days.in.daze

I had the craziest dream last night.

[skinnyangels-stuff]

[kissmebeforecourt]

[poetic-snow]

In my dreams

i am

shadows light

only eternally

Dark

and i do 

Fall; 

Winter and a clouded

            may

not always become clear

like to love you my dear

i had to hear

a drop of tear 

so long

i became the ocean

i drowned in my own honey

But you held me

spine and ribs 

on your fingertips

the ground 

doesnt burn

in hell

from far away

i smile

at God

i became a mother

to a daughter

and i am a bird 

white dirt.

snow

i fly; let her go 

You shout; no 

Held me tight 

loved me in a vacuum 

So safe to tell you.

[poetic-snow]

[apple-of-my-i-deactivated202605]

[poetic-snow]

I saw you on the kitchen chair,

How sad you were

And how you brushed your hair.

I was so attached to blue

Because who am I if not you.

You’ve changed

I can’t keep you sad

You didn’t have to bleed

To feel the pain so bad

I still keep you up at night

You dream

What you wish I did right

Yet still you got away,

From something meant

To lead you astray.

[poetic-snow]

What is left if we stop believing in love.

[1111angelgirl1111]

gloomy midwest winter

[poetic-snow]

Me except the cigs

[angelsentfawn]

[poetic-snow]

Me (78% accuracy)

[poetic-snow]

I hugged my favorite teacher goodbye today. Our class and the other teachers sang for him. When I saw him walking through the corridor later that day he smelled like liquor and I never felt more like a Lana Del Rey song. Snuck me and another girl into french class (skipping chemistry) and eating pastries and tiramisu with them cuz we could.

Got myself ice cream in the midst of winter. Exchanged glances with an attractive guy on the bus. It’s Friday. Life feels great lately. Got an angel wings necklace from my mum. Wearing it for the past two days.This nihilism is still lingering around in my brain. But I’m alive. And I’m better.

[poetic-snow]

Dear diary,

Today is a short entry. Saw a cool guy with a pulp fiction jacket yesterday. Never watched that movie. But looked cool. Sang “Come as you are” by Nirvana and “Bring me to life” by evanescence in the band yesterday.

Had color theory in art class today. Talked to the girl who came back from her exchange year in Canada. Went to ballet practice and bought my first tights. Hurt my ankle and sat down for half the lesson #NinaSayersCore. Wearing a Guns N’ Roses shirt rn. Aced in chemistry and biology today btw. Gave some other girl a neck massage for fun and played “who am I?” Guess what. I was Shawn Mendez and I got it right. Found really pretty jewelry in my mums closet (angel wings as a necklace and bracelet). Partied in my room. I guess that’s it for today.

[girlofconstantsorrrow]

Mine ୨୧

[poetic-snow]

I literally looove that nail polish 🩰

[poetic-snow]

Dear diary,

Went to the first full rehearsal of our ballet performance “the nutcracker”. Let one of the girls in my class sleepover bc she lives at boarding school. Even watched inglorious basterds last night together. 7/10 for that movie. #3glasses. I think I’ve never seen so many girls wearing pink before. Not to mention it took me 3 tries to get my hair bun to lay flat. Note to future self : using non-leave in conditioner in a sleek bun makes it ridiculously soft. Ate well for breakfast with that girl because it was gonna be a long day. Tried the strawberry ‘n cream flavored Pepsi as a treat for doing really good at rehearsal #lizzyGrant. Didn’t do much after that besides listening to music/singing and scrolling on Pinterest. I’m looking forward to physics class on Monday #academicOptimism. Some guy really looked like Kurt Cobain on the bus. Bus smelled horrible (like vomit) #smellsLikeTeenSpirit. Told my brother how horrible that toxic girl I used to be friends with is. And I guess that’s it for now. #ToBeContinued

[cinamqnr0ll]

[poetic-snow]

You tell me I look sad

I smile and say I just slept bad

You know me

Like I know you

And I wish my thoughts could be true

You look into my eyes

And I wish me something you despise

You’re married, what am I thinking

But in all of this, I don’t care about sinking

I’m just flying higher and higher

And my only wish

Is for you to catch fire.

[poetic-snow]

I wish concealer covered up all the nasty things I did to feel loved.

[poetic-snow]

Dear diary,

People can be horrible and disgusting. I messed up my last exam but that’s the best motivation to study again, right? Right. I’m not waiting for my life to start anymore. I’m so contradictory. I want freedom yet fear too much choice. I want to let loose yet strive for perfection. We want and want without ever really needing. that’s how capitalism raised us. Never be satisfied. Or you risk actually being content with life. I miss Italy. I wanna go skiing. I wanna study but have no paper to write on haha. Need to get some tomorrow. I feel like a child again. Excited for tomorrow to not want to sleep. I love just looking really far into the horizon. And seeing everywhere I haven’t been yet. And be at peace about how my life is. I’m grateful for having me. Im still here after being so intimate with death. I’m so happy to drink from my favorite mug tomorrow. And go for a run. And laugh and cry. And be.