#poetry2020

[cityveinlights]

“The souls of leaves and skin”

Orange air and the scent of dying flora,

I felt you begin to shift in October.

Slowly, your fingers turning yellow,

The smell of your skin a musty, sharp compost.

White eyes darkening, teeth beginning to decay,

Funny how when you lose things, they lead others to a new place.

Something so pretty—the changing of nature—embodied in someone I wanted to observe with.

Autumn was always my favorite time of the year, but now it is winter.

Where do the souls of leaves go after the fall?

They go to new houses, new beds, new embraces,

And leave their trees to shake naked in the cold.

day 1: autumn

[24kmediaproductions]

"Befriended by love her vale of divinity covered the scars of the dark light she harnessed for universal balance from within.

I kiss her lips to feel the forgiveness of the past lives we lived some lessons taught out of sin...

Befriended by love the beautiful experience to something that was never meant to ... End. "

[cityveinlights]

“Wax purpose”

Three candles sat and blew in the wind,

Two with a short wick, one with a twin,

Three little lights stark naked in dark,

Piercing the night with a trifecta heart.

One whispered, “Hey now, why do we shine?

We’ve limited time, why not make it mine?”

One of the twins responded in haste,

“With all this talk, I have to lambaste.

We candles have duties, strong wills and strong minds,

We must spend time shining, not philosophize.”

So, a trio of tiny flames dancing with might,

Enlightened the room that never grew bright.

The last of the group in its darkening days informed,

“I shone up too fast, but don’t be concerned.

Something has placed us here for a reason,

I hope to shine with you again in new season.”

With a last dying breath, the candle went black,

And blew out gray smoke like a chimneystack.

A duo of candles sat dimmer and sad,

Mourning their sibling, a strong comrade.

day 2: candle

[cityveinlights]

“As the sun rises”

Pondering you, imagination flows wild.

The shades of a rising sun before the crest breaks the horizon.

An artistic violet through overcast sky,

a beautiful hue of brilliance reflected through your eyes.

I would wake each morning to bear witness.

Under blankets of lilac light,

the formless, shrouded sky,

a shape manifests, separating from kin.

Our lavender cloud takes flight.

[mariasebastian]

[goditsher]

31: i can’t, ‘cuz i won’t

Thank you for all the things that you did to me, for being such a decent man with so much respect, for not invading my life and not judging my decisions,  for being so supportive and not putting pressure on me.

I appreciate your love, your kindness, and your sincerity, the way you listen to me, the way you wanted me to smile, even if it's not for real, 'cause you know how scarred I am, just to make me smile for a moment is more than enough for you.

You respect my sadness, my solitude, my brokenness, You respect my heart, 'cause you allow me to feel things, I hate it that you have this genuine intentions towards me, and that's what makes who you are, a wonderful man,

I'm so glad that you came into my life, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry because you have to see me like this, all broken, shattered, and the worst is building myself again. You saw me as the girl who has a heart that's been beaten up.

You remind me all the time that I'm gonna be all healed, that you'll be here with me, all throughout out the damages, that no matter what may life could bring, you'll stay. that you wanted me with all your heart despite my imperfections.

But what if I can't— what if I can't do the same thing? What if I can't give all these efforts your giving me? What if I'm scared of diving to that darkest pit? — and what if I'm not capable of being enough?

You have to understand that all the love you have, and all the genuine words the you are giving me, I don't deserve that, I don't deserve any of it at all, I'm in pieces and you're the kind of man I don't deserve.

I'm sorry but I can't want you the way you want me. 'Cause after what happened to me— to my heart, I can't get through that shit again. I've been there once, and I'm never coming back to that phase again. Because I know, that once I went through that shit again? I might not make it alive at all. If loving someone is allowing myself to be happy again, but still get through the hell hole once more, I'm sorry. But I can't. I'm just gonna fix myself and be numb about "love." Words can be so sweet to hear, but I have to understand that no matter how unfeigned those words are, it'll be just words in the end.

I'm sorry, I know anyone is capable of loving someone, but I can't love you.

I can't, 'cuz I won't.

Love isn't for me.

4:43 pm 112920

[goditsher]

26: hope this never ends

from my notes: Oct 28 2019 // 9:02 am

I’d took the long way home with you. No one knows where it would take us. Holding hands, raging heart beats. Like any other story, next thing we know, Hearts were breaking, running out of breaths. Painstakingly hoping, your love still exists, Despite all the scars, wounded by words. Every night, every star my eyes can reach, Eyes were close, whispered to each one of them, ‘I hope I never lose you, hope this never ends.’ 'Cause I don't know if I can believe in love again. Losing you might be losing myself again, And that kind of heart break, (not yet done)

I knew it— that it would come— that it can happen, you see, that heartbreak that I was talking about? especially since it comes from you— you of all people. — time could never ever mend that, no one can, no amount of anything can magically heal that damage.

I have a lot of things that I’ve realized when the story of us ended, that I wasn’t expressive of my feelings, that I wasn’t that transparent kind of heart, and that I wasn’t that easy to read, and because of that, you have no idea how much I think of you, how much I talk about you— and how much I love you, dearly.

I lost you and we actually ended.

It also came into my mind, that before we even fall apart, you already lost your grip. My great love, my love for you, might never completely go away, but love— you can.

I know deep down of my heart, that this kind of love will stay with me for more than a lifetime.

My great love, with or without you here by my side, I am so sure that I will always love you— it will always be you, always was and always will.

Always in all ways.

112420 10:12 am

[goditsher]

12: sunset

(merging sun with sadness)

dinggin mo sa bawat pag lulon ng buwan sa araw, kasabay nito ang mga tinginang ‘di maipaliwanag, hikbi’t luha, alalang lumipas, mga panahong inagos, pagmamahal na minsa’y sariwa’t iningatang buhayin.

dinggin mo sa bawat pag lulon ng buwan sa araw, kasabay ng paglagas ng mga dahong pinagtibay, mga pahina’t dugo, sa pag-agos ng mga halik ng alak, ay minsan mong pagkagalak, sa pagkaguho’t paglimot.

dinggin mo sa bawat pag lulon ng buwan sa araw, isusulat ang lahat ng sugat, pagkat ang minsang hagkan. ay kailanma’y hindi na dadaanang muli ng mga talatang ito, ang eskinitang minsa’y inakap sa gabi, at payapa sa dilim.

dinggin mo sa bawat pag lulon ng buwan sa araw, na kahit gaano pa kalapad ang iyong ikinubling manta, ang tubig sa mga mata’y mistulang naghuhugis bituin, na inililihim ng bawat hapdi’t sakit na nais nang kumawala.

at dinggin mo sa bawat pag lulon ng buwan sa araw, damhin ang bawat portunang nawalan na nang halaga,  dahil sa pagbitiw mo sa aking mga malalamig na kamay, kasabay nitong pagkurba ng paglubog ng araw nating dalawa,

—    ay ang pagsasama’t paglamon ng araw sa kapanglawan.

2:57 pm 111020 photo used from pinterest.

note: nahihiya talaga akong ilagay ‘to rito, dahil hindi ako sanay sa mga ganitong pagsusulat. pero salamat sa mga nagbigay ng tips. at pasensya na po agad sa mga makakabasa. :)