To die knowing I did the right thing

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To die knowing I did the right thing
You tell me I look sad
I smile and say I just slept bad
You know me
Like I know you
And I wish my thoughts could be true
You look into my eyes
And I wish me something you despise
You’re married, what am I thinking
But in all of this, I don’t care about sinking
I’m just flying higher and higher
And my only wish
Is for you to catch fire.
I did really good
But you weren’t around to see it —
I know you miss me.
me
you no longer
can call your own.
I was so young
When you pierced
my lungs,
By letters
Not written by your hand
Your hungry hands keep digging dirt.
I despise the way I let you in
Never invited, still you left sin
I know God knows my love
Sees it all from high above.
You were bad.
I was sad.
Differences I didn’t know we had.
Your words
don’t sound the
same anymore.
You didn’t break my heart,
You didn’t touch my soul,
And I know I left a hole.
It’s weird not wanting to die anymore.
Suddenly I wake up and try
so much More.
Everything seems to repeat
But in a strange way,
Im glad I don’t lay in a casket so deep.
Forgotten and rotten.
The devil inside me,
I once named my truth,
Tells me I have wasted my youth.
But I still have
Still have
So much More
Inside of me.
We can’t look for the past
If tomorrow is what’s in store.
Can’t linger
Forever
At your nostalgia’s door.
Everything we see or seem,
Is but a dream, within a dream
We tell ourselves death is near.
When our mind
is the only thing to fear;
Let your child,
Let it run and roam
The world until seafoam.
In a Dream i was married
and held a soul dear in my arms.
Contentment on eternal sand,
I swim and swim until I don’t see land
Im free in myself,
When I’m lost in the world
I feel at home,
When I’m in another one’s coat.
Don’t eat from a tree,
you didn’t see grow.
Let no one be close
Who didn’t see when you
got low.
I hate loosing things
Not people particularly,
But small
Seemingly
Meaningless
Things
I will forget about in two days
I hate loosing
When it reminds
Me
Of loosing myself
Part after part
Earring after another
It slips away
And I wonder to myself
Have I forgotten
Have I not taken enough care
And they
just disappear.
I know
None of my poems are happy
None of the should rhyme
follow a scheme
A pattern
A line
But I can’t stop
It sounds so bad
knowing something’s off with a word
Maybe it’s the spelling
Or maybe it’s a little
blurred.
My memories rise like tide
And my feelings flood
The boat where to myself,
I lied.
I thought I shot
The feeling, the moment, the spot
Watched it rot
Yet here I am with this guilt
Tied to the ground in knots
You don’t know it’s cold when you’ve never burned
Think it’s okay
To hurt.
Yet love’s still an arrow
And blood looks like love
Painted roses - red with what ?
Thorns of desire
Splinters of lust
Endless cuts —
Carried away
Sensuality shouldn’t come before the mood
When fall comes — love has no root.
Carelessly we do what we do
Crying
did she hate
And hate
you ?
Men conquer and call it devotion
Yet here she cries on top of this ocean
sometimes our toothbrushes kiss
A feeling
So easy to miss
Lying on the same mattress
Inches apart
Simple, yet so intimate.
You talk like you’re the voice in my head
The body beside me in bed.
The sky is grey and fall came
The comfort I can’t name.