or sth? You’re there, right?’ You sighed. If there was one thing, you noticed, you were good at, it was getting at his nerves.
You self-consciously fixed your hair again before getting up and taking a step towards him. His eyes almost immediately flew to your figure, focusing, but he stood still. Shit, he was waiting and you were hesitating. You gulped hard and walked towards him, possibly giving him the most awkward smile, he’d ever seen. “H-Hi.” You were too frozen by the look he gave you to even curse, or be polite, or at least act normal. That inquiring stare just messed with you. Eventually Justhis gave in to your silence, taking the initiative: “Are you Y/N?” You fervently nodded your head. He smiled in slight amusement before leading you to a quieter place. “You know you will have to start talking to me? We can’t make a deal otherwise”, he taunted. Yeah, that’s what you were here for you remembered. To take rap lessons from Justhis and not to swoon over how he looked like the boyfriend you never had. You hmm’ed and he glanced at you, chuckling. “Is that a yes? You’re going to say something?” You nodded and bit your lip as you realized you had done it again. You needed to use words, like actual words. “Yes”, you firmly confirmed.
The two of you entered a small café, that was next to another, another and yet another café. Seoul was near bursting with café’s. You sat down at a table and you attempted a smile. A waitress came over to take your order and Justhis ordered two hot Americano’s. You hadn’t even noticed the menu. Excitement was getting the best of you today; you couldn’t sit still. The man opposite yourself rested his hands on the table, looking at you with interest. You felt the intense need to say something, perhaps to justify your silence or to apologize. You bit your lip, a nervous habit, and swallowed. You continued to sit there like prey. Your coffee arrived. More than glad for the distraction you took a big sip and burnt your tongue. The rapper chuckled, casually stirring his coffee. You shot him a death glare and muttered out ‘dick’. That’s how you started talking. Because of that annoying sparkle in his eyes whenever you embarrassed yourself.
“So, you want to take lessons from me, duh? First you diss me and then… you ask me to help you? Not that I should mind. I’m getting paid.”
You sighed. “I already told you that dissing you was a strategic move. You’re just so short tempered I just knew getting on your nerves was a perfect way to get a shoutout. I gained so many followers just by that.”
You giggled, being met by a not so welcoming expression.
“Oh, come on! I’m not the first person to pull this move. You never would have noticed me otherwise. Just see it as supporting a small rapper, okay? I wouldn’t even be here today if it weren’t for you!”
Still nothing.
“Do you really need me to kiss your ass? I like you. I like your rap style. I like your lyrics. I only said those things to provoke you because I am a small girl from the countryside, desperate for attention.”
Now a grin was plastered across his face, you groaned internally.
“I didn’t think you’d actually suck up to me that easily, but I guess we can work with that. How many lessons do you wanna take?”
“Four.” You were sure you wouldn’t be able to afford more. At least not at the moment, you still needed to find an apartment and most importantly a JOB. The thought of job hunting hovered over you like a black stormy cloud.
Justhis looked at you in surprise. “Four? You came all the way from Europe for four lessons?!”
“Shut up. Money is money, okay? Just tell me how much.”
“Six double lessons. 500€ no conversion fee.”
You looked at the rapper, feeling as if you were talking to a wall. It just wasn’t an option.
His voice softened as he saw the exhausted look on your face.
“Look Y/N, I know it’s a lot of money, but I am not demanding you to pay upfront. You said you want to improve but four lessons are going to get you nowhere.”
“Sure, but I can’t tie myself to such a contract. I have nothing here in Seoul. I can’t even stay at the hotel for too long because it’s expensive. I need an apartment asap and a well-paid job. I need financial steadiness before I can commit to pay 500€.”
Justhis looked contemplative, not mad though. You took that as a positive sign.
“Following plan: take two lessons every second week and once you settle down, we can do them weekly. You can back out anytime. 1 session - 1 deal. But if you want to cancel a lesson tell me in advance advance.”
You knew you had to come to an agreement, and it didn’t sound that bad. After all you had to hope that what he suggested would come true. You’d be screwed if it didn’t.
“Okay. Where? When? I’m currently free all the time”, you laughed but it sounded bitter.
“I usually meet students at my company studio but I admit I am quite busy these days and not there often. If you don’t mind, uhm, I’d tell you in advance and you can come to wherever I am?”
It was a foolish idea. It was a very foolish idea, being at his call. At his freaking fingertips. Yet, it was the first time he had acted shy when speaking to you. And you found it cute. You also knew that Indigo music was way too far away from where you planned to live to be convenient. So you agreed. And when he carefully asked whether it would be fine to not plan lessons ahead and just hold then whenever you also found yourself agreeing.
He smiled at you, boyishly as you found. You rolled your eyes and finally leaned back in your chair, relaxed, examining your now lukewarm coffee. You looked up at him through the sheer curtain of your untied hair, but he was already looking at you. Caught in your act, you got flustered and your stomach threw a tantrum when your gaze met his. You huffed out softly. He reached out his hand and you were expecting him to... No, no, no, you weren’t expecting anything. His tattooed hand wrapped around your glass.
“This is cold. Are you gonna finish this? Y/N?!”
Your head shot up. You stared at him with wide eyes as his words slowly trickled into your brain one by one and you belatedly started to nod your head aggressively. Fuck his handsomeness. Fuck your brain.
“Y—Yeah, g-give it to me.”
He smiled, pulled the coffee further from you.
“This?”
“Yeah, that one.” Fuck your heart that fluttered at the sparkle in his eyes.
He handed you the drink, he’d tease you another time.
“So, Y/N about your apartment hunt. If you need help with that, just tell me, you look like someone who would get lot easily”, he laughed quietly.
You bit your lip unconsciously, fidgeting with your hands. The offer surprised you, but you weren’t in a position where you could let your pride get in the way. He was right, you had 0.0 orientation sense and were unfamiliar not only with the city but also the huge underground system.
“I’m trying not to be butthurt because you are right. I need help. I’m looking at an apartment tomorrow and I am concerned that I won’t find it. It’s somewhere, anywhere, and I really need to be there on time because it’s near perfect. It even has a washing machine and an oven!”, you exclaimed.
Justhis thought you were kinda cute, getting excited over an oven. So he promised to take you there, without allowing himself to second doubt his decision.
You beamed at him, finally finishing your coffee. You must have tired him out you thought to yourself, but you were happy nevertheless. You got up to say your goodbyes, then walked to the cashier, together.
“I’m paying you can pay me back if you get an apartment. Thanks to me.”
He smirked and walked away.
“God, he’s so *ugh!*”, you fisted your hands, but wore a smile when you skipped out of the café.
a/n: I tried to keep Y/N neutral for now but it's ofc never really possible so if there will be a second part (IF xD) it will be necessary to describe the character further. I usually write for OC's but I decided to name her Y/N this time because this format is so popular. LOL
Please tell me I'm not the only one who always reads 'Y/N' as 'why-en' and treat her as an OC sometimes I even give Y/N a name like Gina. idk
As some of you already know, I’m very open about the way I feel, and lately I’ve been trying to ignore my true feelings and thoughts. But I’m getting tired of doing it.
I’m not happy.
I’m not sad.
I’m just here.
I know that the things we are living right now has a lot to do with the way I feel. Free time is killing me slowly... being surrounded by my family 24/7 is not great.
I’m more aware of my flaws, making it easier to hate myself... I have dealt with self harm since I was 15, luckily now I’m 2 months free of harm, but every day is a strong war with my mind to not do it, and even more when I have to deal with my scars.
I feel lonely, even when I’m with my family. I find them annoying and I get easily mad with them. I try to find comfort in the things I like to do, like drawing, writing, playing... but it’s not the same.
All I want to do is sleep.
I don’t talk with people about it because I feel it’s a waste of time. There are worst things happening around me and I feel that I’m a burden, just an annoying person trying to find attention.
sighs more deeply
Why I’m writing this?
DON’T BE LIKE ME!
Please talk with someone, find help! I’m in my way to do it, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, don’t let these dark thoughts consume you.
Reading your comments and talking with some of you really brightens my day! But just for a little, and I feel guilty for feeling this way, because you are some of the greatest people I know! And I know is my shitty mind playing with me.
So PLEASE, let’s all make a vow to search some help. Dark thoughts are not normal, harming ourselves is not normal.
Finding help and work in our mental health IS NORMAL. We are not weak for searching help, sometimes our bodies won’t cooperate with us and they need help from someone else, AND ITS COMPLETELY NORMAL!
It’s normal to feel a little down and stressed because of this quarantine, but if you ever feel a little bit odd or not yourself, try to talk with someone, there’s a lot of help online right now!
I’m someone who you can rely on, if you want to talk to... I know I’m not the best person you could do it, but I wont judge your actions and I’ll try to guide you to find help.
So please stay safe.
I love you guys and sorry for the super long post ❤️
That I really love you, and when I write, things just kind of happen, and I don’t want any of you to hate me, but right now I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable.
i'm sorry to hear about that critique, but i, for one, absolutely love your fics! there's something riveting about how you capture their perspectives and tell the tale that love isn't such an easy feeling to comprehend and that there aren't happy endings. keep up the work! i would love to see/read more. ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ
thank you thank you so much -- i’m definitely relieved to hear that people share my interpretation. thank you for the support!
