#poetryandthingsect

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

Prayer for 2019

May this be the first year

I do not name

after the

gasping breath and aching fingers

of survival

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

Im blurry right now but you can still see me

Im blurry right now but not so bad my words dont break like static

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

The Heart Replies

The heart laughs a little kisses me on both cheeks "This is gonna hurt, but God damn this is gonna be beautiful"

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

I Speak to the Heart

I grip my heart by the shoulders Shake it till it looks me in the eyes Whisper through tightened teath “Not again. Not again”

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

Stop making metaphors out of your self destructive tendancies This isnt beautiful, the way you fuck, drink, and snort away all the empty how you fill yourself so full and pour over the sides I've always liked your poetry I just cant find beauty in you slitting your wrists and writing with the blood

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

I just want to be quietly in love with someone. I don’t need any grand gestures. I just want someone to sip tea with and laugh at stupid memes with. I don’t need anything crazy. Just a gentle boy who is going to be gentle with me. We could do cool things like climb big mountains and sip shitty coffee at the top.

I wanna fall in love the way ivy grows around an old church slowly and deliberately I would like that I would like that very much

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

3 notes on loving your abusers (or being human)

“When is a monster  not a monster? oh, when you love it.” -Caitlyn Siehl

1. I loved her I loved him I loved every one of them until I was skeleton pretty

2. they loved me they loved every ounce of humanity I gave them I was the O+ to their thirsty corps

3. I still love them in a weird, fucked up way. They are still monsters all my love could not undo all the broken that hid inside of them. and I remember that I am not frankenstein, nor his cadaver creature but collateral damage in these monsters attempt at being human.

[russiancheesemanfanaccount]

Abba Abba! they’re killing people and it hurts so much to be a fragile human with a brittle heart I want to be stone work statue and feel nothing

but Abba Abba! they killed her shot her dead in front of her brother and I forgot my mouth and swallowed my tongue and was left with this noisy grief in my chest

Abba they killed them a man, with a broken heart and the devil sitting watch over his soul poured bullets over their pure dancing bodies and made caskets out of chest cavities

Dear God it hurts so much to live in a world where people say your name before they kiss bullets and shatter bombs crucify one another I cannot make this pretty there is no light to be shed on such darkness but still i want to see your face and disappear into you