#poents

[poebafos]

The world

The world is so small, isn't it?

The world is so small and life is so short...

Too small to never try to explore it...

Too short to lock yourself when things end bad...

It's this so hard to understand?

Why are you doing this?

Why are you hurting yourself like this?

Why are you hurting the others too?

Why there are so many lang excuses to never try to get better?

How can't you see how many people are suffering because of it?

Stop it!

Stop being so selfish!

Stop blaming people who only wants to help you!

Stop hurting me...

Shit, what is wrong with you?

What is wrong with me?

[poebafos]

If there is something you’re afraid of, what is it?

I’m afraid of being alone... Afraid of the darkness... Afraid of losing people... Afraid of changing...

Afraid of disappointment... Afraid of dreaming too much... Afraid of stop dreaming... Afraid of dying without bing truly happy...

Without being free... Without achieving my goals... Without seeing the world become better... Without living in a world where I feel safe...

I want people to understand me... I want people to treat me as I am... I don’t want to  hide myself anymore... I don’t want to pretend anymore...

I wish I could talk about all my fear properly... But I have so many fears... That it came out like this... Twisted... And messed up... Like everything I’m afraid of.

[poebafos]

Snowflake

I hate lying

I hate the pain I feel Everytime I lie to you But still... I keep lying.

It scares me to feel that lying seems to be the best option It scares me to feel that even if I didn't anything wrong The truth will scare you But I have no choice... So I keep lying.

I see how you're worried about what I am I see how you're afraid that I'm something that maybe... Just maybe... Will scare you less than what I really am And again... I keep lying.

I know that the "girl" on the novel looks like me I know that "her" story looks so much like mine That "her" attitudes looks so much like mine But mom... Uncle... Aunt... And even you, brother... That's still not me

I know I just watch this novel because of "her" I know I cry everytime something bad happens to "her" I know that I hyped when that episode came When "she" finally understood who "she" is But that's still not me.

And that's the problem.

How will you understand who I am? If you can't even get that "she" is actually "he"? How will you understand who I am? If you can't even understand that he doesn't need to have a Y sex... For he to be HIM?

If you can't even get it... How will you understand... That I don't awalys entirely feel like "her"?

If you can't even get... That "that girl” is an TRANS MAN How can you understand... That I am non binary?

Thank you for worrying Thank you for trying to give me trust on you Even tho I can't trust any of you... Thank you for trying to give me courage to say who I am... But I'm full of all these lies

It's already painful all this daily cisplay It's already painful to hear a complaint when I'm "too masculine" It's already painful to only hear a compliment when I'm "too feminine" It's already painful to don't cut my hair the way I want because it would be "too unconfortable" for you I won't pretend to be a man... When I'm actually both...

“Why don't you just explain?” you say Heh...

My throat hurts for each hour I've wasted "explaining" it My heart hurts everytime I remember all these hours didn't made any difference on the next day My head hurts for each time you pretended to understand Just to play with me after My eyes hurts and get wet for each time you joked about people like me

I feel pain for each time you prove That you don't give a fuck about people like me

Did you really thought that I forgot? No... I never forgot it. You never let me forget about it.

Unlike what you think... I'm not a "kludge". I'm a human. Unlike what you think... I don't "just want to be a special snowflake". I want to be myself. Unlike what you think... I'm not a "confused trans man". I know exactly who I am.

And if you don't...

I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

So stop... PLEASE STOP! Stop trying to make be believe that you will accept me Because I know you won't. Stop trying to make me believe that you'll try to understand Because I know you won't.

Stop trying to make me believe that you care Because I know you don't.

So if you excuse me... I'll keep lying If you excuse me... I'll keep with my cisplay If you excuse me... I'll keep being the reason of all your worries...

[poebafos]

Karma will come

I believed in you... I saw everything you’ve done... But still...

God, how fool I was... Enough to need you to do with my friend... What you did to me...

You know... I really loved you... Each syllable of each phrase I said to you... They were true...

You were my first experience for everything My first kiss... My first boyfriend... My first sex... My first big deception...

You teached me how to love... Then teached me how to hate... You teached me to feel love for my body... Then teached me to be disgusted by it AGAIN... You teached me to like who I am... Then teached me to be angry with me...

I feel hate For every flashback I have I feel hate For everytime I hear your name or anything linked to you I feel hate For everytime I found a photo o fus I feel hate... For everytime I remember... That I had to see my friend suffer... To start hating you...

Who I hate the most? You or Me?

Sometimes I’m afraid to meet you And then punch you the way I want right now Cuz DAMN you made me hate you so much That I feel like if you ever asked me for help... I would just watch your begging just as cold as you mistreated us... Just as cold as the lies you told us... Just as cold as the pain that you gave us...

Am I proud of it? No... Definitelly, I never wanted to hate you like this... But just like you can’t control your lies... I can’t control my feelings...

The pen and the paper has been my only friends here... And it’s thanks to them that I didn’t make anything stupid I don’t want to waste my time typing with you

I don’t give a shit if you’ll ever read this But I hope you know... I wish that someday... You feel the same taste of hate that I am feeling... I wish that someday... You learn how it feels to be toyed with... I wish that someday... The karma knocks your door...