i hate cumming but i do it because i don't have anywhere to go,
i hate writing poems on twitter but i do it because there are only five people who read them and they all use twitter
i miss restaurants and February (these are related),
i hate everything else (i guess)
i hate that even in my dreams, i can feel how much people don't like me, assigned the scarlet letter (A is for alien, autistic, asexual, angel, abundant), i hate that when i wake up i have to text 5 people to offset the feeling of being hated
sometimes they reply and i resent that, i think i wasted an interaction on my guilt!
sometimes they don't reply and i resent that, i think about life without them
and what their favorite flowers are. i hate everything else (i guess)
it has been four years since i kissed someone i love and i wonder how many times
in that four year time span
i have seen the same kind of bird
i once loved a narcissist (a real one, not a fictional wolf of my own invention)
and she told me that she wonders how many bright green tree frogs live between herself and the woman she loves
(*not me)
and i wonder now how many bright green tree frogs can permanently stay between her and i
because i hate her forever (and everything else) (i guess)
i burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza because i eat too fast, i walk too slow
my mother asked me yesterday to
walk faster and i said no
i have to do things in a certain order,
i have to walk slow
to invent anticipation, i have to
eat my food in an "even" way
balance out my bites - equilibrium
my fast eating and my slow walking are
the same side effect,
its been four years since i was the main character in a performance in which
somebody loved me back,
someone in the audience (me)
didn't know when to clap
worst critic, bad review, but i miss the
same 3 acts without mercy