Mar 11
Man.. fuck cancer dawg I’m over this shit. Fucking 2 year long battle so far.
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Man.. fuck cancer dawg I’m over this shit. Fucking 2 year long battle so far.
Ok now that I don't have cancer anymore, id very much like to get more piercings and tattoos
Literally just got the best news today 😭 I had a PET scan done and my oncologist said by his CONSERVATIVE estimate it showed an 80-90% reduction in my pmbcl mass in my chest (for reference, it started out as approximately 14 cm x 12 cm x 9 cm) and the masses behind my kidneys are completely gone and I have been on the edge of weeping all afternoon. I am just so fucking happy. I still have three more cycles of treatment but fuck if I didn’t need some good news. CANCER GET FUCKED.
One Year After Baldness
November 2019 at our AirBnB in Seoul
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November 7, 2020
Almost exactly one year ago today, three friends and I were spending a holiday in Seoul, South Korea, wandering the city streets, singing karaoke, and eating copious amounts of fried street food. I packed three different wigs with me on that trip, so I could wash and dry them after each use. They definitely kept my bald head warm, and I felt incognito.
November 7, 2020, a full year later of growing my hair out. No trims or cuts yet. Some product and hair straightener to emphasize the natural layers tho! _____
While I am currently not doing anything quite as international this time around, I am finally starting to feel more emotionally comfortable about a future haircut. Perhaps I'll pay a visit to the salon of the man who helped me get a wig last year, courtesy of the American Cancer Society.
Although I have continued working out most days of the week, I have noticed the ab muscles on my right side occasionally cramp up, which I suspect is more a lingering side effect of the second biopsy, rather than the chemotherapy. Who would have known!
In lighter news, it has been more than a year since my last chemo treatment, so I am eligible to donate blood again! Add in today's official political announcement, and I am feeling extra good and optimistic about the future. ^.^
Please get your flu shot, wash your hands, and be kind to strangers. Most struggles are not apparent at the surface. Love others, especially yourself.
Side view, not the aesthetic I prefer, which is why I still wear it in a ponytail when I leave the house, haha
Hey having cancer sucks bc one day you feel fine after treatment and then the next you’re laid up in bed extremely tired, anemic, with mouth sores, and feeling nauseous. Oh and also needing preventative antibiotics bc you’re on fever watch and your body hates you. I love how my roaring twenties decided to roar 🙃.
MF PICC Line Out!
Friday, October 25, 2019
Finally got my PICC line removed from my arm this past Tuesday! Aside from the hair loss, it was the last vestige to indicate I had undergone any sort of treatment this summer.
It's been liberating to shower without stressing if I'd gotten the bandage wet or to pick garments without debating if I wanted to wear a sleeve cover or not. It's the little things, you guys.
Neuropathy I feel like over the course of the last four to five weeks, my hands have gone from feeling 50% numb to roughly only 15%! Another relief that it may not take an entire year for all my nerve endings to grow back.
Hair Not much activity on the scalp yet, but my eyebrows are returning! I've been drawing them in slightly the wrong place the last few weeks, haha.
Google says it may be another month before I see any real hair growth on the scalp, so we'll see. A part of me fears I'll be bald forever. If brows and lashes grow at one-tenth the speed of head hair, why am I seeing my eyebrows grow back first before my scalp?
Either way, I plan to take advantage of my baldness by dressing up as Nebula for Halloween. ^^V I dressed up as Gamora when the first Guardians of the Galaxy came out, so it'll be fun to dress up as her sister this time.
Hair Loss
July 16, 2019
This has been the biggest adjustment for me throughout the entire process.
Not the tingly fingers. Not eating smaller meals to avoid feeling nauseated. Not the mild queasiness on mornings of chemo treatment. Just the hair loss.
Hair is such a huge part of any one’s identity. We all know and feel this; I do not need to explain its importance.
Not going to lie, I have shed some tears in advance of losing my hair. This is largely in part because I do not have to stress about aspects other cancer-stricken patients do. I do not have to worry about my survival rate. I do not have to worry if the cancer will spread to other organs. Despite getting cancer, I am extraordinarily fortunate in my life. Honestly if I had to pick a cancer to get, mediastinal lymphoma feels like a good one! Is that weird to say?
Below is a photo sampling of my hair’s journey from its last hurrah to baldness.
A professional stylist curled my hair for my older brother’s wedding (May 2019) ___
Me sneakily sneaking in a selfie while my boyfriend slept (May 26, 2019) ___
After my long hair kept getting tangled into bird’s nest, I lobbed off about nine inches to make combing easier (June 2, 2019) ___
What my hat was actually hiding … I kept telling my friends I looked like the Crypt Keeper, and they were kind enough to not agree (June 22, 2019) ___
We had a little head shaving party. Everyone was so supportive! My boyfriend said it would be very hard not to make monk jokes at me. ^.^ (June 23, 2019) ___
They’re shoving me into the Blue Tube to give my chest some Beams