My Kingdom for a Tissue
Such a bad nose day. I’ve been sneezing non-stop, my nose a leaky, runny mess, and I’ve been reduced to blowing into an old t-shirt. Whether it’s allergies or a cold creeping in, something’s got my nose a goin!
I went to see an empty apartment—dust everywhere—and of course, my nose went into overdrive. I sneezed ten times in a row, walking around with that pre-sneeze tickle of doom. At one point, I literally had to pinch my nose closed, feeling the imminent eruption of a snot volcano.
And then it happened: “Ehhhhh-ehhhh-hapummmpphhh!”—right into my hand. Disaster. No tissue, no napkin, no hanky—just me, my sniffles, and a gooey mess of viscosity. I dashed to the bathroom. Empty. No toilet paper. Ehhhhh… ehhhhhh…another one - a big sneeze under construction.
I stood there, finger under my nose like a human dam, trying to hold back the tide. “A doze id deed in deed…” I muttered, barely coherent.
Then—salvation. I opened a closet and voilà! A stack of soft, glorious tissues, waiting like a gift from the nasal gods. I blew and blew and blew, even sneezed into a third tissue just in case. My poor, stuffed nose finally cleared, open for business once again.
Whoever stocked that closet… bless them. They must’ve known a sneezy soul was on the way.