moonlight filters in through the trees, illuminating laura lee and @plmrz on the porch of the cabin. the rest of their teammates have long gone off to sleep, leaving the two of them with nothing but the wilderness and each other to keep each other company. laura lee passively wonders how she got herself in this situation. she knows the logical steps as they happened. knows she came outside at van's invitation for a moment alone. knows the moment alone came about by van offering to be her first kiss, in the event that they never make it home so that laura lee might have one with a boy back home. knows that van only knows laura lee has never had a first kiss, that they know that she wants a first kiss before she might die out here, through another round of sleepover games shared among their teammates to ease nerves and feign a moment of normalcy.
no, instead, laura lee wonders how she got to the point of allowing this to happen. even entertaining the idea of kissing one of her teammates. it's not quite something she thinks her parents would approve of, that's for sure. at this point during their time in the wilderness, though, she's not sure it quite matters what they would and wouldn't think. what matters now is that van is sitting next to her with the weight of a promised kiss hanging heavy in the air and warmth stirring low in her stomach. there could be worse candidates for a first kiss, she supposes. it's not like her eyes hadn't lingered on van before they got trapped out here. they've always been a captivating presence at practices and team dinners alike in the past, someone who's easy to watch and easier to listen to. sure, they always have some sort of snide comment to make, but there's also a touch of sincerity in them too. laura lee feels safe, almost, to share such a private moment with them. despite the two of them not being very close before, there's still something deep in her that feels like she can be nervous and awkward and all the terrible, silly things that come with a first kiss without the fear of it being brought up in front of the group.
laura lee folds and unfolds her hands in her lap. she realizes now, now that the moment is here in front of her, that she's not quite sure what the procedure is here. not sure what steps to follow. she's seen movies, of course, but none that could quite adequately prepare her for this sort of thing. she taps patterns of two on her lap, glancing out at the treeline before finally mustering up the courage to look directly at van. ❝ so. . . how exactly do we do this ? ❞ she asks, voice soft as if she's afraid that it'll carry through the walls of the cabin and alert everyone to what exactly they're doing out here. she takes a deep breath, meeting van's eyes. ❝ they always make it seem so dramatic in the movies. do we just. . . lean in ? ❞ nerves swell in her stomach. she knows it's a stupid question. knows that of course there will come a moment where they both lean in, but she's just not sure when that moment is. she craves to be guided. to be taken into the palm of van's hand and shown what to do step by step. needs their steady voice to lead her.
