You regret your actions towards those you have lost.
He walked down the streets of Seoul late at night, he took in his surroundings or at least what he could see past his mask and cap. He saw couples, a lot of them, some of them with their children, some of them holding each other tight with smiles on their face. He remembered how good you were with children, his heart ached but he couldn’t help but feel joy at the memory of you. He was unhappy seeing the couples they reminded him too much of his better, happier self. He was supposed to be happy. He should be happy, was what they told him. He had it all the fame, money and the adoration of thousands of people. What more could he possibly want? But it wasn’t like that for him, he wasn’t one to prefer material things over those he cared for.
He couldn’t be happy because he didn’t have you anymore.
Don’t dwell on your past was what they told him when he would relapse to his saddened state; and hear your voice call out his name or your figure in the morning sunrise. Or when your favorite song would play as he listened to music. Too much reminded him of you, especially during his walk tonight. He couldn’t handle it tonight, he promised himself he would keep his composure. They usually never let him go out at night by himself because that’s when he would feel you the most. And tonight of all nights it was especially difficult for the twelve boys to be convinced to let him go, but they understood he might need some alone time when they saw the redness and dark circles under his eyes; so they let him. He scrolled through his phone looking at pictures of you, pictures that he couldn’t bring himself to delete even if he had told the boys he did because he had to erase every trace of you.
He couldn’t forget you. No matter how much he told others he did, because in all honesty he wasn’t trying to forget you. He was trying to cling onto the memory of you. It was sad really. He had always been quiet and he often kept to himself but it never was to this extent, he was a lively person and his laugh was music to people’s ears. But it was all gone, any trace of the happy person he once was. When you left so did his happiness, his emotions, any ability he had to keep from being quiet. He stopped reading too. He hadn’t touched a single book in three months, he couldn’t bring himself to do so and escape to a made up world because that world wouldn’t be filled with you.
He continued walking, one hand in his long pea coat that kept his body somewhat warm and one hand on his phone. He walked through the busy streets of Hongdae, one of your favorite places to go in Seoul, as he readjusted the glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose so he could focus on where he was going. He smiled as he saw what he was looking for and where he was heading to, it was a favorite coffee shop of yours. He looked into the window of the cafe and the owner smiled at him. She felt saddened for the heartbroken boy so she’d give him a free coffee here and there. He didn’t really understand why you loved that cafe as much as you did since there were so many littered around the city. He didn’t care much for the place before but he learned to adore that place after you left, he found himself heading in there quite often to fill his emptiness with anything that reminded him of you, you who was miles away. The bell on the door of the cafe rang as he entered, he sat at the same back table you always dragged him to sit at. He placed his phone down and took off his coat and glasses, so he could go and order but before he could get up the owner placed two cups and a small red velvet cake at the end of the table.
He smiled up at the older women, she reminded him of his mother, “Thank you ma'am, how much do I owe you? Please let me pay this time around.”
“Nonsense son, you’ve been coming here whenever you can for the past three months. It’s on the house.” She smiled warmly at the boy who seemed to be on the verge of falling apart any minute.
“Thank you.” He said bowing his head slightly. It was scary to see him like that, the once joy filled boy whose smile could light up the world(as you’d like to say), no longer smile because he lost his world.
Three months. It had been three months since he lost you and it was all his fault because he let you. Three months since he heard your voice or saw your soft complexion that made his heart skip a beat. He let you go and he was in a pit of despair, all fraile and weak. Heartbroken would be an understatement, he was nothing without you, he didn’t want to live without you. He didn’t want this feeling, he thought he would’ve felt less alone than he did when he was with you but he was wrong. Yet here he was three months after it all ended feeling completely destroyed and lost beyond compare.
You? You were fine he assumed. You didn’t say much when it was done you stayed quiet, nodded your head, collected your things and left. It was odd because you were so heartbroken you wanted to yell, you wanted to scream, you wanted to sob uncontrollably; but you couldn’t. You were always strong in your emotions when it came time to show them, but this time around there was nothing but silence. You left god knows where; he texted, he called trying to tell you he took back what he told you that rainy night. But you didn’t pick up, you never saw any of his messages: you didn’t want to. You left them untouched as you tried to forget. Tried to forget how he broke your heart when he promised he would never.
You thought you wouldn’t return but here you were, back in Korea after three months at home, trying to heal and find yourself after being so lost. It wasn’t until tonight that you opened all those voicemails and texts from him and from the twelve boys; telling you to come back, that it was all a mistake. You recall the even Mingyu, who wasn’t that close to you because he was jealous over all the attention his best friend was giving you, found himself standing at your door a couple of days after it happened begging you to come back. He’d call you constantly, desperately because Wonwoo was so screwed up, he had lost any sense of being.
Y/N I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking… I thought I was doing it for you, but god am I wrecked… Im sorry. I can’t live without you… Pick up the phone Y/N… Why won’t you open the door? I’m ringing your doorbell… Why are there stacks of newspapers on your front porch? Where did you go? Don’t leave me… It’s been a month Y/N. I take that shit back, I’d rather us not see each other everyday but be together than be nothing at all… Y/N please… Two months today, the boys are worried they want you to come back too, come back to me… Y/N I’m heading to your favorite coffee shop again, the owner keeps asking about you. She named a drink after you, you know. She says your the brightest person she’s met. She’s not wrong… Please Y/N I’m lost without you… I don’t want this feeling. Where are you? Come back baby… I’ll be waiting for you, whenever you decide, the back right corner like always…
You went through voicemail after voicemail, text after text. You heard over two months worth of calls and read over hundreds of texts. You were completely shattered, why did he have to do this? He was supposed to be fine, you were the wrecked one. But he wasn’t fine and neither were you. He hurt you and made your heart ache. He had told you it’d be best if you two ended it and went your separate ways in order to find yourselves, but you couldn’t. It was just worse you didn’t know what to do but miss him more and more, more than you missed him when you wouldn’t see each other for months on end because he’d be touring in japan or some other country. You couldn’t live without each other, so tonight after three months of pain and loneliness you found yourself in the same busy streets of Hongdae. You were thinner and you had lost the glow you carried instead a dullness surrounded your form. A thick jacket was draped over your frame and a mask covered your red nose in the cold.
You had walked towards your favorite coffee shop, the same coffee shop that you had walked past three times already, you were hesitant as to whether or not you should enter. You were afraid that’s he would be in there; you were scared that the boy you loved deeply, was completely destroyed by you. But you were also scared he wasn’t and you’d find yourself quite disappointed and saddened because a big part of you wanted to believe that he wouldn’t forget about you and move on.
“He’ll be in there Y/N. Trust me, he left by himself tonight because when he’s with us he doesn’t go in there to keep up with the ‘I’m fine’ facade. But Seungcheol has seen him in there multiple times when he goes to buy chicken for all of us and he takes longer than usual.”
His best friends voice rang in the back of your head. You swept the strand of hair that was sticking to your forehead aside and mustered all the courage you could to go in. The bell on the door rang as you walked in and the familiar scent of coffee hit you suddenly. You looked around, taking in your surroundings, until your eyes wandered to the boy with the black cap that sat at your table. He was fiddling with the mug in his hands and you couldn’t help to notice a mug in front of him and your favorite pastry beside him. You decided to walk toward the boy as an indescribable amount of emotions and thoughts flooded your head.
When he noticed a figure walk closer to where he was sitting he finally decided to look up. He figured it was his mind playing games with him when he first saw you so he didn’t have much of a reaction. It wasn’t until he heard his name escape your lips did he believe you weren’t an allusion. He reached out to touch your arm, you were here after three months. He stood up, the chair he sat at scraping on the floor as he pushed himself off rapidly, and engulfed you in his arms.
“Y/N…” you heard his voice crack. “I know…I know.” You replied. He took you all in, your scent filled his nose and he was in a euphoric state. Tears slid down your cheek as you felt the warmness of his body, you were home. “I’m sorry. I regret it all since that day.” “Wonwoo…” you began sobbing quietly as he rubbed circles on your back.
“I was so lost without you, I’ve missed you Wonwoo.” “I never want to lose you again, Y/N. I can’t live without you.”
So you two stood there in each others arms after months of being lost, you were both finally found.
Authors Note: Something i wrote on the quicks, hope you enjoyed it. Btw make sure to send in your requests!
