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I spent awhile reading through feather's guide to fronting and switching, and the attached materials linked in it, as well as some of @rainofthestorm's notes on switching (which is also where I found feather's guide) last night, interesting stuff, though alot of it was pretty tricky to wrap my head around 😅 but I liked feather's framing device of "The Persistant I"

I also didn't go through all the exercises and steps for dissasociation and association, but I tried a bit of meditating/grounding and I think managed to get Cyan to front for a bit. I was aiming for Magenta but when I "asked" for them they weren't there, and I heard Cy's voice super clearly instead, so he switched in instead, and "I" (I've started thinking of myself as J. Prime lol) became a voice inside "my" head, and also sort of a physical prescence in the top right of my head? Cy's the only one so far I've had deliberately 'front' in the past, since I ask him to help us do important things or self-care tasks, so I guess it makes sense it's easier to get him to front than the others.

Some things I've noticed about 'being' Cy so far:

Feels like I should be taller

I talk out loud a lot more- in a slightly lower voice, or when I slip up and talk in my usualy higher voice it feels more wrong than usual (Not in a british accent btw, that seems to just be an inside the head thing)

Way better executive functioning

I don't feel as much of a need/want to listen to music or podcasts while doing things

My eyes look a bit more serious? or tired? in the mirror

#i might try drawing a little comic about last night but i'm not super great at comics so we'll see 😅#I also asked him to try fronting again to write this and he said no lol #he's been extra pissy lately so I've tried imagining a spa in headspace and putting him in there- hopefully it helps #plurality journal #switching #plural questioning

Here's my rough map of the headspace so far, things probably aren't quite to scale, but also whenever I try to "see" or think about it it's pretty hazy, stuff shifts around, so this is an approximation + an attempt to have stronger visualization moving forward. I'm also not great at designing room layouts 😅 but I tried my best to incorporate the details I got about Cy and Mag's rooms

#'special guest entrace' is because sometimes a character will pop in for a sec- usually as a bit or bc we're thinking about them #so far i can only remember an old oc and a comfort character/f.o. doing this #and they're not part of me they're like- idk- a puppet or imagined construct (more than the facets are)#and then they go back through that door #also i do have a good idea of what the pool/spa rooms look like i just didn't feel like trying to fit all that on the map rn #headspace #headspace art #plurality journal

I know it’s actually hard to deal with and would probably create more problems than it would fix but sometimes I really wish I did have amnesia barriers, have complete switchs where I suddenly time-jump and someone else like, made dinner, or went to work, etc.

1. Because then at least I’d know for sure we’re actually plural, esp if we could leave eachother notes or smth while fronting, and

2. Because i just get so tired sometimes, sometimes i just want a break from ‘being’ and sleep barely counts, you don’t get anything done in your sleep

God I hate fluctuating hormone levels, was trying to figure out why I’ve felt so emotionally detached and low-libido for the last few days, like ‘maybe my caretaker/protector guys are blocking our emotions to protect us? maybe we’re just asexual now?’ etc.

…but then I remembered, our period showed up for the first time in a while last week. It’s normal to be extra emotional and horny right before/at the beginning of our periods, and then for it to drop at some point during/after the bleeding stops, it’s been so long it’s hard to remember how these things usually go, but yeah that’s probably it 💀

#the wicked hormone fluctuation strikes again! 🥲#a good reminder to myselves that not everything is necessarily a plurality thing #plurality journal

we’ve been having crazy mood swings the last couple days, and I know it’s probably just our stupid period that decided to pop up after a whole 13 months, but now that I’m plural-pilled it’s weird bc it feels a lot like switching, so idk if I’ve been switching, or just having hormonal mood swings, or both? 🥲

#herlp lol #plurality journal

Being a creature alter is so funny bc like, I’m a bird-dragon thing, why do I know how to drive a car, why do I know where you can get an affordable eye exam, how am I blogging.. 💀 everyone look in awe at what a smart bird I am alfhakfnks

#(I know how ofc- we all share memories- I’m in a human body (sad 😔) but idk just a funny thought we had just now lol)#aj 🪶#plurality journal

Idk who the fuck is fronting/cofronting rn but we’re acting autistic as hell 💀

#mask off at the balloon festival I guess alfjskfjsj #plurality journal

Kinda funny how I went through the trouble of setting up plural kit on discord a while back and then only used it like, maybe twice?💀 even on the somewhat rare occasions someone is fronting distinctly enough for us to notice, we don’t really care to distinguish in the one server we’d use it in, we’re all used to being seen as one person anyway, it kinda feels silly to use it, idk

#not sure I even remember how to use it at this point lol #I’d have to go look at the commands again #and also add DJ and AJ #plurality journal